Sliding open my window, I toss my pumps out, watching my large bag hit the grass with a thud. Slowly, I climb out onto the closest limb. Careful not to fall, I trace the letters we carved the first night Joshua scaled my wall, ‘You’re worth the risk. J <3 E.’
“I’ll be safe, Rachel, but I refuse to die in this room while everyone else goes on living. What about you? What will you tell them?”
“You were gone when I got here, obviously. I told them to bring in a doctor.” She smirks. “But you know, Andrew knows everything.”
I snort a disgusted laugh. “We’ll see.”
Once I’m on the ground, I wave back up to her and sway on my feet. I’m not sure how I will get out of here like this, but I pick up my oversized purse and sprint to the garage. No cars. Where the fuck are they? There in the corner is the bike Costin gave me for my 17th birthday. Fuck it. I roll it out of the bay and around the side, out of view of Daddy’s office, and then jump on, speeding from the drive, trying my best to keep the bike from swerving. I have a cow to visit and friends to get to. If parties fix the guys’ problems, well, it’s time for me to give it a try, too.
Pulling onto the dirt road, I ease over the fence and run to the field, calling out as I sprint through the tall grass, pushing aside my nausea.
“Joey Ramone, get your fancy fluffy fanny over here, and love me!” I drop to my knees when I reach him, soaking in this moment, and cry into his fur. He is untainted; he’s the good from my childhood, and I need this desperately.
“Can you do me a solid, master J? I need you to hold onto this for me.” I secure my bracelet to a lanyard, draping it around his neck, and grin. “Rockin’ the bling, you fantastically cute muffin! I gotta roll out before they notice I’m gone, but make sure you move around a lot, ’kay? I’ll see you soon. Hearts and stardust, sidekickster!” I blow him a kiss and hop the fence, jump on my bike, and speed off.
Three minutes later, I’m pulling onto the freeway, weaving between cars and pushing myself to dangerous speeds. If I die today, then so be it. At least, I will die free. I tip my head back, sighing. Is this what it feels like to fly, Joshua? A horn startles me, and I narrowly avoid colliding with a pickup. I barely manage to right my bike and pull off on Isa’s exit. Slowly making my way through town to her family’s modest home, I feel my heart ache with want. I love her house. It’s always warm, people laughing or reading, sitting in comfortable worn-in couches. Her mom hugs everyone, dad snores in his chair, and her siblings run around giggling. Her house is made cozy by love. It’s a home. She hates it, always complaining about the noise and wanting nicer clothes and shoes. But she’s wrong. She has all of the best things here already; she has a family with real love.
I climb off my bike as the girls rush out, and Isa hugs me. “Holy shit, Lili! What the hell? How did you get away?”
“We came to your house every day! I know you said you were fine and you didn’t need our help, but Lili, look at you! You’re skin and bones, sweetie. It’s only been two months! And Joshua…” Nat’s lip trembles as they both hold me.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I will. I promise. But right now, I just need to escape. Help me forget for a little while? I just need some fun, okay? ”
Nodding, they each give me a small grin.
“What?” This looks promising.
“Leave your bike, Lili. We have just the place.” Isa points to the uber waiting behind us.
Stepping into my pumps, I toss my boots in my bike bag and accept Nat’s arm as we follow Isa to the waiting car.
“So listen. I need you all to turn off your location services on your phones. No check-ins, no live videos, nothing. They can’t know where I am.”
“Uh, duh, we figured as much.” They show me their phones, proving they had already done just that.
“We can fix this, Lili. You’re still gorgeous.” Isa sets to work on my makeup as Nat brushes out my hair.
“So if we aren’t going to be spotted, where are we going?” I question.
Isa shifts, focusing on my blush.
“Isa, what did you do? Where are we going?” I smack her knee.
“Isa boned the drummer… like a lot… We’re hanging out with 3J at their place. They’re here, writing or some junk,” Nat blurts out, covering her laugh behind my oversized hairbrush.
“Wait, you… I… when? I thought you liked Jonah?” Well, this could get uncomfortable. The last time I saw Jonah, I turned him down for Joshua. I take a deep breath, pushing the pain away.
“Lili, you okay?” Nat touches my arm.
“Great. Let’s party, bitches.” I fake a smile.
“Yeah?” They look skeptical.
“Girls. Don’t. Let’s just have fun, okay? I really need this, so let me try.” I look out the window.
They both nod as we pull up in front of a tall brick building, and we get out, ducking through the small crowd shouting questions at us. I watch my feet, hiding my face and trying to block out the sounds of the camera shutters.
‘I’ve got you, Angel. You’re safe.’ His voice echoes in my memory, and I shake it away. I can do this.
We get inside, leaving the chaos behind the heavy doors, waiting while Isa shows security her ID.
“Let’s go, bitches,” she shouts back, grinning.
“Isa, wait.” I catch her arm, steadying myself. “Does he remember me?”
“Yep.” She looks away.
“Does he know about-” I break a bit and clear my throat.
“Yes, Lili. He knows. I was worried and drinking… It came out. I texted that you’re coming. We’re going to get drunk and hang out with the guys. They are putting their album together, tight schedule, no clubs, no parties. They were sent here for quiet to create. It will be chill, so just… chill,” she rushes out.
“Yeah, okay.” I can fucking do this.
We reach the door, and it’s immediately yanked open. Jeremy throws a giggling Isa over his shoulder, and Nat beelines for Jared. Well balls, seems they have been here before. Looks like I’m on my own… again.
“The ladies have arrived, boys. Quit playing with yourselves, and be polite… maybe they will play with you instead,” Jeremy laughs out.
Just great. I look around, considering my options. “Fucking hell.” I stomp.
“Looking for me?” I freeze. There he is. Don’t look directly at him, Eliana. That dimple could seduce a nun.
“Coming in?” He places a finger under my chin, tipping it up to meet my gaze. “There she is-” He smiles. “Still beautiful.”
“Still dreamy, Jonah, but I…“
“Casual, beautiful. We’re going to hang out while our friends…“
“Whore out?” I snort.
“Yeah. That.” He leads me to the kitchen. “Hungry?”
“Nope.” I shake my head and then nod to the bottle of vodka on the counter. “Thirsty.”
“All right, but only if you eat something first.” I start to argue, but he holds up a hand. “House rules, beautiful. Food and water before booze.”
“Uh-huh,” I huff. He’s full of shit, and he knows it.