“Today was fun. Thank you.” His voice is soft, his gaze softer, his smile beautiful.
“Don’t mention it. I had fun.” I shift on my feet, then shove my hands into my pockets before stepping back. “Night, Sol.”
“Night, Gracie.”
I start walking back to the car but freeze mid-step as Father Foster comes into view. He slows down, his gaze darting over my shoulder, then back to me. He narrows his eyes, and his jaw visibly tightens.
“Father Foster.” I’m out of breath and not in a good way.
“Hi, Grace.” That’s the only thing he says before picking up his gait and stalking past me.
“Nothing happened. I swear,” I blurt out. “We just drove to Old Orchard, and he’s okay. He’s safe.” I stop and take a deep breath. “He’s my friend, Father. Just a friend. Nothing more.”
He pauses and looks over his shoulder, his features more relaxed now. “He’s my only family, Grace. I can’t lose him.”
“I don’t want to lose him either.”
He nods and walks the rest of the way to the rectory.
His words play in my mind as I get into my car and drive home. I understand him on some level. If something happened to my mom, I don’t even know what I’d do.
When I crawl into bed that night, I fall asleep with the memory of Sol’s arm around me and the look of disappointment on his uncle’s face.
I jerk awake sometime during the night, my sleeping shorts and T-shirt drenched with sweat. The deafening screech of tires on asphalt and my screams from my dream still echo inside my head. I press the heel of my palms to my eyes, hoping to expunge the image of Sol and Levi lying on the snow-covered ground.
Rolling out of bed, I switch on the light on the nightstand, then shuffle out of my room and into the bathroom. After splashing cold water on my face and patting it dry, I return to my room, and grab the notebook and pen on the nightstand, before crawling back in bed. Then I proceed to do what Dr. Taylor suggested. I write down the details of my dream, the change the outcome to positive one. In this version of my dream, Sol saves Levi on time and no one gets hurt. I read it over and over until the details are imprinted in my brain, then dig out the rosary bracelet from the jewelry box and curl in bed with the lights on. Within minutes, sleep pulls me under, the alternate dream playing on repeat in my head like a mantra.
It takes me several days to finally feel more in control of my dreams with Dr. Taylor’s help and encouragement. Sometimes it’s easy getting a grip of the nightmare. Other times it’s so hard.
But at least the doctor’s suggestion is working. That’s a big win in my book.
After spending time with Sol in Old Orchard, things between us seem to get easier. More relaxed. And as much as I enjoyed it, I made a decision. I have to make things right with Father Foster first. I’m not going to go back to sneaking around with Sol.
On Friday evening, after leaving the bookstore, I drive to the dorm, where MJ is waiting for me. As soon as I walk through the door, she jumps to her feet, waving a hair straightener.
“What happened? I’ve been waiting for you. Come on. Hop hop.” She waves the hair tool in her hand.
I toe off my boots at the door, then walk over. Dropping my backpack on the floor, I kick it under the desk as I unzip my coat and toss it on the bed. “We had a huge delivery today. It was supposed to come next week, but for some stupid reason, it arrived today.”
“Does that mean you’re working tomorrow?”
“Nope. We’ll close on Monday for restocking. Give me five minutes? I need to wash the day off my body.”
“Hurry up. It’s been a long day. I need a stiff drink.”
“You and Ivan?”
She nods. “We decided to take a break.”
“Wait . . . what? When did this happen?”
“Last night,” she says with a wobbly voice. She clears her throat and sniffs. “Maybe this is what we both need right now. I mean, it hurts like hell, but I need to know where he and I are going, you know?”
I bridge the space between us and pull her in my arms. “This sucks. I’m sorry, babe.”
Pulling back, I meet her gaze. The tears she’s been holding back trickle down her cheeks. MJ is strong and loves fiercely, so seeing her like this makes me want to track Ivan down and give him a piece of my mind. Then again, that’d be hypocritical of me, given my history. Ivan and MJ have been each other’s firsts. He needs to figure out what he wants and who he is without MJ and vice versa.
I rush to her desk and grab some tissues, then retrace my steps. Sweeping her hair out of her face with one hand, I dab the wetness on her cheeks with the other. “That boy loves you, MJ. He just needs time.”
She sniffs again, then steps back, glowering. “Does he, really? Whose side are you on anyway?”
“I’m on your side. Always,” I console her. “I just think that . . .” I trail off, searching my brain for the right words. “You remember what happened between Sol and me? It’s the same with Ivan. Well, kind of. You two have been together since forever. I think this break will give him time to think.”
She swipes the remaining tears away and then snags her bottom lip between her teeth, her brows drawn together. “Maybe I was a little too hasty asking him to make a decision? He told me about his mother insisting he should meet this other woman, and I panicked.”
“Hey now. Stop that. Sometimes people need a little nudging. Forcing them out of their comfort zone gives them a chance to re-evaluate their life and choices.”
She nods slowly, straightens to her full height, and smiles. “Makes sense, I guess.”
“Are we good?”
She steps forward and hugs me tight. “Thanks for talking me off the ledge. This feeling . . . ugh. I’ve never felt like this before. I don’t know how to deal with everything.”
“I’m speaking from experience, so I’m more than happy to talk you off the ledge anytime.” I study her miserable expression for a few seconds. “We could stay in and just talk. Or binge-watch Netflix.”
She shakes her head. “I need this distraction. Otherwise, I might go back on my decision and call Ivan.” She drops her arms. “Will Zulakya be there?”
I nod, walk over to my bed and strip my clothes, then put on my bathrobe. “She’s meeting us there. I’ll shower real quick. Be back in a few.”
Almost an hour later, we’re dressed and ready to leave. I stare at the woman staring back at me in the mirror. My hair has been transformed from curly to straight, reaching down my back. My makeup is on point, and I’m wearing black pants, a black sweater, and hoop earrings.
“Told you I could turn you into a swan,” MJ crows, patting herself on her shoulder.
I laugh, facing her. “Stop before your head gets even bigger than it already is. I really need to hang out with my girls today, and if your head gets any bigger, it won’t fit through that doorway.”
She slaps my ass and turns, shimmying her shoulders while walking away. “You’re lucky I’m in a good mood, bitch. I’ll just do my makeup real quick, then we can leave.”
I snatch my purse from my desk, then reach for my phone and swipe the screen. I smile when I find Sol’s message waiting.