“I’m positive.”
“Okay, I just don’t want you changing her whole life around for me. I’m not worthy of that kind of thing.”
“Don’t ever say anything like that again. You are worth all of this and more. Don’t ever think anything less of yourself,” I scold, a little harsher than I should, but I want to drive the point home. I want her to understand, to see things the way I do.
Her eyes bleed into mine for a long second and then without saying a word, she leans in and presses her lips to my cheek. Sparks of pleasure zing across my skin.
The kiss is brief, gentle, almost innocent like, even though my body thinks of it as something else entirely. I can’t stop my cock from bulging against my jeans though, even when I silently tell the fucker to calm down.
Emerson pulls away then, her eyes wide, searching mine for a reaction. She looks a bit shocked, even more than me.
“I’m so—” she starts, but I cut her off, pressing my index finger to her lips.
“Don’t you dare finish that,” I warn playfully. “Don’t you ever apologize for kissing me. I like kisses, among other things,” I wink.
I know I’m walking the line with my comment, but I want to see where she stands, on what level we’re at.
Her creamy white cheeks turn a bright shade of red, as red as her hair, but I don’t care. In fact, I feel the opposite. I’m glad she’s being shy since it beats the heck out of her being scared.
“Should we go in?” Her voice is raspy, sexy, and as badly as I want to tell her no, I nodded my head yes. Truthfully, I don’t want to go in anymore. I want to lean over and kiss her lips, taste her, feel her and more, so much more. I don’t want this moment to end, but I can’t pretend she’s one of the girls I usually fuck, like those women are comparable to her, because they’re not, she’s so much more than they ever were so much more.
“Let’s go,” I say, opening my door to get out of the car. She crawls off my lap and steps out onto the driveway, and I follow behind her, adjusting myself as I do.
Taking her hand into mine, I lead her to the front door. Once there, I dig the key out of my pocket and unlock the door. It swings open into a large living room area with an attached kitchen and dining room. Everything is in a modern but comfortable style with gray and white colors. All but the red couch that stands out like an eyesore.
“Oh, wow. This is beautiful,” she gasps, taking in the condo. The whole place is fully furnished and decorated, which was one of the reasons why I chose it. I show her the master bedroom first, and though I know I can let go of her hand now, that there is no threat in sight, I continue holding it. Enjoying the feel of her small hand in mine.
Oh, the fun Vance would have with this if he saw me right now.
“This will be your room. There is a large bathroom attached to it, with a big garden tub.” She takes in the light gray and yellow accented bedroom. The duvets are a pretty paisley pattern that suits her perfectly.
“My room is across the hall, and just like in the other house, you’re free to come into it whenever you would like.”
“Why?” She turns to face me, her face a mask of fear, of sadness…what does she mean why? As if she can sense my confusion, she starts to speak again, “Why do this for me? You don’t know me, you don’t know anything and yet you’re, you’re making choices like this and helping me, and it makes no sense, Clark, none at all. Are you…”
She pulls away and my heart skids to a stop. She’s looking at me like I’m going to hurt her again and I can’t stomach it. That look… it eats at me.
My jaw tightens and I will myself to calm down. I’m close to saying something… and then she opens her mouth and says, “Are you trying to get something from me? Is this some kind of game? Did my father put you up to this? I… I won’t have sex with you, Clark. I’m not like that.” I take a step back feeling as if she’s slapped me in the face.
That’s what she thinks? She thinks that I’m trying to fuck her, that I’m being nice to her so I can get in her pants? I could be a cruel asshole right now and tell her I wouldn’t have to try this hard for pussy, but I won’t. I couldn’t say something that assholish, to her and be able to look at myself the next day. Still, I need to make sure she knows that it’s not like this.
“You have no idea how ironic this whole situation is,” I tell her, unable to hide my grin.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she eyes me warily. “Is this funny to you?”
“No, not at all. It’s just that it’s the opposite of what you’re thinking. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, or maybe you would… but you’re literally the first girl I’ve ever come into contact with that I haven’t tried to have sex with.”
Her face falls and I realize that, that probably wasn’t the best thing to say either.
Well, shit. What is the right thing to say here? I’m so far out of my element here, I might as well be in outer space.
“Okay, maybe that came out wrong.” Even though it’s true. “This isn’t a game for me. I’m not trying to get laid or to get you to have sex with me or do anything else that you don’t want. All I want is to help you… that’s it.”
“But why?” she asks, her tone curious. For a moment, I think about lying to her, or at least not telling her the whole truth. I’ve never told anyone how I really feel, what I really think about how my mom died. But as I look deep into Emerson’s big blue eyes, I’m reminded of the enormous amount of trust she has placed in me. How can I not return that trust? I need to tell her the truth, even if it hurts like hell talking about it.
“My mom died when I was twelve,” I start explaining. “She was dealing with anxiety and depression. She was suffering quietly and alone, until one day she wasn’t anymore. She killed herself.”
Emerson unfolds her arms and lets them fall back down to her sides, a deep frown forming on her pink lips, well her eyes mist with remorse, “I’m sorry, Clark.”
“I couldn't help her, but I think I can help you. If you let me,” I offer. “I’m not asking for anything in return from you.”
And I’m not. I wouldn’t. This isn’t about sex, or even doing as my father asked me to. This is about me wanting to help someone that needs it, deserves it.
“I’m scared, Clark,” she whispers, the sound almost inaudible.
“You don’t have to be scared of me, not ever,” I assure her, my hand clenching into a tight fist to stop myself from reaching out to her.
“It’s not that. I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of needing you…and then losing you.”
She barely gets the words past her lips before I’m grabbing her and pulling her into my chest. I throw my arms around her, holding her to me tightly and this time she doesn’t even flinch. Her small arms snake around my waist hugging me back. Tethering us together.
“You won’t lose me. I promise,” I say the words without thought. I’m not sure what the future holds but I’ll do everything in my power to be there for her, not only in memory of my mother but because I want to be because I need to be.