I sighed. I supposed the song was the least of my problems right now.
Throwing my hood over my head, I picked up the pace so no one else would recognize me. After all, I had Luca’s letter in my hands and couldn’t get back to my car fast enough.
Ripping the envelope open, I eagerly began to read it.
Dear Griffin,
I’ve officially burned out three Furbys. It’s a good thing you got me so many, even if your eBay account was sacrificed in the process. I’m sorry about that, but it did make me laugh out loud for some reason when you told me it got shut down. Seriously, thank you for that surprise gift. I don’t think I smiled or laughed in years like I did when I opened it. And yes, I’m serious when I said I burned three of them out already. (Whoops.) I thought of you every second, by the way. ;-) I considered sending you a video to prove how much I appreciate your gift, but I thought that might freak you out. Would you want something like that from me? A video? That, of course, would require us to exchange numbers/e-mails. And that also could lead to—GASP—talking on the phone. And talking on the phone could lead to—GASP—seeing each other. And seeing each other could lead to . . . well, you get the point. I know you said you like the dynamic we have going right now and the mystery of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what we have. But I don’t know . . . don’t you sometimes want more?
I had to stop reading the letter for a moment.
Shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
A feeling of dread filled me. Not to mention, I was hard as a rock. Strange combo. I knew where this was going, and it was messing me up inside. I took a deep breath in and continued.
I’m sorry if I’m crossing a line in even bringing this up. But it’s been weighing heavily on me lately. I really would love for what we have to be about more than just the letters. I’m crazy about you. There, I said it. Feel free to pretend I didn’t. I’ll just take your lack of acknowledgment as a hint to not bring any of this up again. (Who’s the one installing the security cameras now, huh?)
Okay, now that I have gotten all that off my chest, I’ll answer your questions. You wanted to know if I am a screamer or a moaner. Both, actually—but mostly when I am pleasuring myself, because that’s when I am most comfortable and not worrying about what others think. I also live in a very secluded spot, so no one except Hortencia is going to hear me scream. That works out if you want some privacy, but it’s not exactly convenient if you’re being ax murdered or attacked by a grizzly bear.
In answer to your other question, I’ve actually never done it in a public place, but I think if I did, it would be in California. ;-) By the way, that’s the second winky face I’ve drawn in this letter, and I’m starting to creep myself out a little. No more winky faces.
Please tell me I haven’t scared you off with my video suggestion above.
Your favorite pen pal,
Luca
P.S. Do you prefer shaved, runway strip, or full carpet? Asking for a friend.
P.P.S. That friend might be named Luca.
I let out a deep breath and rested my head on the seat. Fuuuuck. What now?
My spying on her was goddamn unfair. I couldn’t seem to go on without seeing her, and yet I wasn’t even affording her the same opportunity with me? What I’d done felt like stealing.
I have to tell her the truth.
But when she found out who I was, it was going to ruin what we had. I lived for her letters, for her nonjudgment. Luca was literally the only person left in this world who truly saw me for me. The thought of that ever changing . . . well, I couldn’t fathom it. At the same time, now that I’d seen her, I wanted nothing more than to smell her, taste her, be with her in the flesh. Although it was never about the physical with us, I couldn’t exactly just forget her image now. Luca, Luca, Luca. What am I going to do with you? I needed just a bit more time to figure it all out.
It took me a few days to decide how I wanted to respond to her.
After returning from the studio one afternoon, I bit the bullet and ultimately attempted to buy myself a bit more time.
Dear Luca,
If this letter arrives a little later than the others . . . it’s because I’ve been locked in my room for days wanking off to thoughts of this little porn video you’d like to send me. Which begs the question: Are you trying to kill me? There are other ways to kill people besides axes and grizzly bears, you know. Proposing such a thing when I can’t exactly touch you would be one of them. Pretty sure that’s a crime of torture. I’m glad you’ve been putting the Furbys to good use, even if three were sacrificed in the process. They clearly weren’t designed for long-term usage.
I’m definitely skirting around the issue, aren’t I?
Okay.
Here goes.
One of the things that has always defined our relationship, I think, is blind faith. Would you agree? Do you have blind faith in me? I can honestly say I have blind faith in you. Even though we haven’t met, I trust you with my life. I don’t think I can say that about anyone else on this earth. So, that said, I need to ask you a favor. I need you to trust me when I say that the best thing for right now is for us to continue things as we have been. You’re very special to me, Luca. And I want to be able to be the right man for you. I’m sad to say that currently I’m not. Sometimes when you follow your dreams, you realize they aren’t free, and the cost is far greater than you’d ever anticipated.
But I’m trying to figure out how to change things, sooner rather than later. I do desperately want to meet you, touch you, and do many other things with you (and to you). When the time is right to take the next step, I promise to let you know. And I hope it will all make sense.
Can you do that for me? Can you put blind faith in me on this? Don’t answer that question now. Take time to think about it. Think about ME and ask yourself if you really believe that I would ever intentionally hurt you or steer you wrong.
On to another pressing matter, specifically your vagina and my preferences as far as it’s concerned. Believe me when I tell you that I will take you any way you give yourself to me, whether bald or hairier than the aforementioned grizzly bear. I will love every second of going down on you and giving you the best orgasm of your life, better than any Furby ever could. I dream about it every day, Luca.
Later, gator,
Griff
P.S. Do you prefer Cavalier or Roundhead? (Uncut or other.) Asking for a friend.
P.P.S. That friend might be named Mee-Mee.
CHAPTER 9
LUCA
Doc was seriously nuts. He’d parked the RV at his house and basically told me it was ready to go anytime I decided to take him up on his offer to drive us to California. The damn thing was bigger than his actual residence.
He would have taken off with me the day he’d first brought it to my house if I’d agreed. I told him I really needed some time to think about it.
A part of me wanted to take him up on his crazy idea, but actually moving forward would mean having to face the potential of finding something out I really didn’t want to know. Griffin was hiding something. That I was certain of. The realization hurt. His most recent letter had asked me to have blind faith in him, but how could you do that when someone has given you every reason to suspect something is awry? A battle was waging inside me as to how to handle things moving forward.