Reluctantly, I get up to close the window, then turn the bed back toward the television, which drones on 24/7.
Ember continues the maddening, lifeless stare. I fear it’s contagious and that I’m starting to look the same way.
I feel invisible. A ghost trapped in the same solitary limbo as my wife, except fate has shoved a massive invisible wall between us.
I fix the blankets—which are ours from home—kiss my wife softly on the lips, and grab yesterday’s flowers on my way out the door.
Tomorrow, I’ll do it all over again.
Chapter Two
Most people think because I’m the lead singer of a popular rock band that I live a never-ending life of parties, exotic places, and women.
They’re surprised to find out I don’t party at all. Not with substances and not with women. I travel with the band to other countries, but it’s not anything close to a vacation.
I’m a homebody.
All I’ve ever wanted to do when I’m not working is spend time with my family and friends and write new songs.
And rest, because no matter what, I never seem to get enough sleep.
Years ago, Ember and I started a tradition of inviting our friends and family over to our place every other Friday night during the warm months. We grilled food out on the back deck and sat around the bonfire eating and talking. Usually myself or someone else ended up singing and playing acoustic guitar.
My best friend, Toren, always comes over with food and drinks, and my daughter, Kenzi, helps him set it all up.
As I sit in a lawn chair in my backyard, watching this ritual taking place around me, I almost laugh at how things are so much the same and yet so incredibly different.
Ember used to always be right with me at these get-togethers—holding my hand or sitting on my lap. We’d sing duets together around the fire, like we did on stage before she started her own band.
My brothers, cousins, and friends were all single back when we started these get-togethers, and they’d mostly come to drink and try to hook up with a friend that someone else brought with them. But over the past few years, they’ve each met someone and settled down.
I wonder if they know how lucky they are.
I hope they do.
I remember sitting in this very chair I’m sitting in right now and seeing Kenzi perched at the edge of the pool with Tor, dangling their feet in the water and talking for hours.
Watching them do that exact same thing right now, I can’t help but wonder if Ember had been here, would she have noticed that our best friend and our daughter were in their own little world where their cute, innocent friendship was slowly turning into something much, much more over the years?
The scene right now is the same as it was when Kenzi was ten, twelve, fourteen, seventeen, and all the ages between.
The relationship isn’t.
A little over a year ago, I walked her down the aisle and put her hand in his.
I watched my twenty-year-old daughter marry my thirty-five-year-old best friend.
Yeah, it’s the stuff of every father’s nightmares. I went through all the stages of rage and blame. Twice. I sat at Ember’s bedside and cried for days, begging her to wake the hell up and help me do the right thing. Kenzi needed her mother, and I needed my wife. Then and now.
When my meltdown didn’t wake her up, it was hard to hold on to the belief that anything else in this world ever could or would. That left me without my wife, facing the possibility of losing my daughter and my lifelong best friend forever if I couldn’t see past their ages, the disbelief, and betrayal.
Living without two more of the people I love most in this world wasn’t something I could handle. There’s only so much loss and heartache a person can take. I’d reached my limit.
After some major soul searching and talking for hours to my gram, I realized Tor and Kenzi had reached their limit too. Like me, they also lost Ember. They were just as lonely as I was, and they found comfort, love, and a crazy connection in each other that even I couldn’t deny was clear as day, right in front of me.
I could damn them, forbid them, and lose them both.
Or I could accept that they fell in love and there wasn’t anything devious or wrong about it.
It just happened.
A year ago, I would’ve turned away when Tor pulled Kenzi into his arms and kissed her. I would’ve heavily debated punching his face and sending her to her room—no matter how old she was. Now, I’m grateful to see how happy they are together. How they take care of each other. It’s the kind of love Ember and I shared.
“Mind if I sit?”
I glance up at Sydni, who doesn’t wait for my answer as she pours herself into the lawn chair next to mine. She crosses her long legs and bobs her bare foot up and down. Her toenails are painted the same apple red as her hair, but the nail polish does nothing to hide how filthy the sole of her foot is.
I don’t like feet. Especially dirty feet.
“You already are sitting.” I hope she doesn’t put her gross feet in my pool later.
“Do you need a drink? Something to eat?” she asks.
“I’m good, but thanks.”
“You look deep in thought.”
I nod and fish a small pack of CBD gummy bears out of my shirt pocket. I pick out a blue one and pop it into my mouth. My doctor suggested they might help calm my nerves. I’m still on the fence.
“Always,” I say.
“This weekend is when they start the new treatment on Ember?”
Something tells me my little bear isn’t going to help me with this conversation.
I nod. “Yup.”
“And then what?” she prods. “Does something happen right away? Or in a few days? Weeks?”
“It varies from patient to patient. All we can do is wait and hope. They’ll monitor her vitals, watch for changes. Or body movements.”
“So, she’ll just like wake up?”
I gnaw ferociously on my gummy bear. “It won’t be instantaneous, Syd. Not like in the movies. It’s a slow process.”
“I really hope this works. It would be amazing to have her back. I think I’d lose my mind if I could actually talk to her again. It’ll be wild. Wait ’til she finds out about Kenzi and Tor! Can you imag—”
“Sydni, don’t.” I shake my head. “That subject is off-limits. With me and with Ember.”
She shifts in her chair and glares over at Kenzi and Tor sitting by the pool. “Okay, fine... I keep forgetting I’m not allowed to talk about them.” Bitterness spikes through her words.
I have a real love-hate relationship with Sydni, but she’s all tangled up in my life, so as much as she annoys me sometimes, I can’t just cut ties with her. She’s been best friends with Ember since high school, and she and Toren dated on and off for almost twelve years, thus making her one of my friends too. As if that isn’t enough, she’s one of Ember’s bandmates, and she’s played in my band a few times.
Sydni’s just not an easy pill to swallow. She has no filter. She goes after whatever she wants, not caring who or what she bulldozes in her path. Usually that was Toren, until he shut her down for good. Let’s say Sydni wasn’t at all happy to find out she’d lost one of her favorite playthings to an eighteen-year-old girl.