“What are you doing, Scar?” he asked in exasperation through the door.
I squeezed my eyes shut while leaning against the wood and staring at the large walk-in shower.
“I’m going to get cleaned up.” My voice was surprisingly casual considering everything that had just happened. Maybe if I continued to pretend to be just another one of his random conquests, I could get through this without jealousy eating away at me. I always thought that after my first time, he would take care of me afterwards. I should have known that I would end up taking care of myself. That was the common theme with them, wasn’t it? They teased me with a lasting friendship and then left me to deal with my life crashing down around me.
When I walked to the shower and turned on the water, I heard the lock on the door click, and I knew he’d unlocked it from the other side. I didn’t turn to check, though. Instead, I stripped from my shirt, not even looking back when I heard the door swing open and Rogue enter the bathroom. I stared at the water flowing from the spout and felt his eyes on my back.
The steam from the shower quickly filled the small space as I tossed my clothes in the trash. I didn’t want to look at them and be reminded of how screwed up I was. “I brought you some clothes,” Rogue said before tossing a pile of sweats on the counter.
“Thanks.”
“Need anything?”
“Nope.”
I stepped under the water and slid the glass door shut before listening for signs that he had left. I could have easily looked to see, but I didn’t dare turn my gaze on him. I couldn’t handle seeing those angry eyes staring back at me. I couldn’t handle knowing that I’d never be more than a fuck. I lathered the soap in my palm and ran it over my body, washing myself again and again until the scalding water turned icy cold. And still, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to wash away how much I wanted Rogue Kelly, but it didn’t work like that. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t stop hoping that all the Heirs would care about me again.
Finally, I cut off the water and got out of the shower. It surprised me when I found that Rogue was still there, his face expressionless. He was sitting on top of the granite counter, his back against the mirrored glass and one knee propped up with his arm braced on top of it. He was damp from the steam, his hair darker than usual and his shirt sticking to his skin.
He could have spoken up at any time. I wasn’t sure why he just quietly waited for me to come out. I wanted to pry apart his skull and figure out what his fucked up thoughts are. But most of all, I wanted to know where I stood with him. He handed me a towel, and when I wrapped it around my body, his brown eyes stared intently at my neck.
“What?” I asked, before twisting to look. I walked forward and swiped my hand across the mirror then stared at my reflection. I didn’t look any different. Aside from the ache between my legs, nothing outwardly showed that Rogue Kelly had destroyed me in the best way. But then I saw what he was looking at—the small bruise in the shape of his teeth on my neck. I touched it, feeling like an Heir Chaser who had been marked.
“You don’t have to just sit here. I know the drill,” I snapped, dropping my hand.
“What drill?”
“You know. Y’all like to fuck ‘em and leave ‘em. I’m not under the delusion that things have magically changed between us, Rogue. I’m still trash right? Just another Heir Chaser? I can see it on your face.” I didn’t want his pity. I wasn’t no damn martyr. I knew the score, I knew Rogue.
I picked up some mouthwash on the counter and guzzled it, swirling the minty flavor in my mouth before spitting it out in the sink. “You got me. You proved I was lying about Clay. I’m just another conquest to you, right? You took my virginity on your fucking staircase. I’m sure Bonham will love to spread that rumor. Now please don’t skip the whole song and dance about reminding me how I mean nothing to you. I already know. I’d rather just accept it on my own terms.”
Rogue opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again before any words escaped. I could see the internal war on his face, but I didn’t care what he was keeping from me right now. At this rate, I’d be lucky to survive with my heart still in tact.
“Leave. Please? Just leave like you always do,” I replied, as sudden tears filled my eyes. It shocked me as much as it shocked him.
“Scar. It’s not… it’s not like that,” he said.
I snorted. “It’s not like what? I know I’m not special to you. I know this changes nothing. So please just don’t say anything. You should have let me go to Switzerland,” I said bitterly. “Why couldn’t you have just let me leave?” My tears were freely forming now, spilling from my red rimmed eyes as I reached for the clothes he’d brought me. Of course he’d give me one of his shirts. I bet it smelled like him. I’d never be able to ride in my car again without thinking about him. Never smell cognac without remembering how our breaths mixed. With a flash, I remembered the crown tattoo on his chest, but I shoved it away. I couldn’t keep tormenting myself.
Rogue grabbed my wrist in a half-hearted attempt at pulling me closer, just as I heard his bedroom door open. Godfrey’s voice greeted us. “Rogue? You here, man? Did you take out the trash?”
I flinched like I’d just been slapped. More tears fell from my eyes. I wanted to be done crying for them. For him.
Rogue jumped off the counter and pushed me against the wall. He held his hand over my mouth while gazing adoringly into my eyes. “Please. Don’t...just don’t give up on me yet. I need to hate you for just a little while longer.”
I dipped my brow in confusion. What the fuck did that mean?
“Please?” He pleaded again. “I have to hate you because it’s easier than losing you. I can’t let you leave,” he finally whispered before removing his hand from my lips.
Then, he crashed his mouth to mine, knitting us together with his tongue while pulling at my towel with his calloused hands. His kiss felt desperate but loving, and it shocked the hell out of me. He held me like the world was going to explode right there in that bathroom and all he had left were a few stolen kisses to save him. I burst into an inferno of longing and heat. Letting my towel drop, I jumped up, wrapping my strong legs around his waist as he pushed me against the wall. I clutched his shirt and panted agaist his mouth.
He tasted like cognac and hope, and all I wanted was to drown in him.
“Rogue, quit jacking off and get out here,” Luis's voice yelled, and I somehow heard the sound of footsteps getting closer over my roaring pulse.
“One minute,” he grunted out before slamming his lips to mine one last time.
Our teeth clashed in a painful fight for one another. I didn’t know if I’d ever get this again, so I was selfish with his touch, claiming every last drop. If this was him kissing me goodbye, I wanted to savor every second.
And then, he ripped himself away from me and set me back on the floor. He didn’t look at me. He didn't say a word. Rogue just exited the bathroom and never looked back.
Daddy was searching his office when I finally got home that evening. It was a Monday, which meant that Mama had a meeting with the PTA and would probably go out for cocktails with her Bridge team afterwards. Daddy and I just sort of turned it into our unofficial visitation for the week. We usually ordered pizza and talked about nothing. He wasn’t a good guy—not by any stretch of the imagination. I was pretty sure I had two half siblings in Florida that lived in a “vacation home” we never actually got to vacation in. But he was my dad and another person in my life I had to lower my expectations for. Bonham once teased that I had Daddy issues. Maybe he was right.