And I say, “Well, that’s a problem, Preach. That’s a big fuckin’ problem.”
Preacher says, “It’s gonna be all right.”
So, I say, “The rest of the tour is clean and Leeanne’s gone, security had to escort her out, but that’s the least of our shit and you know it.”
I can tell by the look on his face when I mention the tour being clean he’s not down with that and when I said the word “security” he did not like that happened, he did not like that he didn’t know, and he hadn’t been there to see to Timmy.
But even with this, he just stands in his door, this big man blocking me out, and he’s not gonna let me in.
We just look at each other and neither of us say dick until I say, “Yeah, we got a big fuckin’ problem.”
I walk away
And the fuck of it is…
He lets me.
[Off tape]
In the end, Trelane published his book, including a goodly number of images of Lyla, doing this without McCade’s permission.
Yeah, he did.
And Trelane’s book captured the interest of more than Roadmasters and Trelane’s fans. It is widely heralded as nuanced photojournalism of the disintegration of a rock band, starting with the band at its peak, ending with it all unraveling, and how this can come about without big internal or band-based public drama.
Yeah.
It is.
Jesse:
I’m sure it won’t surprise you that after years of popping whatever pill you thought would do the job, having a snort whenever you wanted to feed the need and imbibing liquor copiously is not something you can just decide to stop doing without repercussions.
The next coupla weeks on that tour were shaky, man.
Serious.
And the thing is, it gets worse before it gets better. Every night you go to bed and think, “Tomorrow won’t be this shitty,” and then you wake up and that day is shittier, and it really fucks with your head.
Because all you can think is, “I take a pill…” or “I do a line this all goes away.”
The only thing that stops you from doing that is the fact that you know, eventually you’re gonna have to try again and there’s one thing you’re certain about.
You do not wanna start from the beginning.
Even after, you know?
Coupla weeks go by and that’s only when you start to feelin’ better.
You don’t wake up one day and you’re all “I’m good. I’ll just go run a marathon.”
[Shakes head]
Hell no.
Folks give the stank eye to people who fall off the wagon, and I wanna say, “You know what, motherfucker. Give up running so much your knees are shit. Or give up that coupla glasses of wine you have every night. Or give up those Doritos. Or shoppin’. Or controlling every goddamn morsel of food that goes into your mouth because you can’t control the world around you.”
We all got a way to cope that we fall into.
And even if it isn’t chemically induced, it’s hard as fuck to kick, no matter how bad it is for you.
I’ll tell you one of many things I learned when I kicked the pills and blow.
I learned to cut some serious slack.
So, we’re cold turkey off the shit and we did not pick the best time, say, around a break.
We got a full day to recoup between gigs, but a lot of the time, we gotta pitch up to a radio program to rap for an hour or talk to the local papers.
You see, what I did not know until later, not bein’ a soldier, that Tom did know, was that any good general has an exit strategy.
He prepares just as much for defeat as he does victory.
But it’s more.
And Tom knew that too.
See, if you’re lucky enough to come out a winner, you make it so you do that with as many men left standing as you can.
Look at it like this.
What goes up, must come down.
It is rare that, if a band stays together, if they don’t crash and burn, there won’t be ebbs and flows.
The likes of the Rolling Stones, which make it big and stay there, because they’re that fuckin’ good, then remain there, because they became who they are, is an anomaly.
Case in point, name another band outside the Stones that has that like they have that.
[Waits and when he gets no response, nods]
There are none.
Lennon, McCartney, Harrison and Starr went on from the Beatles to be Lennon, McCartney, with and without the Wings, Harrison and Starr because they were the Beatles.
Even acts like Petty, Fleetwood Mac, the E Street Band, the Who waned. As good as they are, and they’re the greats, they can continue to make music, they can sell out arenas, but they’re coasting.
The goal is to find your time where you can coast.
And when you find that time, be able to coast.
A time where you can still make music for you and give it to your fans.
But the pressure is not on and you don’t gotta let it all get sucked out of you to get more.
Tom had a mind to all of that, and except for Preacher, who is not out with his shit but we all know he’s still using, and Shawn, who never descended into it far enough for it to be a problem, me and Dave and Tim are jittery.
[Laughs shortly]
Now, with Penny the way she was, I couldn’t say I got too deep into it either. I could get a buzz on, but it wasn’t about descending completely down that rabbit hole.
And still, I would not live that next two weeks again for anything.
Especially since Tom knows, along the way, you only make enemies with people you’re down with makin’ enemies.
The rest, you pitch up and deal.
What I’m saying is, Tommy didn’t cancel shit.
If it was scheduled, we did it.
Shows. Interviews. Photo ops. Radio slots. TV appearances.
And that was really not fun.
But he knows, these people gotta remember the Roadmasters as the dudes who you could rely on. As the dudes who saw to their business and didn’t disappoint.
Because you need everyone you can get to make it big.
You need everyone you can get to stay there.
And you need everyone to remember you in a good way when it’s time to coast.
But somehow with all this happening, and I know how, the shows don’t suffer.
And this is because the only fix we can get is our own adrenaline.
But also, Preacher’s got something to say to Lyla.
And he needs it bad that she hears it.
During our live shows, we do covers, always at least one cover.
And suddenly we’re doin’ shit like “Feel Like Makin’ Love,” “Wild Horses,” and “Me and Bobby McGee.”
[Smiles reminiscently]
I don’t think she heard.
But we kicked the shit outta those songs.
And just to say, seein’ as we’re makin’ the record straight here with what we’re doin’, not like this isn’t known, but I don’t hear it either.
None of us did.
And what Preacher was doin’, he was screaming it in our faces.
Doing this by singing.
One night, we do “Lovesong” by The Cure.