“Why not, Bailey? I got your letter. I thought you wanted me.” A breath left me as I remembered the letter inside his album and my cheeks burned at everything I’d poured into the letter.
It read,
Coop,
I wanted to make your birthday special, so here is my heart in a letter. I know everything’s complicated and we need to hide how we feel from our parents, but you make me feel so much. I am completely in love with you. I have been since I saw you in my old school before I knew who you were. Can we try to be together?
You have my heart.
Now and forever.
Yours,
Bailey
My heart hammered and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He stared at me and his face fell. “This was before, the letter?” he asked me in a small voice. I nodded with tears in my eyes. “You love me?” he asked as he stared at me and when I didn’t answer his eyes widened in horror. “You did love me, but I fucked everything up again, right?” he asked. He must have seen the answer in my eyes because he turned around and punched the wall, hard. I heard his knuckles crack, but I couldn’t move. Footsteps sounded on the stairs and Coop opened the door and took off, leaving me standing there with a crack in my heart as wide as the Grand Canyon.
The rest of the day passed in a daze of hurt, but the hospital was so much worse. When I arrived, Shawn and my mom took off for home. As I walked into the room, I saw Zane lying prone on the bed with tape over his mouth holding the breathing tube in place, and I heard the hiss, plop of the machine that was breathing for him. He had wires everywhere and his heart rate, oxygen levels, and blood pressure were constantly being monitored
I sat down and the nurse in the room smiled over at me. “I know it looks intimidating, honey, but you can touch him. Are you his girlfriend?” I shook my head as I stared at Zane; he’d rescued me. He didn’t deserve to be here. I reached over tentatively and touched his hand when the door behind me opened.
I’d assumed it was another nurse or a doctor, but when no one moved or spoke, I turned in my chair and saw Coop’s eyes widened in terror. He glanced between me and Zane, then shook his head and turned running from the room. I needed to go after him, but I didn’t want to leave Zane. I glanced at the nurse and she watched me with a sad smile.
“You should probably go after him, honey.” I nodded and rose from my chair, walking out into the hall and towards the exit.
I found Coop just outside the doors, and he was leaning over breathing hard. I stood beside him, not speaking.
“I can’t… Bailey…” His voice was broken and cracked on every word. “Please don’t make me go back in there.” He glanced up at me like a little boy lost and I thawed a little towards him.
“You need to go in there,” I spoke and rubbed his back slowly, “but I’ll be beside you the whole time.” He shook his head and stared at me.
“I can’t, I can’t go into hospital rooms like that; not after my mom.” His tears spilled over, and he leaned back over, hugging his knees. “Please, Bailey.” He leaned down and shrank to the floor.
“Coop,” I spoke gently to him, “Zane needs you right now and I get the fear you’re experiencing, but he needs you.” He nodded and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.
“This is the worst birthday I’ve ever had. First, I find out that I’ve lost the only girl I’ve ever loved, and now I have to visit my brother in the ICU.” He gave me a look as I held my hand out to him.
I needed to put my personal feelings aside. It was his brother in a hospital bed, and as much as I tried to tell myself that I didn’t love him after how he’d acted, I knew it was a lie. I was completely and hopelessly in love with him, but I didn’t know what that meant for us.
The way he’d hurt me passed through my mind as we walked along the sterile hall to the room Zane was in. His steps slowed and his breathing increased as we made our way closer. I dropped his hand and pulled his arm around my neck, putting mine around his waist and giving him a small squeeze.
Together we walked through the door and his steps faltered. “Come on, Coop, you can do it.” He stepped forwards with me and then kissed my head.
“I love you,” he whispered as he let me go and sat in my formally occupied seat. He reached over and squeezed his brother’s hand. I moved to step back to give him a semblance of privacy, and his other hand closed over my wrist.
He shook his head and pulled me towards him. The nurse looked between us, smiled, and grabbed me a seat from behind her station. She placed it beside Coop’s chair, and I sat down, linking my fingers with his. We sat like that for a while and I took in the pretty young nurse as she went about her business.
Her ebony hair was tied up but braided around her head like a crown and her skin had a gorgeous mocha color. She had a nice smile and an open friendly face with gorgeous blue eyes that were as clear as the sky on a nice day. Her name according to her badge was Carrie, and she asked if we needed anything as she left, and another nurse entered.
We both shook our heads and as they both left the room; Coop lifted my hand and kissed the back of my hand.
“Thank you for being here, Bailey,” he whispered against my hand before kissing it again, “I know I don’t deserve it; I don’t deserve your time or your support, but I’m so glad you’re here with me right now.” His lips caused gooseflesh to rise on my arms and tingles to shoot down into my stomach.
We spent the rest of our visit in silence, only speaking when my mom arrived. She took in our joined hands with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, but I just glared at her. She didn’t need to make us feel worse. Coop needed me, so I had given him what he’d required and as we were getting ready to leave, she spoke for the first time.
“Cooper, we know it’s your birthday, but under the circumstances, we don’t feel it would be right to celebrate. Your presents are at home along with a cake and some cash for you and Bailey to get takeout.” Coop nodded, and we both started for the door when my mom spoke again. “Bailey, one moment, please?”
Coop stepped through the door and I turned back to face my mom.
“What’s going on with you two?” she spoke without preamble and my eyes narrowed at her.
My voice came out sharp and frustrated. “Nothing, Mom, he needed me today.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me and when she spoke, her voice was like a whip being cracked. “Good. Keep it that way. Shawn’s on his way in, so you can go now.”
We drove home in separate cars, coop a little faster than me as I struggled to get a grip on my emotions. It rained the entire way back and as I drove slowly down the winding driveway, my heart hammered. The garage wouldn’t open, and I had no idea if Coop was in the garage, but since it wouldn’t open, I’d need to park on the drive and then run inside through the rain.
A knock at my window sounded and I turned in my seat, staring in the darkness but struggling to make out a face. The knock got louder and more insistent and I shuddered in fear. I took my belt off and opened my door. A hand grabbed me around the waist, making me squeal in fright, and pulled me close.
“Bails, hurry, we’re gonna get soaked. There’s something wrong with the garage door.” Coop held me as I jumped, and he laughed at me. He put his lips to my ear, kissing softly at the skin on the underside. The rain had seeped through my jacket, but I didn’t feel cold. If anything, my skin tingled and was warm.