Last night, when Luc had pulled me into bed with him, I’d thought the worst was behind us. But now, I had a sinking suspicion what Marco had said to me on the plane was about to come true. It was going to get way worse before it ever got better.
I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. In and out. Again and again until my hands stopped shaking. This time, it wasn’t misery I fought. It was a blistering rage that threatened to consume me.
I’d never understood how a person could commit murder. But if Luc’s parents were here right now, I wouldn’t even hesitate. I’d claw their eyes out with my bare hands if I had to. And I’d enjoy every single minute.
A soft knock sounded at my door. Looking up, I worked to compose myself when I said, “Yeah.”
Marco stuck his head into my room, his dark eyes filled with regret. “Hey.”
I’d known it wouldn’t be Luc, and right now, I was glad he wasn’t here. Not when I felt like punching my hand through a wall. I wasn’t sure how he’d react to that. Or how I’d react if he started yelling at me again.
I brushed the hair back from my face and pushed to my feet. “Hey.”
“You okay?”
I shrugged as he stopped in front of me. “I could lie and say yes, but I have a feeling you’d see right through my bullshit.”
He smirked and rested his hands on the waistband of his jeans. “At least you still have your sense of humor. That’s a good thing.”
I wasn’t so sure. I couldn’t see anything humorous in this entire fucked-up situation.
I tipped my head and studied him. His hair was rumpled, his T-shirt wrinkled as if he’d slept in it. I had no idea what time it even was, but I had a hunch he’d worn his clothes to bed just in case Luc needed him. “How is he?”
“Cranky.”
“I wasn’t trying to cause trouble. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. He’s the one who didn’t want to let me lea—”
“I get it. He was probably loopy last night. Which is a good thing.”
I frowned. “It’s a good thing he only wants me when he’s drugged? Well, let’s just keep him high all the time, then, why don’t we?”
Marco’s lips thinned at my sarcasm. “You know what I meant. He’s not pushing you away when his walls are down. People tend to tell the truth when they’re high or drunk or loopy. His stupid brain’s just getting in the way when he’s awake.”
“It’s his brain I’m most worried about. Physically, I know he’ll heal, but what they did to him...” Bile pushed up my throat, and I worked to keep it down. “They set that up specifically so it would take away his control. You and I both know how important that is to him. They—”
“You’re right, they did. And you being there was not what he expected. It was just another way they fucked with his head. Seeing you now, before he’s had a chance to wrap his mind around all that shit, is just a giant reminder of that fact.”
My stomach clenched. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying...you need to give him that time. Let him deal with the anger and humiliation and shame of what they did to him before you go see him again.”
All the fight from before slipped right out of me. I sank to the end of the bed again. “And how long will that take? A day? A few days? A week?”
“We’ll play it by ear.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. Tears burned hot behind my eyes, a mixture of rage and misery swirling inside me I couldn’t seem to get a handle on. I looked down at my hands in my lap.
Marco knelt in front of me and rested one hand on my thigh. “You just have to be patient. The Luc you know and love is still in there. He’s just trapped under something pretty heavy.”
I knew he was. That was the worst part. Because I didn’t have a clue how to reach him.
I sniffled and swiped the back of my hand across my nose. “Be patient and have faith. Those seem to be my mottos right now. When what I really want to do is commit first-degree murder.”
He smirked again. “I’m kinda proud of you for wanting to commit first-degree murder.”
I glanced up. “You are?”
“Hell yeah. Most women would have bailed after what you saw.”
“I’m not leaving him.”
“That’s how I know you’re the real deal. And it’s how I know you’re the very best thing in the world for Luc. I wasn’t sure before. I mean, the first time I saw him look at you outside the airport in Rome, I knew he was head over heels in love with you, but you were so standoffish those first few days...”
He was referring to the first few days Luc and I had stayed at the guest cottage on Marco’s property.
I looked back down at my hands again. “Things were... complicated then.”
Though, thinking back, they hadn’t been that complicated. Not complicated like this. We’d both just been too wrapped up in our own pride to be honest about our feelings. A mistake I was not about to make again.
I met Marco’s gaze once more. “I love him. Desperately. I’m not about to give him any reason to think I don’t.”
“Good.” His expression sobered. “Because that’s the other reason I came in here.”
“I’m not sure I want to know what that means.”
“He’s going to try hard to push you away, Natalie. He’ll say it’s for your own good. He’ll claim you’re not safe around him. Whatever he hits you with, don’t buy his bullshit. Luc, in his current state, is like a wild animal that’s been cornered. And this is his corner—being injured, relying on others to help him, having no control over what happened to him, knowing you were there to watch it all... Those are some big ass corners. He’s coming out swinging because it’s all he knows. Give his wounds some time to heal, but don’t let him anger or intimidate you. And don’t you dare give up on him, because regardless of what he says, he needs you. Fee and I can help get him past the physical pain, but you’re the only one who will be able to get him through the rest.”
I stared at Marco. He was talking about the mental and emotional scars Luc was going to carry because of that rape. Because that was what it was. Regardless of what his House wanted to call it, it was rape. They’d tied him down, pumped him full of drugs, and taken away his choice. It didn’t matter if the rapist had been a woman or a man. That ritual hadn’t been about sex as they wanted Luc to believe. It had been about power. About showing Luc—and me—just who had the power in this world. And about making sure we never crossed them again.
“I want them to pay for what they’ve done to him,” I whispered.
Marco squeezed my thigh. “They will. I promise. When the time is right.”
The right time would never be soon enough.
But I didn’t say so. As tears burned all over again, I just closed my eyes and nodded.
Marco pushed to his feet. “Why don’t you come down to the kitchen and get some breakfast. Fee’s making French toast. Then you can come back up here and sleep for a few hours. I need you to take care of yourself so you have the strength and energy for Luc.”
I nodded again, though I had no appetite. And I had no idea when Luc would even need me.