I snap the cap off the bottle and gulp down half the water, bracing myself for the rest of the story.
“When I was a sophomore I dated this guy—Gavin,” I say, meeting Levi’s gaze as he takes a big bite of his burger. “We’d been dating for a few weeks when he started hinting about sex.” I tell him how we started fooling around after the pep rally and me telling him to stop when things got too intense for my comfort. Gavin getting mad and calling me a cocktease, and finally the rumor that followed me through the rest of my years at Winston High. “So, yeah. I really hated high school after that.”
“Christ, what an asshole.” He wipes his hands with one of the paper towels, then covers my free hand with his, squeezing it in a comforting gesture. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
I shrug and smile. “I survived. I think I’m better for it.”
His gaze roams my face like he can’t get enough of me, then lifts his hand and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear.
We finish our meal and we head out. He has a class starting in ten minutes and mine begins in twenty.
Thanksgiving is around the corner and the mood around campus has been jovial, the anticipation of spending a few days away from school tangible and addictive. I’ve been torn between excitement and nervousness, and at some point, those two emotions seem to blur together as the countdown to the day my grandparents arrive in Northford inches closer. So when Levi invited us to hang out with them, I jumped at the chance, desperately needing a distraction. He is the distraction I need. For the past few weeks since the after-party at Dirty Joes, things between us have been good.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to having dinner with my grandparents. I’m just not sure what to expect since I don’t really know them and vice versa.
After Mass, I drove home, then MJ and I did our weekly yoga and meditation. The blue streaks in my hair were starting to look unkempt, so MJ dyed it back to dark brown we before drover in MJ’s car to the other side of town to pick up Zulakya.
Now, we’re standing in the small foyer inside her grandmother’s home, trying to convince her she looks great in the knee-length blush-pink dress. The material cinches at the waist before flowing down to her knees. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail, cascading past her shoulders.
“This wasn’t a good idea,” she mumbles.
“What wasn’t a good idea?” I ask.
“This dress.” She gestures down her frame with one hand, then adds, “Going with you guys.”
“You look beautiful,” I assure her.
“I wish my waist were that small,” MJ laments mournfully, eyeing Zulakya’s midriff.
I bump her shoulder. “Shut up. You do have a small waist and perfect ass.”
She grins and winks at me. “I knew you liked my ass.”
I laugh. “Of course, I do. Now can we focus on Zula? I’m getting hungry, and Levi promised me food. Lots of food.”
“Oh. Is that all he promised?” MJ wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
I roll my eyes and turn to Zulakya. I know a thing or two about feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Or choice of clothing. “You could change if you don’t feel comfy. Also, let’s make a deal. If you don’t feel like staying once we get there, we can bring you home, okay?”
She chews her bottom lip, mulling over my words. Then she huffs out a breath and nods. “Let me grab my purse and coat.”
Moments later, we’re all seated inside MJ’s car and driving to downtown Northford.
“So have you and Levi had sex yet?” MJ asks, her eyes flicking to mine curiously before returning to the road.
Heat climbs into my cheeks as I sputter words. I’m still not used to speaking about sex as freely as MJ.
“That’s a no, I assume?” she continues talking.
I groan. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“So you’ve done the dirty. And you didn’t tell me?”
“Oh, my God.” I cover my face with my hands. “Have you ever heard of boundaries?”
“Nope.” She darts a look in my direction, then back at the street. “That word shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary. We’re like sisters.”
Warmth seeps into my chest as her words echo my feelings for her. This girl who crashed through my walls and planted herself in my life. A friend I never knew I needed until she came along.
“Yes, we are.” I turn my body and place my hand on her shoulder, then push my other through the space between the seats of the car, wiggling it in Zulakya’s direction. Her fingers close around mine tight. “Sisters for life, no matter what.”
“You guys don’t even know me that well,” Zulakya says in a quiet voice.
I glance at her and smile. “We know enough. Every girl needs sisters in her life.”
MJ nods. “And if you go psycho on us, we’ll just screw your head back on straight. Sisters never abandon each other.”
Zulakya leans forward and puts her hand on my shoulder and the other on MJ’s. She opens her mouth to say something but then stops, inhales deeply, and whispers in a quivering voice, “Thank you.”
“Oh. I hope you won’t regret it,” MJ says with a laugh before flicking me a gaze. “So . . . have you done it?”
I sigh. “Not yet.”
“Really? I thought you two would have done it by now. I mean, the way he looks at you like you’re a slice of bacon—”
“Bacon? Really, MJ?” I ask in disbelief. Zulakya snorts in the back seat but doesn’t say anything.
“That boy loves bacon. You should see him get all drool-y over that shit.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “You’re ridiculous.”
She waggles her eyebrows playfully before focusing on the road ahead, allowing me time to think.
Am I ready to take that step with Levi? My mom always said sex for women can be very empowering. Deciding who you give yourself to is a gift for them and for you.
Do I want to give myself to him?
Leaning back in my seat, I glance out the window as we drive the rest of the way to the boys’ house. My thoughts wander back to Sol asking me not to give up on him.
Where are you Sol? Why haven’t you called me? Have you changed your mind?
These questions plague my mind. I shouldn’t let my fear of being abandoned or rejected control me, but I feel like I’m waiting for someone who’ll never come back. I know in the grand scheme of things, I should be focusing on my education. Maybe if Sol hadn’t showed me how it feels to be loved with such fierceness, I wouldn’t miss it. I wouldn’t wonder if I’ll ever feel that kind of love again. Levi makes my heart hurt less and he makes me forget. It’s so easy to be around him. He’s constant.
My phone beeps with a notification. Digging it out of my purse, I unlock the screen and tap the message alerting me that I have a new post, but before I can read it, I notice a new friend request. I tap the icon, and Levi’s request pops up. I accept it, biting my lip to keep my smile from breaking free.
“You look like the cat that swallowed the canary,” MJ says, side-eyeing me. “Wanna share?”
“It’s nothing.” She snorts, but before she can make another comment, I say, “Levi just sent me a friend request.”