Cooper glanced in my direction and nodded, as did Zane, and I just shrugged. My mom watched us and turned to me.
“I spoke to Shawn this morning, and he’s horrified at himself. I have warned him if he ever lifts his hands to any of you again, then I’ll leave him and take you all with me.”
As the silence descended, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I grabbed my crutches and stood up.
“Mom, I need to get some air.” She glared at me and made me want to sit back down, but I couldn’t, I moved towards the door when Cooper’s voice reached me.
“Finally,” he muttered, almost under his breath but not quite. My eyes shot to his as pain laced through me. He held my gaze without any remorse at all and I spun around, unsteady as I rushed down the hall. I pushed and pushed the button for the elevator, as footsteps sounded behind me.
“Bailey, your mom wants you to go back to the room for a minute,” Abbi muttered in a bored tone and I ignored her, feeling a full-on panic attack coming on. I pushed and pushed on the call button, but nothing was happening.
After another few seconds, a nurse passed by, and seeing the panic on my face, she spoke gently to me.
“Honey, these elevators aren’t working. It’s the ones at the other end of the hall that you need to use.” I nodded at her, completely focused on escaping and as she walked away from me a shove at my back sent me flying across the floor. Abbi stepped over me, making sure to step on my fingers as she did.
I broke. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. My vision was blurry from paint and tears. My breath came in gasps and my chest hurt. I struggled to get up and even with all the help of the nurses and some orderlies who were passing, I couldn’t calm my breathing down. Everything was a mess. It was all my fault. What had I done? He hated me now. He should hate me now. It was my fault. All my fault.
The thoughts went round and round in my mind and my breathing became shallower until darkness descended, and I blacked out. I came toin Cooper’s room on a chair with my leg propped up. The doctors spoke over me and I began to hyperventilate again. Zane came over to me and took my hand. He spoke into my ear, trying to calm me but his words sounded like bees buzzing. I couldn’t make them out. In my panic, I was locked in my head and completely freaking out.
A nurse approached me with a paper bag and as she sat down the doctors all moved away from me. I caught a glimpse of Coop and he looked as though he was going to vomit. I spoke and the nurse just stared at me in concern, as the words “my fault, all my fault” came out of my mouth over and over. I didn’t respond to questions and the doctors spoke about me being in delayed shock. My mom looked at me and for the first time in the longest time, I could see the concern in her expression.
Eventually, I came out of it. They gave me a paper bag and made me breathe into the bag and watch it expand and then contract. I began to focus on that motion instead of the panic and began to calm down.
After a few minutes the doctors all left, my mom did too because she’d gotten a call and she really had to answer it, like always. As the door swung closed it was only Zane, Abbi, Cooper, and myself left in the room. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anyone, so I stared at Zane’s hand in my own. He had chipped nails and rough fingers and it made me wonder what he did all day. The tension rose again as we all sat in silence and my breathing started to speed. I tried counting backward in my head, but I couldn’t remember the numbers. I tried to say the alphabet, but after c my memory was gone.
After a few more minutes, I whispered to Zane, “Take me home, please. I can’t be here anymore.” I didn’t look at Cooper, but I knew my words had affected him because he called Zane over to him in a dead-sounding voice, whispering in his ear. Zane nodded and glanced back at me, where I was rocking backward and forwards trying to focus on the movement to keep me calm.
Zane moved towards me and leaned over me.
“I’ll just be a minute. I’m going to speak to your mom. Abbi, can you help me find Henrietta? I need to know what clothes Coop is wanting and I need you to call your parents to ask if you can stay here with him tonight.” My eyes tightened and my rocking got harder as they left the room. I didn’t want to be there alone, especially alone with Coop. Not when he was being so nasty and vicious to me. He’d finally broken me.
The next few minutes passed in silence as I continued to rock with my hands around my waist holding the pain inside as I ignored Coop and his occasional glances.
“Bailey,” Cooper’s soft voice called out to me and my stomach erupted in butterflies, but I couldn’t look at him anymore. I couldn’t bear to see the blame on his face aimed at me again. It burned me and as I thought about how he’d looked at me, my breathing began to elevate again. “Bailey, please?” His hoarse voice pleaded with me and tears stung my eyes.
I shook my head to let him know I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t face him. He’d hurt me so badly and I didn’t know how to let it go. “I…I’m…” he stuttered, and I could hear the tears in his voice. “I’m so sorry, Bailey. I know I shouldn’t have put it all on you…” The tears in my eyes rolled down my face and I rubbed at them with shaking fingers. “Please, Bails, just let me know you’re okay.”
I shook my head again and muttered, “Not okay.” It was all I could manage as I grabbed my crutches, opening the door, and hobbling my way into the hall. I glanced back as I left the room and his face was broken. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and he lifted his hand, holding it out to me. I paused in the doorway, leaning my crutches against my chest as I reached up and undid the necklace he’d given me.
Slowly and carefully, I made my way back into the room and dropped it on the bed next to his hand. “Bailey,” he whispered brokenly and I shook my head, turning away from him and heading for the doorway. “I love you,” he whispered as I closed the door on him and my whole body shook at hearing the words I’d dreamed of being spoken by him, but it was only words. And the way he’d acted proved to me that he didn’t love me, hell, he didn’t even like me.
Zane arrived back a moment later as I leaned on the door outside.
“Are you okay?” he asked me with concern, and I shook my head.
“Not really, can we leave?” He nodded and spoke softly to me.
“Just a minute, I need to see if Coop needs anything before we go.” I shrugged as he walked into the room and heard him shout in surprise. “Cooper, what the hell are you doing?” I peered around the door to see what was happening.
“I’m. Getting. Out. Of. Here.” Every word sounded like effort and agony, but he was determined and soon he’d pulled the drip out of his arm, covering the bed and Zane in blood. “Get. My. Doctor. I need to. Go. Home.” Zane walked out and glared at me, somehow thinking this was my fault.
“What the fuck happened? He asked to speak to you and now he’s refusing to stay in the hospital. What did you say to him?”
I shook my head and squared my shoulders. I’d done nothing wrong, so I refused to be intimidated by Zane.
“Nothing,” I hissed out. “I didn’t say a word to him.” Zane walked away and I heard a cry of pain from inside the room. I knew I had to go back in; I had to stop Cooper from leaving the hospital, but I didn’t think he’d listen to a word I said.