He laughs, and it’s cold and cruel as if I’m some naïve, little child. “Yeah, I’m sure his mistress tells him how proud she is as he tosses money at her.”
I place my hand over my heart, the shock of his words making it beat faster in my chest. I don’t know if it’s true, but the sureness in his tone tells me it is.
“And my mother . . .”
“Your mother is a goddess,” I interrupt. There’s no way he can have anything bad to say about Nora.
“She’s a doormat.” I look at him, stunned. “She’s always tiptoeing around, keeping everything perfect so my dad won’t leave her, knowing he’s fucking around on her but still desperate to keep him there.”
I shake my head vehemently from side to side, my hand sliding up over my throat, the truth strangling me. “Stop, Linc.”
“Lola doesn’t know who the hell she is. She tries so fucking hard to be like my mother. Asher is withdrawn and acts out at school, and don’t even get me started on Colt.”
“Colt is perfect,” I bite out, angry at Linc for never backing down. I finally will my legs to walk as I stand up from the bench and walk toward the basketball court.
Of course, he follows me, catching my arm and turning me to face him. “He’s afraid of everything, terrified of disappointing dear ole Dad. He’s going to explode one day, P,” I watch his throat bob with anguish, “in a way none of us will see coming.”
“Stop, Linc. Please,” I beg him as he holds my arm, and then he pulls me to his chest, tugging me into a close embrace that I accept because I’m worn out and tired of fighting all my insecurities.
I let him hold my body to his, his large arms enveloping me, making me feel safe. He softly strokes my hair with tenderness, which I didn’t even know Linc had in him. “What happened, P?”
I breathe him in, letting him comfort me for a moment, knowing it won’t be long before we’re butting heads again. “Nothing happened to me, Linc.” I look up at him. “The girl I lived with before this house told me what happened to her at her last foster home.”
I push away from him and walk back to the bench, sitting down feeling defeated.
He joins me, leaning back against the bench, his knees bent casually, but I can feel his tension. “What happened to her?”
I’ve been careful to keep details about my home situation and my reality quiet, but even if Linc grew up privileged, he does seem to understand the harshness of the real world. “Her foster father used to . . .” I swallow, feeling sick just thinking about it, and when I lean forward slightly, wrapping my arms around my stomach, I feel his large hand on my lower back. “He used to rape her. For a full year, he would sneak into her room and do whatever he wanted to her body.”
He doesn’t gasp in shock, and when I dare to look at his face, he doesn’t look horrified, more furious but still calm. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. She even reported it to her caseworker, but the guy lied and said that she was mistaking affection for abuse because of her past. And she had lied about something minor before to get moved out of a different house and has a history of lying, so they didn’t believe her.” I fight a frustrated cry as I look into his eyes, still hunched over. “But I could see it in her eyes. I know she wasn’t lying.”
“I believe you.”
My voice is weak. “I don’t want that to happen to me, Linc.”
His eyes darken as he pulls me to his side, wrapping his arm around me. “I’ll never let that happen to you.”
“I have two more years.” I’ve had a countdown running in my head since my mother left me.
“Move in with us.”
I scoff at that. “I can’t do that.”
“Yes, you can. You have to. It should have happened years ago. My parents adore you, even my dad, and you know he’s an asshole.”
I shake my head and sit up straight. “It takes forever to apply to be a foster parent.”
He shrugs. “Money talks.” He looks determined. “For once, let it do some damn good.”
“I can’t.”
I stand up again, needing to get away from him. He stands behind me as I watch the sun starting to set over the horizon. “Why not?”
I turn to look at him, my eyes serious with no hint of bullshit. “You know why.”
He does. We both know. There’s a tension between us, something I can’t explain. I catch him looking at me, and I’m sure he’s caught me doing the same. It’s wrong. I love Colt, but there’s always been an infuriating, confusing attraction to Linc.
“I’m leaving for college in a few months. You and Colt will be free of me.” He takes my right hand in his. “Just do it so we know you’ll be safe.”
“I don’t know.”
He presses our hands over his heart. His voice barely above a whisper. “I need you to be safe.”
I can’t catch my breath as I feel my hand in his, pressed against his thundering heart.
I know this is a terrible idea, but the only place I’ve ever felt safe my entire life has been with Colt and him.
And yet, it’s also the most dangerous place to be.
I’m stiff and sore when I wake up in bed alone from the punishment of Linc’s strong body. I can still smell him on me. I look down and see I’m in his t-shirt from last night.
A simple dark blue tee with white letters spelling out “Nope.” It’s distinctly Linc.
I vaguely remember him slipping it on over my head after I fell asleep. I also remember his lips pressing to my forehead before he exited my room, obviously thinking I was completely out of it.
Because Linc is only nice when he thinks no one is watching.
I close my eyes and try to force myself to breathe deep.
Colt’s birthday without him, the first day in a long time that was too much for me to handle.
I miss him with every single breath I take.
But last night with Linc, I was able to briefly escape.
He helped me reach my goal of making the world stop for a second, but now the harsh reality of the morning after is here, and I feel like shit.
My eyes open as my head swivels to the side and look out at the water.
“I’m sorry, Colt.”
My apology is whispered into the air as I look up at the ceiling, hating who I’ve become but also who I was.
How can I face his mother tomorrow?
I look at the clock and see it’s already late afternoon.
I pull the comforter over my eyes and again try to breathe, but it only comes out in short, shaky sputters because the thought of facing Nora, a woman I’ve always looked up to, is too much to bear.
I know she’s going to want to know how I am. She’ll want to see that I’m okay, to hear that I love school and that I’m making lots of new friends. That I’m moving on. Because that’s who Nora is, she wants the best for the people she loves, and she truly loves me.
She gave me nothing but love and look what I did to her.
I destroyed her entire family.
My own mother was a lunatic. She was crazy, from what I remember and by what I was told. I don’t have many memories of her, but the ones I do have are all bad. She was on drugs and an alcoholic. But she had a fun little nickname for me, the name is burned into my brain. The memory of the last time I saw her always stays in the back of my mind. With stringy black hair and dead blue eyes, she looked directly at the police officer and said, “Take her. She’s my tragedy, and that’s all she’ll ever bring.”