His hand moves up to grasp the nape of my hair, his fingers knotting around the strands as though he’s afraid to lose control, then he watches me, his mouth pulling into that almost smile. His head lowers, and just before his lips meet mine, he smiles. Then he’s kissing me hard, letting his mouth rest on mine for several seconds. And when he starts moving it, my hands grab his shoulders, scared I’ll float away if I don’t hold on tight.
My eyes fall shut on their own. Our groans fill the nightly sounds. My body writhes on top of the hard surface as I try to get closer to him. The hand on my hip slides up and under my back, and he lifts me as though I’m made of clouds, hugging me close. Lips still locked, he starts walking, and my eyes flip open. Within seconds, he’s already made it to the back. He breaks the kiss to catch his breath. I suck in a lungful of air, again and again.
“Come on,” he rasps, opening the backseat door and setting me down on the faded leather. I have no idea how he managed to dig out the keys from his pocket and open the door, but I’m grateful for it.
I scoot in, legs like jelly and my heart racing inside my chest. There’s no way I’m going to stop him, despite telling him we should try staying away from each other.
Sol follows me inside and shuts the door. He shifts and turns until his large frame is on top of mine in the small space. Then without warning, we’re all over each other. Hands and mouths, tangled limbs, racing hearts. We’re gasoline. We’re fire.
I reach down, brushing my fingers along his waistband, tentatively moving my hands to the front of his shorts. He sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes, and swallows hard. Feeling brave, I snap open the first button and tug down the zipper. I glance down as my hands push the shorts over his hips and dip into the—
Tap, tap, tap.
The insistent knocking on the window yanks me back to reality. Sol scrambles to cover me with his body even though I’m still dressed, then looks over his shoulder.
“Jeez, guys. You realize anyone can see you, right?” the guy yells, jerking a thumb to the lamp next to the car.
“Shit,” I mutter, sitting up while Sol hoists himself up and pulls up his shorts. “Sorry.”
He waves his hand. “Keep that shit behind closed doors.” Then he turns and strides away to join a group of guys a few feet away.
Laughter bubbles up my throat. I slap a hand over my mouth, but the sound slips out anyway. Sol’s hands pause, and he looks at me, his face still flushed, and his lips swollen from the kiss. He shakes his head and chuckles. When he’s done and the laughter fades, we watch each other, acknowledging what almost happened.
Disappointed spreads through my chest, but at the same time, I wonder if it was a blessing in disguise. Lust makes people stupid and reckless. He would’ve probably regretted it later. How can I live with myself after that?
I force a smile and say, “Saved by the knock, huh?”
Sol exhales and steps out of the car without a word, slipping into the driver’s seat. I follow him out and join him in the front.
Tension curls around my shoulders and need burns a hole in my chest. I grip the wheel tight to stop my hands from shaking. I’m still reeling from the kiss and what almost happened in the truck at the beach.
Oh, God. I was so close. So close to having sex with her. And I’m not sure what disturbs me more; the fact we almost lost our virginity in a truck, of all the places, or the fact that I can’t stop asking myself, what if I chose her?
I blink several times to clear my vision from the memory, then glance at Grace before returning my gaze to the road. Her eyes are closed as she sings along to Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women” on the radio. She’s a terrible singer, and judging by that cheeky smirk of hers, she knows. I hold back from saying anything. I need to calm the raging boner in my shorts, hoping it will get the message and lie low for a while. I focus on muttering a Hail Mary under my breath.
The song ends, and I hear her sigh as she wiggles on her seat as if she’s trying to get comfortable, then settles down.
I focus on what she told me at the beach.
Now I understand Grace a bit better. Understand the insecurity I see in her sometimes, and how she often steers away from uncomfortable conversation.
I don’t know what happened between Debra and Grace’s father, and I don’t have the right to judge. I just, I don’t know. I guess, I wish Grace’s father would have stuck around. I was lucky enough to know mine up until the accident. And I’ll always be grateful for that.
“Okay, Grandma,” Grace says, amused, touching my hand to claim my attention, then points at a parking spot across from her building. “Park over there.”
“Grandma?”
“You were driving so slow I aged ten years by the time we hit the outskirts of Portland.”
I cut the engine and lean back in my seat. I run my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re distracted.” She licks her lips nervously, fiddling with the strap of her purse. “Is it . . . is it what we almost did?”
My fingers unbuckle my seat belt, and I shift on my seat to face her. My gaze roams her face in the dimly lit space, taking in every feature. Something uncoils in my chest, something warm and contagious. I’m shivering, which causes my hands to shake a little. I feel like I’m catching a fever as heat burns through my veins, setting every part of me on fire like poison.
I take deep breaths to calm myself as I try to understand what my body is telling me.
“You okay?” Grace is asking me, reaching up and pushing back the ever-present locks of hair on my forehead. “Talk to me.” She’s pleading now. I’m a dick for making her worry. I need to figure out what’s happening to me before I scare her.
The answer to what I’m feeling hits me, the impact jolting me upright on the seat. Her eyes whip back to me, alarm clear in her face.
“Wha—”
“I-I love you,” I blurt out clumsily. Shit, how embarrassing is this. I laugh awkwardly. “I always thought if I ever got to say those words to someone I wouldn’t sound like I’m spitting them out. But they really didn’t come out smoothly.” I shake my head, inwardly hitting my head against a wall. “I—”
She slaps a hand over my mouth, cutting off my words, her eyes wide and unblinking. “Don’t say it.”
She drops her hand, shifts on her seat, and looks out the window. “God, Sol. Why, why did you say those words?” she whispers with a shaky voice.
And the Insensitive Jerk Award goes to Solomon Callan. Why can’t I stop making things difficult between us?
I sigh, placing one hand on her shoulder and turning her around to face me.
“I know I’m giving you some mixed vibes, and I’m so sorry about that. It’s just that I can’t keep it inside anymore, Gracie. I feel like I’m going to explode and . . . please say something. Anything. I don’t care if it’s to tell me to shut the hell up or tell me to go jump off a cliff and never show my face—”
“Shut up.” Her voice trembles, and her eyes shine with tears.
I blow out a shaky breath and laugh. “That works.”
“You’re leaving soon, Sol.”
I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say.