Pierre was going to be my general manager and when the third week in October hit, I was ready to leave. My mom and Shawn had flown to Hawaii for Coop and Jan’s wedding, but I hadn’t spoken to them, any of them since the night I’d slept with Coop.
The stress of moving and opening my own gallery was making me nauseous and I didn’t need any more stress from anyone. Three days before Cooper was due to be married there was a knock at the door of my office.
“Come in,” I called out wearily and the door opened to reveal Cooper and Pete standing there.
“Bailey, hi,” Peter said, and Coop glanced around my office seeing my boxes all packed and ready for me to leave. I smiled at him woodenly and gestured for them to take a seat.
“Hi, what can I do for you?” Pete smiled as he sat down, but Coop stayed standing with his eyes darting around the room.
“As you know, this big lump is due to be married in three days, and we’re all flying out tonight, but Jack was supposed to be taking him to the airport tomorrow only he’s gone and broken his leg, the idiot. So, we were wondering if you could do it?” My eyes widened and I shared a horrified glance with Coop. He shook his head gently and I nodded at him.
“I’m sorry I can’t, I’m swamped. I’m moving to Paris on Monday and I haven’t finished packing.” Pete glanced between us and stood up, speaking into Coop’s ear. Coop turned and left the room, closing the door as he did.
“Truth is,” Pete said as the door closed, “he’s having cold feet, and he needs to know you’ll be okay with him getting married. He needs you to do this so he can move on from you and be happy.”
I sat back, shaking my head when Pete leaned closer.
“Come on, Bailey. Please? He has to let you go if you’re going to Paris. And you need to let him go if you want to be happy.”
I glared at him, but he was right so I nodded as tears stung my eyes, and he leaned over and kissed my cheek.
“I’ll tell him you’ll see him at ten a.m.” I waggled my head again, trying to speak and failing as the lump in my throat threatened to choke me. He stood and walked to the door, closing it softly behind him.
Fuck, why did I let myself get suckered into taking him to the airport? Maybe I could get Zane to take him instead, and I could just stay away from him.
The rest of my day passed in a blur and I threw up a few times over the day, plus my chest was killing me. I’d put on an old bra that morning and I wondered if I needed to go shopping for new ones because they were rubbing and hurting me. At seven-fifteen I was sitting working things out on my calendar when I noticed my period was late. I wasn’t just late; I was almost three weeks late.
Fuck, no, this couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t be pregnant by him, could I?
I rushed out of the office and went to the pharmacy down the road, picking up four pregnancy tests and ran back to the office. I took one after another and each one came back positive. I was pregnant and the only person I’d been with over the past few months was Coop. Holy shit.
The night passed in a blur and in the morning as I was getting ready, it took me ten minutes of putting my foot into my top before I realized what I was doing wrong. Another few minutes and I was finally dressed. I rushed out the door without coffee because the smell was making me nauseous and I didn’t want to be sick.
As I drove to the house, I considered telling him, but I couldn’t. He was getting married; he’d already made his choice, and I couldn’t do that to him.
I reached Shawn’s house and pressed the horn once. He was standing on the porch and as he came down to the car, putting his suitcase in the back seat, I got a good look at him, noticing he’d lost weight and his eyes were off, but I shook it off and began the drive to the airport.
We were both silent on the drive. I couldn’t speak to him. I didn’t know what to say. As he left the car, something fell out of his suitcase and I reached back and picked it up. It was the other half of my bear’s heart.
My eyes filled with tears as I held it and when he reached in, taking it out of my hands, he met my eyes and his pain shone through. I climbed out of the car and walked slowly to his side. As we stood side by side staring into the airport, I spoke in a low voice.
“Cooper,” I whispered, “don’t…” I swallowed as pain washed over me, before trying again, “Don’t do this. Don’t marry her.”
He shook his head, straightened up and muttered, his voice hoarse,
“I need to do this. I’m so sorry, Bailey, but I have to do this, for you and for me. Together we’re fucked up, and we bring out the worst in each other. You deserve the world and some guy who’s”—he sucked in a breath— “some guy is gonna give you the world and treat you like a queen. I’m only sorry that it’s not me. Your arms are the only place I’ve ever felt home, but I can’t be the guy who gives you everything.”
He stopped speaking, breathing harshly as he pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head before he whispered, “Goodbye, Bails.”
He dropped his arms, stepped back, and ran his finger over my cheek before he turned and walked away from me to enter the airport. I sucked in a breath, but I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He turned back once and the full extent of his pain showed as his face crumpled, but he shook his head, scrubbed at his eyes, and a moment later went inside.
I climbed into my car and drove home, locking myself in my room as I contemplated bringing up our baby alone. I could do it, I had money, and I was strong, so I would just have to find the will. I allowed myself a few hours to completely purge him from my system and then I called the airline, booking myself on an earlier flight.
I would do it alone. I would go and leave here and never look back. I didn’t need anyone to complete me and once our baby was here, I’d shower him or her with enough affection that it wouldn’t matter that their daddy didn’t know about them. That they didn’t know how much their mommy loved him because I’d have them, and they’d be all I’d need to make me happy. He might have been my home, but the tiny growing baby in my tummy was my future, and my home was with them now.
The baby was all I needed. Somehow, I’d be the mommy they deserved and teach my child that love is always okay. Who they chose to love would always be okay with me, and I’d never break my child’s heart because I didn’t accept their choices. It wasn’t fair to destroy their happiness and I’d move heaven or hell for my child to be happier than I had ever been growing up.
As I curled up in bed, I heard my cell chime and glanced at the message.
I didn’t know goodbyes could be so hard, but I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I’ve always loved you and I need you to do one thing before I delete this number. I need you to promise me one thing. Find someone who deserves you, who makes you smile and wants everything with you because you deserve it, Bailey Walker. I’ve loved you forever, but I need to let you go and let you fly free because I want you to be happy and all I do is make you miserable. Take care, my beautiful Bails.
Love always,
Coop
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t promise him that, but I could promise myself that I’d let him go, that I’d move on because I deserved that much. I had been holding on to him for so long, that I needed to stop and let those memories go. I drifted off with tears in my eyes and my bear clutched to my chest, as I finally let go of the past with Cooper. He was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. My acceptance lightened me enough that I began to look forward to the future, not back into the past and that was what I should have been doing all along.