He lays me down and pulls the covers over me. My eyes open enough to see my now familiar room. “Don’t leave.”
“I’ll stay. Let me just text Betsy, so she knows what’s going on.” He’s been keeping her in the loop all day. He always has her at the forefront of his mind, always so responsible with her. He comes back to the bed and kisses me. “I want to make sure Mallory gets to bed.”
I pull my pillow under my arm and nod. He’s my father’s closest friend but hasn’t taken a moment to mourn himself. He’s focused on keeping the women in his life safe and cared for.
A few moments later, as my mind drifts off, the bed dips behind me. I start to roll over, but Maverick wraps me in his arms, my back to his chest. I drift to sleep the moment I’m snug in his hold.
We wake up the next morning in a tangle of arms and legs. This is the second morning I woke with him as my pillow. When I sleep buried in his embrace, I try to get as close as possible. He radiates warmth, and it's such a new sensation—one I’m not ready to lose.
I’d fallen in love with Maverick at seventeen, and now at twenty-two, I realize I never found love again. I hadn’t had a steady boyfriend, and I never thought it was fair to someone else to try. So this, cuddling and waking up in someone’s embrace, is a new experience. One experience I’m not sure if I should get used to. With Dad gone, my time here should end.
“How are you feeling this morning?” I glance up from his chest and meet his tired eyes. His voice is low and raspy sounding in the morning. I note it’s something he’s kept only for me.
“I’m okay.” I climb up higher so I can kiss him. “Thank you for staying.” I lower my head and steal his mouth in a kiss. I wouldn’t be as together as I am right now without his steady presence. My mouth breaks away. “I know I can fall apart today and be okay because of you.”
He leans up and takes me with him. I’m sitting on his lap now, his hands buried in the strands of hair at the base of my neck. His hold is sure. His mouth is explorative and promises that he’s still right here with me.
I’m not sure how well I’ll handle today, but for now, I can forget because Maverick has me. Maverick braces his arm around my body while his other tugs gently on my hair, so I open my mouth. He takes advantage and slips inside. I need him, and I want less separating us, so I pull my nightgown over my head and toss it aside. When his hand comes back around, I moan at the feel of him so close.
Maverick breaks away. “Are you sure?” He watches my face, his hand resting on my cheek. I’ve never been so sure of anything as I am about this.
“I want you. I want to forget and just feel you.” He nods and pulls my mouth back to his. This time we are slow and quiet. His hands are everywhere as he gently turns us over. He keeps his arms beside my head, his body covering mine. I feel protected and secure, lost in this moment where nothing else can penetrate the safe bubble he’s created for us.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers. My hands set out to explore the expanse of his back that flexes as he lowers himself between my legs. He continues to whisper sweet words and praise as he moves inside me.
Everything else disappears for a moment. And sometimes a moment is all we need.
After our morning together, we crawl out of bed and search for Mallory. There are things I know we need to take over for her, but Maverick and Dad made sure most things were taken care of already. They were more than prepared for his passing. The ranch is now Maverick’s, and Dad’s home is all Mallory’s.
“I can make some breakfast,” I say when we locate Mallory. She’s sitting at the kitchen table, staring into a cup of black coffee.
Mallory glances up from her coffee. She always drinks it with creamer and sugar, but not today. Dad drank his black. “Of course. Thank you.”
Her gaze travels back to her cup. Maverick walks over and takes a spot at the table, adding creamer and sugar to her cup. He asks her some questions and discusses ranch business. She stares at that cup and nods occasionally.
I turn to the kitchen and try to make something edible for them.
There’s no rainfall or clouds in the sky this morning. The sun is high, and the rays soak into my skin, but they do not warm me. Everything around me is a haze. People I don’t know offer condolences. Whispers of the town’s people are loud, but the buzzing in my ears blocks their words out.
My mother’s arm wraps across my shoulder, her hand squeezing. She came up late last night. On my left is EmmaJean. She came with my mother, both making the trip for me. I stand across from Mallory, rather than beside her, to keep my mother away from her.
My father’s casket is a smooth and sleek brown in front of us. Different flowers adorn the top, and there’s a preacher somewhere giving a eulogy. I hadn’t known my heart was capable of this amount of heartbreak. Despite the years apart, there was a strong bond between us. I’ll regret the last five years of my life more than anything, but I have learned from those mistakes too.
If my father and my situation have taught me anything, it’s about forgiving rather than resenting. Resentment caused me to lose five years with the person I loved most in the world. And I did that because he fell in love? Life is full of things like falling out of love, falling in love, grief, happiness, difficulties… but it’s how you accept and deal with each new obstacle life throws at you.
The wind picks up, sending a cool breeze across my moist cheeks. I will not live in the past anymore. Never will I miss something so significant in my life. I won’t lose the time I have with people who mean so much to me.
Every one of my heartbeats is worth it—even the painful ones—because they string together who I am. It’s a special tune my heart beats for the life I’ve lived. Every step, every word, every moment has been worth it and has shaped the woman I’ve become.
My eyes find their way toward Maverick again. I’ve searched for him often today. He’s always at Mallory’s side. Her hand is always in the crook of his arm, and his shoulder is always nearby. His face seems calm, but his eyes are sad. They’re pained and rimmed in a slight red. He’s strong—holding himself together. His sister is nearby, her hand resting on his forearm.
I realize then, she’s his support. When I worried that Maverick was so busy caring for everyone else, that he was alone, I was wrong. Betsy is strong and sturdy for him. Despite being only fifteen, she too knows more heartbreak than anyone should, but she also knows about pushing everything else away to be strong for someone you love.
I want to give in to the pleading sense that overcomes me to be beside them instead of over here. My fingers grip my father’s hat tighter, my final piece of the man who raised me. The casket lowers into the ground as the service ends. I won’t stay long enough to see the upturned dirt cover him. EmmaJean turns us toward the car. It’s my current family moving me away from the new one I reunited with in Montana. I’m watching Mallory, Maverick, and Betsy over my shoulder. They’re huddled together as one. I want to be there.
“Wait,” I tell EmmaJean.
She looks back over my shoulder in the direction I’m searching. “Is that him?”
“That’s Maverick, isn’t it?” My mother asks, stepping into the conversation. When I tell her yes, she responds with a dismissive sound. I’ve kept her away from him today like I’ve done with Mallory. I don’t want her bringing up how much he broke my heart. “You’ve been talking to him again, haven’t you?”