When I walk back into the living room, I see all of them surrounding Shaw. Knowing how much he hates being the center of attention, I make sure to let him wallow in it and head for the kitchen. Serves him right and I do hope they force some involuntary hugs in there along with it.
I check the cabinets and decide what to make for dinner. I love screwing up dinner. That’s what you get when you love to cook but aren’t very good at it. There are only three things I can’t screw up; macaroni, lasagna, and cannelloni. All three I learned how to make from my nonna, Arianna, my maternal grandmother. All Italian recipes and since she made me cook these things over and over, it has become more of a routine.
But anything else? Burned, raw, or tasteless; I can’t ever get things right. Good thing I have enough money to either order in, go out, or have Pierre prepare dinner for me. Or live on only macaroni, lasagna, and cannelloni. But like I said, I love to cook, even if I suck at it.
“I’d like some coffee if you’re making some,” Maci says as she strolls into the kitchen.
“Same,” Tracy says, followed by Maud and Adley.
“Did the men push all the old ladies into the kitchen?” I question, because seriously, we’re all huddled in one place and Wicked Throttle MC doesn’t have any other old ladies, other than the women standing in my kitchen.
“Beecher did,” Tracy says over her shoulder as she opens the cabinet and takes out a few coffee cups. “I think his brain suffered some of the bullet impact since he seems mentally imbalanced.” Her voice lowers and she tries to mimic Shaw’s voice when she says, “Go check on her. No, wait, don’t. But maybe you should. I’m an asshole. I need to leave. I have to stay. Just go fucking check will you?”
Maci snorts a laugh. “That was a pretty damn good impersonation.”
Maud nods and tries to keep her laughter at bay while Adley is just grinning and shaking her head. The sound of my fancy coffee machine fills the air and within a few minutes steaming cups of coffee are placed in front of us.
“So,” Maci starts. “Are you keeping him here or kicking him out the door?”
The corner of my mouth twitches. “You make him sound like a stray dog.”
Maci shrugs and leans back to sip her coffee.
“To be completely honest, I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
I let my gaze travel over all the women’s faces. There is no judgement or irritation; only understanding and support. Before Shaw slammed back into my life, I only knew work. Work and if I became too stressed or too anxious, I turned to BDSM to take the edge off; to make me feel as if I’m back in control.
But one day I received a threat from Hoffa and it flipped my life around, bringing Shaw back to me. The first time I met him I had just turned seventeen. Our eyes locked and we kissed on the spot. I’m not a sucker for love stories or the whole ‘love at first sight’ thing but I can guarantee you it exists since it’s exactly what happened between me and Shaw.
Butterflies partying in your belly. Each breath you take you want to mingle with his. And when your lips touch it lights up your life.
Downside to all these happy vibes? It hits hard when you’ve been ripped apart and forced to endure the visual of seeing the one you loved being tortured in front of your eyes. How another woman forced herself on your man, touching him everywhere. And he has to sit there, tied up, and endure all of it.
For him to see another man putting his hands on me. Being forced to kill. Forced to box up feelings and don’t know where to start to open up and realize you’re still alive because you survived. We survived together. And yet we didn’t because our memories of being together are tainted by blood, pain, and horrific trauma…changing everything forever.
“Valentina,” Maud’s soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts and into the present.
My mind rewinds and jumping back into the discussion I blurt, “He can stay or leave. It’s not up to me, the decision is his to make.”
“Good,” Shaw says from right behind me, making me jump and almost spill my coffee, which he takes out of my hands.
“Stop stealing my coffee,” I grumble.
He shoots me a grin that makes my belly flop. “Then start making me some so I don’t have to steal it.” He takes a sip and grimaces. “Where the fuck is the sugar or caramel?”
He goes off to rummage through my cabinets. Shaw finds the caramel and puts in two pumps all under the watchful eyes of my friends. His friends. Friends who have become mine too and they all have weird looks on their faces when Shaw hands me back my coffee after he has taken a few sips.
I don’t know what to do, other than take a few sips too and dammit, that does taste nice. My eyes close and I release a deep breath, relishing in the sweet taste hitting my tongue. When I open my eyes I’m staring into Shaw’s hungry ones and it makes me swallow hard.
I step aside and place the cup on the counter. “Feel free to make yourself at home. I have work to do.” I spin on my heels and head for my office, shamelessly running away.
When the door closes behind me, I feel like I can breathe again. Damn this man and the emotions he’s awakening inside me. Emotions I managed to bury deep over the past few years. I stalk to the window and glance outside. I bought this large mansion for this view. Especially the insane amount of land I’m staring at right now.
I took my time with landscaping and turned it into a sanctuary; a place I can endlessly stroll around in, as well as just stand and stare at. Not just the normal landscaping either since I also added some crazy items to spice things up.
I hear the door fall into the lock and it makes me spin around. “What are you doing here, Shaw? You need to rest, talk to your friends, whatever.”
“I sent them home.” He comes to a stop next to me and stares out of the window. “Is that a zip line?”
“Yes.” I smile thinking back at the reactions of the guys I hired to create all of it.
“You always were the one with the weirdest ideas. Can I ask you something?”
Without looking at him I nod.
“Why no murals in this place? It’s what you loved to do. That day in your office building, when we met for the first time after years…I know the one I saw on the ceiling was made by your hand. While there is nothing but white walls surrounding you here.” He sighs and adds on a tortured whisper, “It’s very unlike you, and it bugs the shit out of me.”
It’s scary how he still knows some major things about me, though I changed a lot.
“There’s a big one in the gazebo. I changed it twice but I’m content with the one in there now.” There’s a smile in my voice as I picture the image in my head.
“Let me guess, a sea of lily of the valley along with a palomino horse, full speed at sundown.”
My head swings his way and my heart picks up speed. “How did you know? Did you? No, you can’t have seen it. How?”
The invincible grin on his face is making my knees weak. He reaches out to let his knuckles slide against my cheek but he drops his hand before making contact.
“You loved that horse. Loved sunrise, but riding at sundown used to be one of your favorite things. Drawing lily of the valley is something you always doodle to set your mind at ease. One. Or a sea filled with them. It’s your happy place and the fucking smile on your face wasn’t hard to read to see you picture all the things you love.”