My head fell back against the headrest, and I shut my eyes. Jesus Christ, the vision of Luca touching herself made me fucking nuts. For a quick second, I thought about unzipping my pants and rubbing one out right here in the car. But the last thing I needed was to get arrested jerking off in front of the recording studio. Or worse, a fan to come by and video me while I whacked off—that shit would go viral in a heartbeat. My jeans were getting snug. I needed to remember not to read Luca’s letters anywhere but in the privacy of my house in the future.
I took a few deep, cleansing breaths and opened my eyes. There was no way I could drive at the moment, so I figured I might as well enjoy myself and finish the letter for the sixth damn time.
Oddly, the paragraph I just wrote wasn’t the one that I debated on writing. The next one is . . .
I never told you, but I have a secret nickname for you: Mee-Mee. The story behind it is pretty embarrassing. But screw it . . . here goes nothing. I was almost thirteen when you sent me your one and only photo. I spent a good deal of time looking at it. In case you weren’t aware, you were really, really handsome. I had a big crush on you to begin with—and that was before you’d sent that picture. But once I got a look at how gorgeous you were—it took things to a new level for me. Remember, I was a teenager with raging hormones. Anyway, one night I was lying in my bed staring at the photo you’d sent when I slipped my hand into my panties for the very first time. It felt so good, but I didn’t own a vibrator yet, obviously, and I needed more stimulation. So I had to improvise. This is the part that gets embarrassing. Do you remember those little Furby key chains? The vibrating ones that McDonald’s gave out in their Happy Meals years ago? I’m sure you can see where this story is headed now. Anyway . . . I had a few of one little Furby in particular. Yep, you guessed it . . . his name was Mee-Mee.
Well, I got the bright idea to give Mee-Mee a try inside my underwear. I held him against my privates and let the vibration stimulate my clit. I’m pretty sure I had no idea what I was doing—but boy did I hit the jackpot. That night I had my first orgasm ever—one hand holding your photo up to look at and the other pressing Mee-Mee against my body. So basically you were a big part of my first orgasm.
Was that TMI? I hope not. By the way, my dad never did figure out why I’d suddenly become obsessed with going to McDonald’s. Needless to say, Happy Meals made me pretty damn happy for a while after that.
Incidentally, I suddenly crave some chicken nuggets, apple slices, and a milk box. How about you? ;)
Okay, last question—oral sex. Yes, I’ve both given and received. While it was pleasant on the receiving end, it didn’t end with an orgasm. Maybe the guy wasn’t that good at it? I’m not sure. But I can tell you, I studied for my first giving event—did you know there is a whole For Dummies porn series? Blowjobs for Dummies cost me $29.99 for the fifteen-minute video. But I’ve been told it was a very good investment.
Think I answered all your questions. My turn!
Tell me your darkest fantasy.
Your favorite pen pal,
Luca
P.S. Pretty sure I still have one Mee-Mee somewhere in a box in my closet. If you’d send me an updated picture, I might dig him out . . .
P.P.S. Pretty sure LELO will be needing new batteries after these last few letters.
CHAPTER 7
LUCA
“Luca?” Cecily, the lady who worked the front desk at my little post office, yelled to me. Luckily, the building was empty today. I locked up my PO box, feeling a bit disappointed that I still hadn’t received a return letter from Griffin. It had been more than a week since my last letter to him, and I began to grow concerned that maybe I’d been too honest sharing my sexual escapades—namely my masturbating with a Furby—and scared him away. Walking into the main office adjoining the PO box room, Cecily held up a finger. “I have a package for you. It didn’t fit into your box. Let me go grab it.”
“Oh. Okay.” I’d been expecting my publisher to send advance review copies of my latest completed book, but when Cecily walked out carrying an enormous red box, my heart started to race. Did Griff send me something?
She set the package down on the counter. “Usually your boxes are fairly heavy; this one is pretty light for its size.”
I had to push up on my toes to see the return address. An ear-to-ear smile spread across my face seeing Griff’s familiar handwriting. Cecily noticed.
“Looks like it’s something you’re happy arrived safely.”
“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting a box, just a letter.”
She smiled warmly. “Well, I hope it’s something fun.”
I carried the package out to my car, barely able to stop myself from ripping it open right there in the parking lot. Normally, I waited until I got home to read Griff’s letters, but I was way too excited to do that with this package. So I put it on the front passenger seat, went around to the driver’s side, and got into the car, then proceeded to tear into the large box.
There was a red envelope with my name on top of red tissue paper. I took it out and debated reading it, but my curiosity got the best of me, and I did the rude thing and opened the gift before even reading the card.
Unfolding the tissue paper, my eyes grew wide.
Oh my God!
I started to crack up. There had to be more than a hundred vibrating Furby key chains inside. I couldn’t even imagine where the heck he’d gotten them, since they’d stopped putting them inside Happy Meals more than a decade ago. I picked one up, looked at the bottom, and slid the on-off switch to “On.” Sure enough, it started to vibrate in the palm of my hand. It made me squeal like I was thirteen again.
There was no way I could wait until I got home to read his letter now. I tore into the envelope like an addict needing her next fix.
Dear Luca,
If you’d asked me my darkest fantasy a month ago, I’d probably have told you I might have fantasized a time or two about a little BDSM action. Depriving a woman of all her senses—her eyes blindfolded and ears covered with headphones. She’d have on a pair of assless leather chaps and some spiky heels. Her hands would be tied behind her back while she was bent over a spanking horse, and her ass cheeks would flame red with my handprint. I’m sure you get the picture—considering your bacon and porn obsession and all.
But things have changed for me as of late. These days, my deepest, darkest fantasy borders on depraved. Depraved, Luca. I can’t stop thinking about a certain five-foot-six woman lying in my bed, legs spread-eagled, with a fucking Furby pressed to her pussy.
Sadly, I’m dead serious. I even thought about going to a self-help group—maybe one for furries? I think maybe they’d understand.
Luca, Luca, Luca. What have you done to me?
Love,
Mee-Mee
P.S. You know what to do with these. Think of me while you’re doing it.
P.P.S. Are you a screamer? A moaner? Ever done it in public?
P.P.P.S. They shut off my eBay account due to possible fraud activity because of multiple successive purchases. No sellers had heavy inventory of vibrating Mee-Mee—but seventy-seven people had a hundred combined!
Hortencia thought they were chew toys. I chased her around the house, trying to get the Furby out of her mouth, but that only made her think it was a game. By the time I wrestled it from her, she ran back into my office and grabbed another from the box. I needed to find a safer place to put my new little collection before Doc arrived for our session today. So I grabbed a plastic storage bin from the basement, one with a lid that latched closed, and started to transfer the little toys into it. Underneath all the Furbys, on the bottom of the box, sticking half under one of the cardboard flaps, was a piece of paper folded in half. I opened it, thinking maybe Griffin had written a second note. But instead it was an eBay receipt for one of the vibrating key chains. He must’ve accidentally tossed it in when he was packing up the toys. The top left-hand corner had the shipping information: