I mentally check that off my list, then sigh happily.
“Where are we going?” I ask, eager to know where he’s taking me.
His hands flex on the wheel, his gaze focused straight ahead. “It’s a surprise.” He tosses me a smirk before concentrating on the road again.
He leans forward, one hand leaving the wheel, and turns on the radio. He settles on a station playing a heavy metal rock song.
I watch his profile as he bites his bottom lip, gaze focused ahead, forehead creased.
“What’s wrong?”
He purses his lips thoughtfully. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
I blink, wondering what he’s talking about. “Who?”
“That guy, Levi. You said he grabbed your arm.”
Oh. “No, he didn’t. I guess I’m a little neurotic. I’m not used to people grabbing me, so I panicked.”
His head tilts in my direction, and his blue eyes study me intently. “I don’t like him.”
I laugh all of a sudden, hoping he’s joking. But if that muscle pulsing in his jaw is any indication, he’s dead serious. “You don’t even know him.”
“He looks sketchy.”
“‘Do not judge, or you too will be judged,’” I say, quoting Matthew 7:1. “Are you supposed to judge someone before getting to know them? Isn’t that like a sin or something?”
He shrugs. “I’m not a saint.” He pauses, then adds, “You really have me pegged for a non-sinner, don’t you?”
It’s my time to shrug. “I don’t remember ever seeing you do something bad in school or around town. But I’ve seen you do good things for the community, Sol. Several times. You’re like this perfect guy—”
He shakes his head, his brows bunching into a frown. “I’m not perfect.”
I’m about to open my mouth and tease him, but the troubled look in his eyes stops me.
“I’m . . . sometimes I feel like I’m hiding behind a wall. I feel things. I want things I probably shouldn’t want.”
“Oh?” I raise a brow. “Like what?”
He’s quiet for a few moments as he switches gears, and I can’t help but watch his hand at work, the muscles in his thigh tensing and shifting as his foot pushes down on the gas. His lips are pursed as a little frown forms between his eyebrows. I wait, giving him time, sensing that he’s troubled and working something out inside his head.
The car slows to a stop, and I jolt upright. Looking out the windshield, I realize we’re parked in front of an amusement park. I look to my right, taking in the way the lights from the surrounding buildings reflect on the Atlantic Ocean nearby. Old Orchard Beach is beautiful during the day but breathtaking at night.
“I haven’t been here in so long.” I smile, turning to face Sol.
He flashes me a full grin, looking considerably better than he had a few minutes ago. “My uncle used to bring me here when I was a kid. I’d live on the beach if I could. I love it here.”
He’s quiet, taking in the sight in front of us, and I’m eating him up with my eyes, the way the street lamp where we are parked illuminates his face.
He flicks his wrist to look at his watch, then glances out the window again. “It’s almost time,” he mutters, exhaling deeply.
“Time for what?”
“The fireworks.” Sweat beads his forehead as he looks around like he’s trapped and can’t get out. “Fourth of July, remember?”
“You don’t like fireworks?” I ask, trying to figure out why he looks scared. Then why did he bring me here?
He nods, then shakes his head. “Reminds me of the day my parents died. We were driving home from watching the fireworks on a Fourth of July.”
Understanding dawns on me, my mind going back to the way he snapped at me earlier. He was hurting, and I didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on with him. I shift closer, reaching forward and tugging his hand in mine, and whisper, “I’m so sorry.”
He exhales loudly, then chuckles nervously. “I usually prefer staying home on the Fourth of July, but I wanted to bring you here today. You enjoy watching the fireworks, right?”
“Yeah. I mean, sure. But you didn’t have to do this for me.”
He shrugs, his gaze shifting to the space above my shoulder. “I want to. I have to get over it at some point.”
“This is not something you just get over, Sol,” I say softly. “And it’s okay.”
He presses my palm to his cheek. “You’re here with me. It makes it better.”
Those eight simple words crash into me like a storm. I scoot forward and pull him into a hug. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
He pulls back and kisses my forehead like he always does. I’m addicted to his touch, no matter how fleeting. I savor and treasure each one.
We sit in silence when the fireworks start going off. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sol flinch every time the crackling sound pierces the air, and my hand squeezes his a little tighter in comfort.
He tugs my hand, reclaiming my attention. What I see in his face has my heart beating wildly. He’s studying me so intensely, it’s giving me goosebumps on my arms.
“What is it?”
Instead of answering me, he gets out of the car and kicks his door shut. Within seconds, he’s rounding the front of the car and opening the passenger door. He holds out his hand for me.
Intrigued and more than a little breathless, I unbuckle my seat belt and put my hand in his, allowing him to help me out. As soon as the door slams shut, he pins me against the car, holding my face in his hands. His scent mixes with the scent of the rolling sea, creating a delicious elixir I’d love to bathe myself in forever.
His gaze roams my face as though he’s memorizing every feature, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
“What is it, Sol?” I repeat the question, starting to get worried.
“Have you ever wanted something so badly, then something that’s in complete opposition to that initial longing comes along, and suddenly, you find yourself forced to choose between the two?” He inhales slowly, then releases my face and shoves his hands inside the pockets of his shorts.
Disappointment crashes into me, but I tuck it inside my chest and fall in step with him as he leads the way toward the beach, watching the last of the fireworks disappearing into the dark sky.
I wanted him to kiss me. I want to kiss him. Why can’t I take what I want? It’s not like I’ll be kissing him for the first time. But I have a feeling I need to tread carefully this time.
God.
Have you gotten the memo yet, Grace? I ask myself because holy shit. My heart’s already invested in this boy, and every part of me wants to cling to him and never let go.
As soon as we hit the shore, Sol kicks off his shoes and stands barefoot in the wet sand. His eyes squeeze shut, and his head falls back. He gives out a low, satisfied groan as a wave crashes gently around his ankles. That sound, no matter how innocent it is, is my undoing.
I study his profile, taking in the way the lights from the pier play across his features. A sigh slips through my parted lips. Sol makes my heart trip over itself and my lungs fight for precious air. I don’t even want to think about how soon he’s leaving.