“I mean it.”
Andrew’s hand very briefly pressed against his lower back, half comforting, half guiding him off the boardwalk and back towards the water park. Brian shivered and concentrated on not running over excited kids. He felt the heat of that fleeting touch all the way out of the natural habit and into the man-made one.
Wandering around led them to a Ninja Turtles show. Standing at the back with the parents, they mimicked the ninja moves like the kids did. After the show, they bought nunchaku and sai to have mock fights with. Of course, Brian ended up on his arse in the wading pool.
“Smooth move, Raphael.” Andrew laughed and held a hand out for him.
Brian scowled up at him. “It was a strategic move, actually.” He took the hand and pulled Andrew in.
“You fuu . . . fire trucker,” Andrew spluttered when he came up.
“You fell for it.” Brian splashed water at him.
Andrew shoved him, and Brian grabbed him so they both rolled over. They tussled in the water until they were completely soaked and laughing.
“Hey!”
They froze in mid roll and peered up at the park security guy standing at the edge of the pool, watching them sternly. When he had their attention, he pointed to a sign that said “Children Only.”
“Sorry.” Andrew immediately untangled himself and got up.
This time when he held a hand out to him, Brian didn’t try any tricks. They hurried away, dripping wet and giggling.
Brian’s phone boinged in his back pocket. He pulled it out and shook his phone free of water. Thankful for the waterproof case, he checked the message. “Shit. It’s Elle. The ski show is starting now.”
“Great. We’ll be in trouble if we don’t see every second of it.”
“I will be in trouble,” Brian corrected sourly. “She never gets pissed at you. It’ll be all my fault you’re late. And wet.”
Andrew gave him a wide-eyed innocent look. “But you are to blame.”
“Fu . . . fire truck you.”
Laughing, Andrew shoved him towards the monorail station.
“Wouldn’t it be quicker to walk?” Brian leaned back against Andrew’s hands, refusing to be moved.
Andrew grunted and gave him a bigger push. “Probably, but I don’t want to.”
“You just want me to get into even bigger trouble with Elle.”
Suddenly, Andrew was right up against his back, hands on Brian’s shoulders holding him so he couldn’t move. Brian doubted he could have even if his brain had been working enough to make it happen. Even wet he could feel the heat of Andrew’s body, was skin-pricklingly aware of the solidity of him, the strength in his hands. Oh shit, if he weren’t currently terrified of these new sensations, Brian probably would have sprung wood.
Andrew leaned his face in next to Brian’s and whispered, “Maybe I like watching you squirm.”
Yup. That did it. Brian was now plumping up right there, in the middle of H2GO, surrounded by happy families having a fun day at a family friendly park.
With a chuckle, Andrew gave him another push and Brian staggered for the monorail, completely at Andrew’s mercy.
They waited with a couple of other people and when the rail cars stopped and the doors opened, Andrew gently nudged Brian along until they were sitting alone in the back. Brian crossed one leg over the other and willed his dick to settle the hell down.
For fucks sake, it wasn’t like he and Andrew hadn’t ever touched before. They’d play wrestled, tackled each other in footy games, brushed up against each other in their little kitchen. When Brian had broken his ankle, Andrew had an-Officer-and-a-Gentlemaned him into the hospital for X-rays. All during Andrew’s illness and recovery, Brian had held him, stroked his back, kissed his temple, curled around him in bed while Andrew shook himself into exhausted sleep. He’d even had the man’s dick and balls in his hands when Andrew had found the lump.
This was different though. Andrew was apparently in love with him and Brian . . . Well, he didn’t know about the love side of things, but he was certainly A-okay with maybe getting physical with him. And Andrew was sitting really close, his knee nudging Brian’s thigh, touching from shoulder to elbow, Andrew’s hand resting on his own leg, but maybe only a centimetre away from Brian’s. A finger twitch and they’d be almost holding hands.
“I’m sorry,” Andrew murmured.
Fixated on the tiny movements of Andrew’s fingers, wondering if his friend would actually touch him, it took Brian a few moments to register the words.
“Huh?” He looked up blankly at Andrew. “What for?”
Andrew stared at where their hands were resting so close to each other. “For telling you how I felt when I did. It was unfair. But seeing Elle and James like that, and after they asked me about being the best man, I . . .” He shrugged and his finger got a fraction of a bit closer to Brian’s. “I don’t know. It made me sad, I guess. I thought maybe I was jealous of James. It could have been me with Elle like that.”
Something in Brian’s chest clenched so tight he almost whimpered. He did wince though. Andrew and Elle had once seemed inevitable to him. They had just belonged. But then Elle had broken Andrew’s heart and Brian had never really forgiven her for hurting him, even after Andrew had said it wasn’t entirely her fault they broke up. If Andrew wanted Elle back, Brian didn’t think he could handle that. It hurt to think of her with him again.
“I was jealous, but not of James, or Elle. They’re happy together and they work better than Elle and I ever did.”
The monorail came to a stop and out of his window, Brian saw the main lake. A speedboat roared past, cutting a wide wake, which two skiers used to launch themselves into jumps and spins.
“Crap. The show’s started.” Brian went to get up but Andrew caught his hand.
“Can we stay here? I need to finish this.”
Unable to deny Andrew most things, Brian nodded and relaxed back into his seat. Elle would rip him a new one, and she might even have a go at Andrew, but that didn’t matter when Andrew’s brown eyes locked onto his.
People got off the monorail and others got on. Thankfully no one got too close to the soaking wet guys up the back and when they were in motion again, Andrew continued.
“I was jealous of what they have. Of their happiness.”
Brian nodded. “I think we all are. They don’t even try to hide it from us single losers.”
“Right?” Andrew sighed and tipped his head back. “I just wanted that again. I’m tired of being sad.”
Brian wanted to tell Andrew it would be okay, but his throat was so tight it would come out as a croak if he tried.
“So, I got drunk and went for broke. It was wrong and I’m sorry. I meant what I said and I get that it’s probably not what you expected to hear, or want to hear. I’m not going to do or say anything that’ll make you uncomfortable. If you can’t live with me anymore, that’s okay. We can sort out a schedule with Archy. Or if you don’t want anything more to do with me, I’ll understand. You can take Archy. You can have the townhouse, since it’s close to the hospital. I’ll find somewhere else.”
Jesus. Brian’s heart felt like it had suddenly become super dense, weighing down his chest so he could barely breath or speak. The last three days had been bad enough. What would life be like without Andrew in it in some way? Brian barely had any memories of a time when Andrew wasn’t around. If he lost his best friend, it would be like losing a limb. No. More like losing a lung because that was what Andrew was to him—life-giving air. If Andrew went away, he’d still be able to breathe, but it wouldn’t be as deep. Fear shifted the heaving lump in his chest enough he could talk.