A new feeling for me, definitely.
“You’re probably right,” I agreed with her as my hands on her sides slid downward, my fingertips grazing her skin just above the waistline of her jeans. Her skin was on fire, searing to the touch. “But…” I trailed off, for there were so many things I could’ve said right then, so many things I both wanted and did not want to say.
Me, caught between what I wanted and what I knew would happen in six months. This was just a game, just a temporary respite from my future. Whatever strange feelings this girl elicited from me would never last. It couldn’t.
Jaz’s voice caught on the word, “But?” Begging me to finish, begging me to say more.
I didn’t know what to say. This was stupid, and yet I could not fight the pitter-patter of that box in my chest, my heart that had never beaten for anyone else before. What was it about her? Why was I drawn in like a moth to the flame? In that analogy, I should be the flame, not her. I was the destructive force of nature, not her. She was beauty incarnate, not death. She wasn’t like me.
She’d never be like me.
That thought alone almost made me push her away—both figuratively and literally. The fact that she would never be like me meant we couldn’t last, but wasn’t that the thing about life? Nothing lasted. Nothing was forever. Eternal was merely a word in the dictionary people used occasionally, not truly knowing its full definition. Nothing, not even love, was eternal.
I said nothing, because I had no idea how to voice the feelings inside of me, how to tell Jaz without sounding too over-the-top about how frantic my thoughts were. The only thing I could do was hold her body close to mine, lose myself in the way she stared at me, how her hands gripped my biceps, and drown myself in everything she was.
We wouldn’t talk about my family. We wouldn’t talk about Oliver Fitzpatrick or her fears of Midpark. We wouldn’t talk about anything.
I took a step forward, my hands gripping her bare sides under her shirt, forcing her to step back. I stopped us only when I had her against the wall, and I brought my hands to her neck, holding onto her perhaps a bit too roughly.
She was strong. She could take it.
She had to.
My hands moved up to cup her jaw, my thumbs lightly running over the edge of her mouth, her lips softer than I ever could’ve imagined. I pressed my hips against hers, the heat inside my lower gut only growing when she let out a shaky breath.
I really shouldn’t want to kiss her, but I did. I did, more than anything.
I was slow to lower my head to hers, leaning my forehead against hers. Our noses brushed, both our breaths catching the moment our lips came together.
Hmm. I wasn’t sure what a kiss should be like, mostly because I didn’t have much to compare it to, but…with her, I was pretty sure I liked it.
Her mouth molded against mine, the softness of her lips drowning out my racing heart. She let out a soft moan into my throat, and I peered at her through slit eyes, afraid that if I closed them, things wouldn’t be the same.
Her eyes, I noticed, were shut. Jaz was giving her all to the kiss, her all to me. It was an invigorating rush, having her give in and give up to the feelings she surely had. Having her body pinned between mine and the wall gave my body ideas it never had before.
I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything. I craved this girl like an addict, and I had no idea why. Hell, even if I could’ve stopped myself from feeling the way I did, I wasn’t sure I would want to. The high I rode right now wasn’t like any other feeling I’d ever had, her warmth flooding me like no other sensation.
Feeling her lips against mine, the slow kiss steadily giving way to something harder, rougher, hungrier, I knew it would be hard to give this one up. And, as foolish as it made me, a part of me didn’t want to. I wanted to keep her. Lock her away from the world, shield her from the rest of the liars and the beasts, and have her all to myself. Was that wrong?
By the time our lips parted, we were both panting for breath. My body was hard in places it shouldn’t be, and I knew she had to feel it; my hips dug against her, the main force pinning her back. Jaz had to know how wild she drove me.
Why couldn’t she let it go? Forget about my family. We could spend the rest of the year doing just this—losing ourselves in each other, giving in to instinct and passion. Never thought I’d be one to think something like that, but life had a way of throwing curveballs. Jaz was the curviest of curveballs there ever was.
We must’ve spent more time than I thought lost in each other, because before Jaz or I could even speak, the bells in the hall rang, signaling the end of lunch.
Her tanned cheeks were more flushed than they were before, her breathing still ragged. Once she heard the bell, she came to her senses and pushed me off her. I could’ve stopped her, could’ve held her back, but I let her go, knowing she had thinking to do. I had to do the same.
That one…I had the feeling I’d never truly get her out of my head.
I watched as Jaz unlocked the door, threw a look over her shoulder, and slipped out. She said not a word to me, but that was fine, because I wasn’t quite sure I could have a conversation right now, not with my body still heated up, not with my heart beating a mile a minute in my chest, as if it threatened to escape. Not while I had a hard dick pressing against the fabric of my jeans.
Somehow, someway, things had grown immensely more complicated the moment Jazmine Smith walked through these halls. Midpark, I knew, would never be the same.
Chapter Sixteen – Jaz
Later that night, I pretty much locked myself in my room. My mind was aflutter, my thoughts racing like the best Olympic sprinter. I couldn’t get them under control, couldn’t force them to simmer down and shut the fuck up.
I kissed Vaughn.
Or, technically, Vaughn cornered me in the bathroom and kissed me first, thereby making me kiss him back.
I still didn’t know how it happened. I would never have pegged him for the type of guy who’d corner any girl in a bathroom and pin her against the wall. Not that I was complaining, because if I was honest, his lips tasted sweeter than honey and better than I’d expected—not that I thought about his lips a lot before that moment. I didn’t.
Did I?
Oh, God. It was almost impossibly hard to keep myself under control here. Who knew Midpark would come with an overabundance of guys who just wanted me? Not that I was patting myself on the back or anything, but still. Archer was done with his self-imposed pity party of jealousy, and Vaughn wanted me. It was crazy.
And then, as I sat on the floor in front of my bed, I wondered if Vaughn really wanted me, or if he just wanted to get my mind off his family. There were worse distraction methods out there, frankly, but if that was the case, I’d be pissed. I was not above hitting Vaughn where it hurt.
I shook my head, not wanting to think about either of them, instead turning my thoughts to Jacob Hall, the PI I was going to hire, assuming the money I stuffed in my backpack earlier was still here.
After unzipping the front compartment, I found that it was. I’d locked my door, so it wasn’t like Mom could waltz in at any moment and see me handling a huge wad of cash, but for whatever reason, I was still unsettled as I tore off the white paper wrapped around the stack and started to count.