I try my hardest not to get aroused by her, but fuck, my dick is not getting the memo.
This is going to be a long night, a long, hard night.
Pun intended.
Chapter Four
Emerson
I wake up the same way I fell asleep, cocooned in Clark’s embrace. My cheek pressed against his shirt clad chest, his clean scent and the warmth of his body surrounding me. Never in a million years did I think I would be able to handle someone touching me like that, let alone take comfort in it. There’s something about Clark though, I can’t explain it, pinpoint it, something that gives me hope, something that calms the ever roaring storm inside of me.
Never have I felt so content, so at ease in the presence of another person. I revel in the feeling, and hope with all my heart that this is going to last, because I don’t know if I could survive another heartbreak, because one thing is already certain. Clark holds my heart in his hands a boy I barely know holds my heart and he has the power to shatter it into a million pieces.
He stirs after what seems like a long time but still not enough. I want him to hold me all day. His hand rubs up and down my back as he dips his head and kisses the top of my hair. The gesture is so gentle, kind, and it moves me.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice raspy with sleep.
“Yes, thank you for staying with me,” I say, my throat still throbbing from crying and screaming in my sleep. Of course this is nothing new for me. Night terrors have been a constant in my life for years. What is new is having someone hold me all night.
“My dad is coming home tonight,” Clark says, and all the lightheartedness I felt seconds ago vanishes. I’m not sure if he caught my body stiffen or if he is a mind reader, but Clark hushed me right away, rushing to my rescue like a knight.
“I’m scared…” I confess, the trembling in my lips already starting.
“It’s okay, you’re safe with me. I promise,” he tells me and I believe him. My brain tells me I shouldn’t, but I’m tired of listening to the crippling fear, tired of letting it control me.
Clark has never tried to hurt me even though I’ve been alone with him multiple times. He’s never showed himself to be a monster, and while I know that the darkest of villains often hide in plain sight, Clark isn’t like that and I should give him the benefit of the doubt, that’s what normal people do, right? Clinging to his words, I let myself find strength in them.
It’s going to be okay… it’s going to be okay…
He can never hurt me again…
Hating it but knowing we should, I start to pull away. As I do so, my leg brushes against a firm bulge in his sweatpants. It’s huge. I gasp knowing what it is, and like an idiot, I look up at Clark’s face. A pained expression mars his beautiful features.
“Sorry,” he says hoarsely. I wait for him to make a move, to come at me. My heart thunders inside my chest, but nothing happens, he doesn’t move, not even an inch.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” I apologize, feeling stupid after a brief moment. Clark is not a monster, he can control himself, his urges.
Clark shakes his head. “Don’t apologize, not for being scared, not for anything. You don’t owe anyone an apology, least of all me.”
Stupidly I believe him. I hang on every word he says, like a silent prayer hoping this will last forever, that the nightmares of my past will remain hidden, buried deep inside of me.
But something inside my head whispers… secrets were made to be told… and I know if I let Clark get any closer, those secrets will spill out. Ruining both of us forever.
We part ways, and I spend the morning going over my syllabus for class and putting my books together. I’m beyond nervous to start classes but tell myself it’s college. No way is it anything like high school was. I can handle this.
Later that afternoon Clark has some guys come and fix my bedroom door while I hide out in the basement, curled up on the couch, some reality tv show on. I still can’t believe he kicked the door in to get to me. No one has ever come to my rescue like that.
Foolishly I wonder what my life would be like, how different I would be had I had someone like Clark in my life before now.
“The guys are done, and my father is on his way home. He didn’t tell me where he was at, but he’ll be here soon,” Clark sighs, sagging down onto the couch beside me. He looks, well, frustrated, to say the least, and it makes me wonder how strained his relationship with his father is. As soon as the thought appears in my mind a question forms on my tongue.
“Do you like your dad?” I ask, knowing I shouldn’t. It’s none of my business. It’s not like my relationship with my father is any better. I’m here only as a favor, as a burden. My father doesn’t know what to do with me, and so here I am. I’m here because it’s the easiest option, because my father is tired of dealing with me.
“Like? That’s not really the word I would use to describe our relationship. My father sees me as a burden, well, unless he needs me to do something for him, then I’m a convenience.”
“Mine sees me as a burden, never a convenience.”
“He sounds like an ass.” Clark grins, trying to make light of the situation. “I guess it’s good we have each other then, right?” He smiles, but I can’t return his smile. Not with the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that makes me wonder, do we really? I’ve been alone for so long I wouldn’t know what to do with a friend.
If that Sarah chick wasn’t enough evidence, I get the feeling Clark doesn’t have friends that are girls, which leads me back to the question running rampant in my mind?
Why? Why help the broken girl?
I’m about to ask him why he would want to help me, wondering if this is all an act, something that my father put him up to when the sound of the front door opening meets my ears. He’s here. My thoughts shift, swirling with panic. Dread fills my gut. I must have my worry painted on my face because Clark reaches out, placing a hand against my leg to calm me, and it does, his touch calms me, but it does something else too.
It gives me a warmth I’ve never experienced before, a tingling forms deep in my stomach and I want to latch onto that feeling, explore it.
“Clark, Emerson?” Clark’s father’s deep voice slices through that warmth bringing me back to the present with a hard jerk.
“It’s going to be okay,” Clark assures me again and gets up from the couch. He helps me up as well and we walk hand in hand toward the stairs that lead up to his waiting father. Again, warmth encompasses me, leaving me both curious and terrified. I can still feel the fear lingering beneath the surface, threatening to break through like a wave crashing against a cliff’s edge.
The walk up the steps is a quick one and when we reach the opening to the foyer, I see Clark’s father waiting for us an impatient look on his face. I can’t help it, as soon as my feet touch the pristine marble floor I clam up.
Like most of the wealthy men I’ve met, he’s wearing a suit that’s tailored to his body. It’s always the same, expensive suit, money, power, it’s nothing more than an image, a shield used to hide the darker things beneath. The impulses, the need. All waiting with bated breath to be released. A shiver ripples down my spine and I squeeze Clark’s hand tighter, as he all but drags me across the floor to stand before his father.