But it wasn’t.
Because she knew he was the one who wanted to be a star.
If she did the interview, he’d be an even bigger celebrity, thrust into the spotlight he always wanted. He’d be able to prove once again to Colin that he was a winner. God knew she’d never deny him that right. But not at the expense of using her.
Disappointment crashed deep. She turned away, heartsick, and tried to find the words to explain why she couldn’t do what he asked. Her voice remained strong and steady when she finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Aidan. I really am, but we have a difference of opinion on this. I won’t bitch about letting them follow me around, and take pictures, and shout questions. I’ve handled the endless articles tearing Phoenix apart, and my lack of expertise as an owner, and the other so-called horse experts gleefully awaiting our defeat so they could laugh and poke fun at our dreams. But getting on camera to ask the world for their approval, to basically beg them to like me and my farm and my family? No. Once, I wanted so badly to be liked and accepted, but the rejection made me almost lose myself. I swore in that barn all those years ago I’d never do that again.”
She faced him, chin tilted high, and locked gazes. “Please, don’t ask me again. Now, I’m going to check on Flower and get Phoenix settled in his stall. He has a big week coming up.”
She waited for him to say her name. To stop her from leaving. To apologize and explain he understood.
But he was silent as she left the barn.
Aidan watched her leave, the words he wanted to say stuck in his throat and forever trapped.
Over the past weeks, she’d been ruthless about her restrictions on interviews and cameras. At first, he’d accepted her decision, but with the Triple Crown upon them and the buzz going on with Phoenix, he’d figured she’d break down and do just one interview.
Guess not.
He uttered a vicious curse and strode out of the barn. Yes, she revered her privacy, but he’d never imagined her fear of the camera would go so deep. He’d been a total asshole to push that hard. But in the racing world, no one wanted to hide. He was used to the competitive, sharklike hunger for press and exposure from the owner, trainer, jockey, and everyone in between. His attitude toward her continuous denial of the public spotlight had turned from respect to frustration. Television was the crown jewel during racing season, with everyone fighting for the camera.
Except Harper Bishop.
He sought out the path twisting through the woods, trying to clear his head. It made more sense now—how the endless bullying would have caused a distrust of the public spotlight. He knew personally how easy it was to be a hero one moment, then be ripped to shreds the next.
America adored thrusting someone onto the pedestal of success, but they liked yanking them down even more.
The vulnerability in her sea-green eyes had shredded his heart. She had so much damn pride—what had it cost her to admit she needed her privacy for her own peace of mind? Yet he hadn’t gone to her. Hadn’t pulled her into his arms like she deserved to tell her he understood and accepted.
No. Instead, he’d let her go without a word.
The question taunted him.
Why?
He walked, crunching over twigs and grass and leaves, letting his gaze trace the edge of mountain and sky just turning a hazy shade of blush pink, ready for sunset. The spring air stirred his nostrils and brought the musky scent of earth and florals, reminding him of the woman who’d stolen his heart.
You know why, the inner voice taunted. You just don’t want to admit it.
The answer unfurled from the depths of his soul.
Because you want to return to Ireland like a king. A champion. And you’ll do anything to accomplish it.
Just like Colin.
He stopped walking, breathing hard, looking up at the mighty pine tree towering above in a quest for peace. No, he wasn’t like that. He was nothing like Colin.
His mind spun, and the jagged pieces of reality attacked.
He might never dope a horse, but he’d push hard. Push Phoenix to the edge of competitive training even in his youth. Push Elmo to be the perfect jockey. Push Harper to fall in line and do the television interview. Push the family into mortgaging and paying the high fees associated with the glory of the Triple Crown.
When did it really stop? The lines were blurred. Maybe he’d never realize how much he would sacrifice unless he was faced with a monumental decision—a decision he prayed he’d never have to make.
He stayed in the woods with his tangled thoughts for a long time and then went to find Harper.
She was leaning on the gate to the pasture, watching Phoenix and Captain Hoof. Her hands were clasped on top of the rail, one bootheel hooked in the bottom rung. Aidan watched the animal couple with amusement. The horse would grab a few bunches of hay, then drop some on the floor for the goat. In between munching, Phoenix would nicker and rub his face against the goat’s small body. In return, the Captain would push back into those magical racing legs with pure affection.
“You taught them both to love.”
Her shoulders stiffened, but she turned to meet his gaze. There was a wariness in the depths of her eyes that caused his gut to twist. He settled next to her, close but not touching. “No,” she said softly. “It’s what Elmo once said. Two wounded souls recognize each other.”
He let out a breath. “I was out of line. I’m sorry.”
She nodded, her gaze sliding away. “Apology accepted.”
Her generosity at forgiving him so easily made him feel even more ashamed. “This is bigger than a simple apology, love. I needed to take a deeper look at some of my intentions. See, this is the only world I’ve ever known. I really had no idea you could live in it any differently. But you’re teaching me. I’m truly sorry.”
This time, her eyes were clear, and she reached for his hand. The warmth and graceful strength of her fingers wrapped in his brought him a sense of peace he used to get only from being in a barn, alone, or with an animal companion. Now, he’d reached a new level of intimacy, and he never wanted to go back.
“I know press is important. I just don’t want them to take anything that doesn’t belong to them. Does that make sense?”
He smiled and squeezed her hand. “Perfect sense. I’ll tell ESPN no. Was also thinking of getting some bodyguards to man the gate. Just to keep out unwanted visitors.”
She smiled back. “Sounds good. Ethan used to work as a bodyguard, so he has a bunch of friends who can help. I’ll speak to him in the morning.”
“A bodyguard, too, huh? Good to know.” He tucked her hair back behind her ear. “Let’s go home, Harper.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Phoenix seemed to know he was back in Churchill Downs to win.
The trip had been smooth, and he settled in his stall like a returning king. Harper sipped a mint julep and wore a fancy Derby hat in white and robin’s-egg blue to match her jockey’s silks. Her designer dress was the same bright color and custom fitted to her body, and her heels were too damn high, but Mia had insisted she wear the ensemble, threatening her if she dared try to step out in work boots at the Kentucky Derby.
She smiled at endless television cameras and watched her horse’s journey streamed live on television for the entire world to share in, without a personal interview. She shook numerous hands of important, famous trainers and owners and jockeys, along with various celebrities who wished her luck. And the whole time, the only things she truly cared about were Aidan and Elmo and Phoenix and if they were doing okay.