We don’t talk about what I’m going to do tomorrow.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. Isn’t what’s happening with Gavin a sign that Eli isn’t the right person for me? Or is it just a sign that I’m a terrible girlfriend?
Eventually, when it’s about four a.m., I fall asleep with my head on his chest.
We wake up with the light spearing in through the sheet covering the window. It’s probably only an hour later, but it feels like a decade.
Janelle is in her bed.
I’m glad we are fully dressed. I’ll tell her we were just talking.
I shake Gavin awake. “It’s morning,” I whisper.
“Shit,” he says. “Bye.” He’s about to kiss me goodbye, but sees Janelle asleep in the bed beside us and pulls away.
He disappears out the door sheet. I hear the cabin door open and softly close and the porch creak under his footsteps.
“I wondered why his bed was empty when I was in Bunk Five,” Janelle says, flipping over to me. “Don’t worry, I didn’t see anything.”
“Nothing to see,” I say. “Nothing happened last night,” I say quickly. This time it’s not even a lie.
“No judgment,” she says. “I was in Bunk Five.”
“With Muffs?” I ask.
“No way,” she says. “I’m not getting in the middle of that triangle too, thank you very much. I was with Eric. He has really good pot.”
I push away my plate of mac and cheese. I can’t eat. I feel too nauseous.
Eli is coming, Eli is coming, Eli is coming.
“How excited are you?” Danish asks.
“Look at her. She can’t sit still,” Janelle says.
“She hasn’t seen him in six weeks!” Danish exclaims. “Where are you guys staying?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “He said he booked something.”
I pack during Rest Hour. I continue to feel slightly sick through basketball, SI, and finally General Swim. I am grateful that we don’t have sailing today.
As soon as GS is done, I think I might really throw up. And it’s not just because of Gavin. I am excited to see Eli. I really am. I’m not just telling myself that. Am I? I miss Eli. But I also like Gavin. But am I in love with Gavin? No. Maybe? I can’t wait to see Eli. I’m afraid of seeing Eli. Can he tell I cheated by looking at me? I can’t stop sweating.
I hurry the kids back to the bunk, and quickly run to the shower. Then I put on jeans and a cute top, and quickly apply eyeliner. My hand shakes, and I make myself look like a raccoon.
Get it together, I tell myself.
I fix it. There.
I take a deep breath and grab my backpack.
Ready.
I see Gavin and Botts on my way to the office. They’re standing in the middle of the road, above the beach. Of course they are.
Botts whistles. “Looking good, Rosenspan.”
“Thanks,” I say, hitching my backpack on my shoulder.
“Eli’s at the office,” he says.
I stop. “Already?”
“Yeah.” He holds up a walkie-talkie. “He just pulled up.”
Gavin raises an eyebrow. “Have fun.”
“Um. Thanks?” This is awkward for everyone.
I wave as I walk by. I want to touch Gavin, to let him know that I am thinking about him, but I don’t.
I walk fast to the office and when I am almost there I start to run.
I feel like the kids on Visiting Day.
He’s leaning against the hood of his gray rental car, and he’s wearing a blue shirt I don’t recognize with jeans I do. Did he get taller? He’s tan. His hair is longer than usual. It’s Eli, it’s Eli. My Eli.
I throw my arms around him, and he’s kissing me, and I’m kissing him, and he smells like soap. He smells like him.
My eyes prick with tears, but I’m smiling because I’m so happy to see him. “Hi.”
“Hi, Beautiful,” he says. He’s smiling too.
“You’re here,” I say.
“I am.”
“You came to see me!”
“I came to see you,” he says. “So this is camp, huh?”
“Yup.” My arms are still around his neck.
“Can I get a tour?”
“Oh! I don’t think we’re allowed.” It is probably allowed, but I already feel like my worlds are colliding. I don’t want Gavin and Eli to meet. My life might explode.
“Okay. I want to get you alone, anyway.” He takes my hand.
“Where are we going?
“Saratoga Springs!” he says. “Wait until you see the hotel. I was going to book a B&B but after I won the Monte Carlo money, everyone was teasing me that I had to get us something fancy. So I did.”
“I just have to check out,” I say. “Gimme a sec.”
I hand him my backpack and then run into the office to tell them I’m leaving.
“Your boyfriend?” Eric asks.
“Yup.”
“Have fun,” he says.
“I will,” I say, and fly out the door.
We get in the car, and Eli hits the gas, his hand on my leg.
As soon as he pulls out of camp, he pulls over onto a side road. At first I wonder why—is he going to tell me something? Ask me something?—but then he kisses me again.
We kiss for a while. He kisses differently than Gavin. His lips are softer. He’s more hesitant, sweeter.
He wouldn’t be kissing me like this if he had hooked up with someone else, would he?
Can he tell that I’ve been kissing someone else by the way I’m kissing him?
“I can’t wait to get you into bed,” he says, kissing my neck.
“To the hotel!” I say.
“Actually, I made us a dinner reservation at seven, so dinner first and then the hotel. Can you wait that long?”
“A dinner reservation? A fancy hotel? Who are you?”
He laughs. “I am romancing you!”
The restaurant is just down the street from our hotel, so we park at the hotel and head straight to eat.
The restaurant is nice—we get a table outside. Eli orders two glasses of wine, and we both casually show our fake IDs.
“The best part of Europe was not needing these,” Eli tells me when our waiter turns around.
“Were you guys just drinking the whole time?” I ask.
“There was a lot of drinking,” he admits. “It was hard keeping up with Yosef. He’s a bottomless pit.”
I want to ask about the girls I saw in the pictures. Sydney. Kat. But I don’t. I ask about Yosef. About the cities. About the museums. About everything else.
Am I just going to sleep with him and pretend that nothing’s wrong? Yes. I think I am.
The restaurant is beautiful. The food—especially after all that camp food—is really good. Eli takes my hand across the table. I am excited and nervous and happy to see him and a little tipsy and filled with guilt. I am feeling everything all at once.
“My treat,” he says. “Thank you, Monte Carlo.”
“They don’t take euros here, you know,” I tease him.
“I have a credit card, thank you very much.”
“Was Monte Carlo your favorite part of the trip?”