“I know. I don’t know how to live again without him.”
“I think we have to try. For him. I’m pretty sure he would be really fucking pissed about the last year. And I know Asher’s right. I have to make more of an effort with my family.”
I smile and nod, looking out at the water. “Me too. They’re my family forever too. You’re right, I’ve been selfish.”
“You’ve been grieving the loss of the love of your life. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”
I nudge him with my elbow. “Don’t turn into a pussy on me, Linc. I need to be pushed.”
He laughs at that, and I realize how badly I fucked up using those exact words as I’m falling into the water because the fucker shoved me off the dock. But he quickly jumps in with me.
“Asshole.”
He sinks under the water, wetting his hair and then popping back up. “At least the water’s warm.”
I laugh and dunk him under the water again before he comes back up and wraps his arms around me. “We’ll get through this, Linc.”
His smile is brighter than I’ve seen it in a long time. “I think you’re right.”
I’ve been holding on to the fact that I ended things with Colt the night he died for way too long, and the weight of that being lifted is a relief.
We aren’t healed, not even close. But maybe today, we took one little baby step in the right direction.
“Nora.” I place my hand tentatively on Nora’s shoulder, looking out over the balcony at the sun rising over the water.
I swam with Linc in the lake last night for hours, and then we both went back to our respective rooms in the house, but I didn’t sleep much.
There are so many questions in my head. I feel good about my talk with Linc, but today we go back to the house we share on campus, and I’m afraid it will all turn sour again.
I don’t believe we can ever stop punishing each other.
Nora doesn’t turn toward me, one hand playing with her necklace and the other wrapped around her small waist, looking out over the water. “They all think I loved him the most.”
A gasp catches, and I try not to let it escape. I didn’t expect her to say that, not in a million years. “I know how much you love all of your children.”
“I do.” She’s still, her soul haunted. “They were all I ever wanted. I didn’t grow up in a happy home. I just wanted my children to be happy.”
“They are, Nora.” I know that’s not exactly true now and correct myself. “They all were, at least, and they will be again.”
“How? You heard Asher. He’s so angry with me, and he should be. He’s right. I miss Colt with every part of me. I haven’t been a mother this year. I failed him.”
“You’re grieving.”
She turns to face me, her hand falling from her necklace. “You don’t get to stop being a mother once you become one. It never stops. But I’ve been so lost.”
“We all are.” I see the anguish her eyes and feel my self-hatred creeping back up.
“I know. And I don’t know how to rescue any of you.” She turns back to the lake, her voice quiet. “This trip was supposed to help, but it only did damage.”
I place a hand on her shoulder. “No. I think it was therapeutic in a way.”
Linc and I have lived together for a year and never had a conversation even close to as honest as the one we had last night.
“I just keep staring at the water, knowing he died there. Alone. With us all right here under this roof.”
“I know, but he loved you so much, Nora. The last thing he would want is for you to be sad like this. He would want you to live your life.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder. “Maybe even date someday. Find happiness.”
Nora laughs at that, sniffling through tears. “I don’t see dating in my future.”
I’m not exactly sure of the details of her divorce from Mr. Sterling. All I know is a couple of months after the funeral, he announced he was leaving and that was it. He filed the papers, she didn’t contest it, and they were done.
I don’t think she had it in her to fight anymore.
“Never say never, Nora. You deserve to be happy.”
She smiles and lays her head on my shoulder as we look out over the horizon. “So do you, sweetheart. No matter who it is that makes you happy.”
I feel my entire body tense as she smiles, lifting her head from my shoulder and brushing her hand over my cheek with a smile on her face.
Does she know about me and Linc? Whatever the hell it is?
She kisses my temple. “We better get on the road.”
I nod dumbly as I follow her downstairs, and we all climb into the car, saying goodbye to the lake house yet again.
Who knows if we’ll ever come back? Part of me thinks we got everything we possibly could from this place.
We’ve been home from the lake for two days, and I’ve been doing my usual thing, avoiding P because I can’t fucking face her.
They broke up that night. And she never told me.
I meant what I said, I don’t want to hurt her anymore, but something Asher said has stuck with me, festering under the surface.
I’m playing house with my brother’s girlfriend.
Even if they broke up the night he died, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t have made up the next day. It was Penelope and Colt. They would have worked it out.
And yes, I know Asher is a moody, little teenage asshole, but he’s not wrong.
What the hell are we doing here?
She said that she fell in love with both of us. I can’t find the balls to ask her what that means. Because to me, being vulnerable isn’t an option and never has been.
Did she mean when we were kids? When we fucked on prom night? Now?
I can’t ask any of it. And it’s making me seethe with anger, frustrated beyond belief, and I’m afraid what will happen if I confront her.
Because I can’t not punish her when I feel like this. And I want to stick to the plan.
Splashing around in the lake together felt good. Too good. It felt . . . Hell, it felt like we were free for the first time in over a year.
And to me, that’s dangerous.
I start down the hall toward the bathroom, needing a shower so I can get out of the house before P wakes up. But of course, as luck would have it, I hear the shower turn on right as I reach the bathroom, and I’m now staring at a wet, naked Penelope in the glass shower.
Fuck me. Why does she have to be so fucking perfect?
It’s really not fair.
I watch her head fall back as she lets the water spray over her face, sliding down her tan body. Her hands moving to soap up her hair, the bubbles forming under her fingertips, her full tits pulled up and just there for my eyes.
My cock wakes up and wants so badly to join her, but I have to remember I’m in a mood, one that will want to hurt her.
She turns, seeing me, but doesn’t register any shock as she pushes the door of the shower open, inviting me in.
Don’t do it, Linc.
I lift my shirt and push my sweats and briefs down almost on autopilot because we both knew I was going to join her. I climb into the shower, pulling the door closed, and she moves back to the water, letting it fall over her as she faces away from me.