For just a split second, his fingers tighten around mine, then relax again. “No, we don’t,” he concedes, then adds, “I just want everyone to know you’re mine.”
I should be happy. Instead, I feel anxious. “What’s the hurry?”
His jaw flexes as he inhales a ragged breath. “If everyone knows you’re mine, maybe guys won’t think you’re an easy catch and try to kiss you.”
I gasp, my head still spinning from how quickly the light conversation went downhill.
“An easy catch?” My stomach churns with the destruction his words have left behind. For just a second, I wonder if he knows about the rumors in high school. No way. He doesn’t know unless Ivan told him, but Ivan’s not like that. He wouldn’t. What about Jessica? Maybe she told Levi about my mother and that’s why he thinks I’m easy? Suddenly I feel too hot. “Is that what you think I am? An easy catch?”
His eyes widen as if he realize what he just said. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, Grace. I didn’t mean it—”
I lift my hand, cutting him off. “I think I better go.”
Turning around, I hurry toward the dorm entrance, then pause to rummage inside my purse for my key. A strong hand grasps my bicep, turning me around.
“Fuck. I feel like I’ve been saying all the wrong things since we left Dirty Joes.”
I yank my hand away, fuming. “What’s going on with you?”
He starts pacing, dragging his fingers through his hair.
“I’m just . . .” His chest expands as he inhales deeply. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I keep saying the wrong thing . . . I shouldn’t have said that.”
He looks so remorseful that I feel rotten. But I push those feelings aside because I need to take care of me. No one else can do that.
“That’s very hurtful, Levi.”
“I know. And I’m sorry.” The light from the street lamp nearby illuminates his face, displaying the sincerity in his eyes.
I fiddle with my key, studying his tense expression. “Can I ask you a question?”
He nods, sliding his hands inside his jacket pockets.
“Why? Why put a label on this?” I gesture at the space between us.
His shoulders visibly tense. “Because I finally want to belong to someone. I’ve never had that. Never felt like this. It’s terrifying, and I’m scared it might not last.”
Oh, God. The vulnerability in his face and in his words knocks the breath out of me.
Belong to someone. Don’t we all want that at some point in our lives?
“Um, Grace? Did I scare you?”
Scared? A little. I’ve been there before, belonged to someone. The memory is still fresh.
His words hit below the belt, and I need time to recover from the blow. I know myself all too well and the way my heart thrives when shown a little attention. Levi has managed to charm his way past my defenses. He has made me like him way more than I thought I’d be capable of after Sol. But his comments were hurtful. Have I misread his character all these months?
I shake my head, the back of my nose burning with suppressed tears. “I have to go.”
Turning my back on him, I blink several times to clear my vision, then open the door.
“Grace.”
My feet freeze, but I don’t turn to look at Levi.
“Are we . . . will I see you tomorrow?”
I take a deep breath and whisper, “I’ll text you tomorrow.” Then I step inside and push the door shut behind me.
Grace: Hey. Won’t make it to your place today. I need some space to think.
I read and reread the text, then tap the screen to reply.
Me: Ok. But please don’t shut me out.
I send it, then spend the next three minutes staring at the screen, waiting for her reply.
Three dots appear. Seconds later, they disappear.
My fingers hover over the keypad as I debate whether to send another text. I don’t want to make an already awkward situation worse.
I feel Mesh’s curious gaze on me from across the room just as Gage walks in and heads for the coffee machine in the kitchen.
“Who pissed in your coffee, Keenan?” Gage asks, casting an amused glance in my direction before turning and filling his mug. He has an uncanny way of sensing people’s moods.
Ivan appears right after, scratching his junk through his shorts as he shuffles to the couch and throws himself on the space next to Mesh.
With a final glance at the screen, I toss my phone on the table in front of me and press the heels of my palms to my eyes, feeling tired and pissed at myself. Pissed at the whole situation.
I hardly slept last night after dropping Grace off at Beckett Hall. The look of hurt on her face haunted me. I still haven’t figured out how to make things right.
I lean back on the couch and stare at the ceiling. “I think I blew whatever chance I had with Grace.”
“Well, that didn’t take long,” Mesh mutters. I level a glare in his direction, but he just shrugs and reaches inside the box of pizza on his lap and takes a bite. I’m pretty sure it’s from last night.
“What the hell did you do?” Ivan asks with a scowl. “I told you this wasn’t a good idea.”
I wince at his words, averting my gaze only to meet Gage’s, and wait for him to rip me a new one. Instead, he leans a shoulder on the wall next to the fridge, his manner easygoing as always, and takes a sip of his coffee.
“What happened?” Gage finally asks.
My eyes find the ceiling again and focus on the black dot there as I tell them how I suggested to Grace that we should make our relationship—whatever that’s budding between us—official. “Then I told her that guys won’t think she’s an easy catch and kiss her if they knew she was mine.” Just hearing myself say those words aloud makes me cringe.
Mesh clicks his tongue, drawing my attention to him. “I might not be suave with the ladies, but I know when to hold back my jealousy.”
“I wasn’t jealous,” I protest.
Ivan jabs a finger in my direction. “Yes, you were. An easy catch? What were you thinking?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Same difference,” Ivan says. “She’s a chick. Chicks process shit differently than guys.” He studies me for a few seconds before saying, “You might have touched a nerve. Some shit happened back in high school . . .” he trails off, the look on his face telling me he’s said more than he intended to.
I sit up straight and lean forward. “What things?”
He scratches his head, then stands and heads for the coffee machine. “It’s not my story to tell. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. Just don’t ask her or do something to make it worse.”
I drag my fingers through my hair in frustration. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“Give her time,” Gage says. “She’ll come to you when she’s ready.”
I frown. “That’s bullshit advice.” But I also realize he’s right. My stupid ego wants to jump in my car and go talk to her.
Gage shrugs. “Maybe next time you’ll think before talking, Keenan. I like her a lot.”
I stand and stretch. I need a distraction before I go insane. I can’t lose her. The first girl I fell for was Jessica, and when she dumped me, it hurt like crazy. What I’m feeling for Grace reminds me of the way I felt about Jessica. My heart can’t handle that kind of pain again.