“What, Cate?” I asked her, annoyed as the beginning notes of my favorite show started and I glanced at her as she sat down beside me. I paused the TV and turned towards her.
“Sweetie, you need to talk to him, one way or another and I know this is complicated. I get it, I really do, but he’s hurting and you’re the only one who can help him. I know you’re hurting too, but maybe together you can help each other overcome all this.” I nodded but felt a little nauseous as I answered.
“Fine, tomorrow, okay? I’ll speak to him tomorrow.” She nodded at me and sat back watching the boys chase a demon down a side street.
After the show ended, I decided to go make a snack, but thought better of it when I passed Cooper as he came out of his room. He was on his cell and ignored me, but I wanted to speak to him. I tried to catch his attention, but he just kept on walking and disappeared down the stairs, so I turned around and hobbled back to bed.
The next morning Cate had an appointment with her OB-GYN, so she left early. Zane and my mom were working, and Shawn was going to rehab, so Lesley the cook was to check in on Cooper and me from time to time. We were both set up in the barely used family room. The décor was cream and pale blues. The sofa, a corner one that took up half of the space in the room, was a cobalt blue with cream cushions. The TV was mounted on the wall and there were photos of the boys scattered around on the walls.
There were two large bay windows, one with a view of the drive and front garden, and the other with a view of the trees that ran down the side of the house. The weather outside was wet and miserable as the wind howled loudly, battering on the side of the house. Before everyone left, my mom set us up with snacks, sandwiches, and sodas.
It was awkward as hell when Cooper came in, but he sat beside me, not saying a word. As the door closed and everyone left, I held the remote out to him. “You want?” He shook his head at me, his smile sad and full of pain. I turned away from him and began flicking through the TiVo, eventually settling on a show about a couple of vampires in the Deep South. The show had a lot of nakedness and sexual scenes which made me unable to look at Coop.
My heart hammered and my cheeks burned. The wind howled louder outside, and the lights flickered before everything went off, plunging the room into darkness and complete silence. I let out a noise and his fingers linked with mine.
“Relax, Bails, it’s just the weather.” I nodded and turned to look at him. He lit his cell on his lap and we sat for a moment staring at each other without speaking. My breathing sped as he lifted his hand and ran his fingers on his left hand through his hair.
Shaking my head, I turned away from him and when I tried to remove my fingers from his, he tightened his hold, almost cutting off the blood supply to my fingers.
“Bailey, please,” he breathed out. I glanced back at him expectantly, but the look he was giving me stole my breath, pinning me to the sofa.
“I miss you, and I know I messed up. I majorly screwed up, but goddamn it, please give me something.” I shrugged, fighting to hold all my emotions inside as my hand shook in his. “Bails, that day in the hospital when I saw how screwed up you were and how much my messed-up head had hurt you was one of the worst days of my life.” His words came out in a rush and the lights flickered again.
“Cooper, please? I can’t do this right now.” He nodded at me and leaned over, his breath hissing out as he put pressure on his cracked ribs. He met my eyes with a question in his and when I nodded, he brought his lips to mine. As he kissed me, he moved closer, so he was lying next to me on the leg of the sofa.
“Bailey.” He sighed, kissing my lips gently, then each of my cheeks. “I will never deserve you and after how I’ve acted towards you, I know you don’t want to give me a chance…” He paused, kissing my neck and then my earlobe. He sucked on it and then bit down gently. “But if we don’t try, we’ll spend every day of forever wondering if this was it for us. I wanna know if you’re it for me.” As he spoke, my heart rate increased as my breathing spiked again, and I had to open and close my palms to calm myself down.
He brought his lips back to mine and his tongue on my bottom lip made me open my mouth and let him in. As my tongue danced with his, my body thrummed with want, desire, and pleasure, but I needed more than stolen kisses and messed-up moments. I needed him to be a constant in my life and until he could be that for me, then I wouldn’t let him take us further.
“Cooper, stop. I can’t do this with you right now.” His brown eyes lifted as I pushed him away, and shock was prevalent in his look, along with hurt.
“Bailey, I don’t know what you need from me. What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you.” His voice shook as he spoke to me, and he stared away from me for a moment speaking to the wall. “I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight; I know how hard this is and how fucked up this situation is, but I can’t see a way out of it.”
A crashing sound outside made me jump, and he turned back to face me.
“Bailey, I am so sorry I fucked up; I fuck everything up.” His shoulders shook, and he tried to breathe deeply, but his face pinched in pain. I had to speak, seeing him in pain was unbearable to me.
“Coop, it’s not just you. This whole situation is a mess and I don’t know what to do. I think I’m falling for you too, but you hurt me so badly and I don’t know how to get over it, or even if I can get over it.” I moved my hands constantly as I spoke, and he put his hand over mine.
“Bailey,” he whispered, tears rolling freely, “it’s okay, I get it.”
I pressed my lips to his and his tears mixed with my own, he pulled back and leaned his forehead on mine. His eyes burned into me and it felt like my soul shuddered. I spoke softly, breathing the words out. “Can we just be friends? I want to be with you, but I need to know there is no one else for you. David and I are over; I’m texting him later today. I’m not being fair to him by wanting to be with you.” He pressed his lips to my nose.
“I broke up with Abbi yesterday. She was so jealous of you and she hates that we live together; plus, it’s not her I want. The only person I want is you.” My heart stuttered as his words, and he pressed his lips to my cheek, trailing across to my lips and as he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, I considered my next move. I couldn’t help the moan he elicited from me as he bit down gently and my whole body responded to his touch.
Suddenly the sound of a door banging against a wall had us spring apart as Zane walked in - or squelched in. His face was cut and bloody, but it was his eyes that bothered me. His irises weren’t visible, and the sight of them like that bothered me. They were too much like his dad’s eyes when he was violent.
“Don’t let me interrupt,” he spat at us and stormed away upstairs. Coop called after him as I shrunk back into the sofa.
“Hey, it’s okay, Bails.” I nodded as my face tightened in pain. This wouldn’t be easy. It would never be easy. Was it even worth it? I couldn’t figure out the answer, so I closed my eyes drifting off as I leaned my head back on the sofa.
“Bailey?” Coop’s soft voice crooned in my ear and my stomach somersaulted as I looked over at him and saw his lips lift in a small smile. “You need to take your meds, babe.” He handed me my meds and ran his finger delicately over my palm.