“I want you so bad, Pea.”
I move my hands to the back of his head, pulling his lips to mine. “You can have me. We’re older now.”
His brow furrows, and he moves his head back slightly. “You really think getting pregnant at sixteen is that much better than at fifteen?”
“No, but we’ll be careful.” I kiss along his jaw. “I’m on the pill now.”
His hands move to my arms, pulling me back to look at him. “You’re what?”
Suddenly, I feel ashamed as I shrug in his hold. “I just thought it would be a good idea to be safe in case we get out of control.”
He looks at me with disappointment and uncertainty. “We never lose control.”
“I know, but I mean,” I look down at his lap, still feeling his dick hard and pressed against me, “we’re clearly attracted to each other. Our bodies want this.”
“Pea.” He takes a deep breath and moves my body next to him and off his lap. “I’m not Linc. I won’t disappoint my parents. I have a plan I can’t deviate from.”
I grab my tank top and pull it on over my head, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “I know, but we love each other. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing.”
He turns to me, brushing his hand sweetly over my cheek. “I don’t want it to get out of control. We have to wait until we’re at least out of high school, Pea. No mistakes.”
I nod, but I don’t understand. I think about Linc and the girl earlier, both of them lost in lust and enjoying each other’s bodies, and they aren’t even in love. I don’t think Linc is capable of being in love. “Okay.”
He pulls me to his side as we settle down under his covers. “Damn. My balls are going to hate me though.”
I laugh slightly against his chest as I cuddle against his warm body. “Yeah, well my body hates you a little too.”
“I’ll always want you.”
I want to believe him, but I feel dirty offering myself to him and being turned down. I feel trashy and desperate as I try to fight the memories of my mother telling me how worthless I’ll always be.
Telling me when I was only six years old that I ruin lives.
Does Colt think I’ll ruin his life? Is that what he’s worried about?
Does he see it too?
I pull a clean tee over my head and hear the doorbell ring. I toss the towel in the hamper as I walk out of my room and shout toward the bathroom. “Hurry up, P. She’s here.”
I walk through the living room and pull open the door, surprised to see my sister with my mom.
“Lola.”
Her eyes meet mine, and I see the same worry in them as I did when she was here the other day. “I hope it’s okay I tagged along. I wanted to see Penelope too.”
I nod my head and move out of the doorway to let them both come in.
My mom is dressed as usual in a fancy silk blouse, slacks and heels. She hugs me to her body, breathing in, and I catch the quick sob from her throat. “You look so good, Lincoln.”
Really? Because I feel like shit.
I don’t say it out loud though. My mother’s been through enough, and I’ll spare her my attitude. “So do you, Mom.”
She laughs as she pulls back, smoothing her hair with her hand even though not one hair was out of place.
Lola gives me a quick squeeze before I close the door behind them.
“Where’s Penelope?” My mother looks around with a hopeful look on her face that kills me. I know she thought Penelope going to school and living with me was going to somehow magically change her, but it only made shit worse.
I don’t want to see my mother’s face when P comes out in old, wrinkled clothes, hungover, and barely able to fucking function.
“She’ll be out soon. She was up late studying last night and is just now getting ready.”
The lie comes easily. It always has.
My mother smiles and takes a seat on the living room couch. “Oh, that’s wonderful. And it gives us some time to catch up, Lincoln. It feels like it’s been so long since we’ve talked even on the phone.”
I grimace, feeling guilty about that as I take a seat in one of the chairs and let Lola sit next to our mother on the couch.
“I know. I’m really sorry. I guess I’ve been busy.”
She smiles, her posture perfect as she sits on the couch. Years of trying to keep our family together, and not just that, but seeming so perfect from the outside is starting to show on her face. The worry lines have multiplied on her forehead and around her eyes. “I understand, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”
I swallow painfully and turn to Lola. “How’s being out of college?”
My sister matches my mom’s posture, mirroring her completely. I worry that some fucking asshole will easily swoop in soon and she’ll also take up the role of the pristine, trophy wife. Will they end up with three perfect kids and one fuck-up too?
“It’s great.”
No way she enjoys working for our asshole of a father, but I can’t ask her that in front of Mom.
I notice my mother has shifted slightly, crossing her ankles, and I know talking about what Lola is up to has made her uncomfortable because it made her think of my father.
“Good.”
“What about you, Lincoln?” Mom’s eyes meet mine. “Have you thought about what you will do when you graduate next year?”
Definitely not working for my prick father.
“Not really.”
She doesn’t seem surprised, but she hides her disappointment well.
“How is Penelope, Lincoln?” I see the worry in her tired eyes, and I want to be anywhere else. I don’t enjoy lying to my mother.
I notice Lola’s eyes are laser-focused on me now too.
“She’s fine. Doing well in school.”
My mother looks relieved, but apparently Lola isn’t 100 percent my mother’s twin because I see a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes.
She knows I’m lying, and I wonder if she’ll call me out.
There was a time she didn’t have a problem doing that. I mean, Lola was always good like Colt, but she had a fire in her once, calling me on my bullshit, especially when it came to Penelope.
But now, Lola only purses her lips tightly and keeps quiet.
“Nora. Lola.”
We all turn at the sound of Penelope’s voice coming from the hallway as she walks into the living room. I brace myself as I lift my eyes to look at her, wondering what level of trainwreck she’s at.
I swear my jaw hits the floor when I see her. Her hair has been dried and curled into large waves she’s left mostly down but partially pinned up in the middle of her head. Her make-up is subtle, yet polished and sophisticated.
She dressed in a fucking gray cardigan with black pants, and I want to fucking scream because it’s not her.
Not at all.
But it makes my mother squeal with delight when she meets P halfway and pulls her into a tight hug, stroking her hair with her hand. “Penelope. You look beautiful.”
“So do you.” I hear Penelope’s soft voice as she holds my mother to her, clinging to her with both hands.
My mom finally pulls her back slightly, holding onto her shoulders and giving her a once over. “My goodness, you have truly blossomed into a gorgeous young woman. College has done amazing things for you.”