“I don’t know.”
“I’m sure Clark will come with us. I don’t see him not going. He’s smitten by you.”
Ha, if only she knew what I saw a short while ago. He’s not smitten by me, and even if he was it wouldn't matter. It’s never going to happen. We hardly know each other. And I don't date, and from the sounds of it neither does he.
“I’ll think about it, okay?” I don’t want to be rude and tell her I won’t come at all, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to change my mind about it.
The rest of our coffee date we spend talking about less nerve-wracking subjects, like teachers, classes and the best places to eat around here. We exchange numbers, and with a quick glance at my phone, I notice that we’ve been sitting here for well over an hour.
“If you need anything, a friend to talk to, someone to have coffee with, or even if you want to hang out, I’ll gladly volunteer.”
“Thank you, Ava, we need to meet up again,” I tell her, even though I’m not sure that we will. This all happened by happenstance, and well I was glad to have the distraction I know I’ll have to face Clark eventually.
“We will meet up again,” she says, oozing confidence. Wrapping me up in her arms, she gives me a tight squeeze before releasing me. Then we part ways her heading to a class across campus while I head to my abnormal psychology class. Maybe I’ll learn something about myself there.
I recall Clark mentioning something about it being the building next to a giant statue of a wild cat, the university’s mascot. Walking with my head down, I try and stay out of everyone’s way. My phone chimes in my pocket and I pull it out looking down at. It’s a text from my father. My fingers tremble as I enter the code on my phone and open the text.
It reads: Call me. We need to talk.
I can feel the anger in the typed out words. Why wouldn’t he just call me himself? Because he knows how much you hate doing something he wants you to do. Gritting my teeth, I shove my phone into my pocket and continue down the sidewalk. I’ll respond to him later. Forcing myself to look up and straight ahead, I see the statue Clark told me about and almost break out into a happy dance.
I’m so proud of myself. Entering the building, I read the class numbers off inside my head as I pass the doors. 301, 302, 303… ding, ding. The door to the classroom is open, so I walk in. Of course there are already a few fellow students in their seats, getting their books and whatever else they need out. Moving like a shadow, I try and find a seat in the back of the room but close to the door so if I need to escape, I can do so unnoticed.
My ass hasn’t even hit the chair yet when I see her… the blonde Barbie-like girl that was kissing Clark earlier. She’s pretty. Prettier than me by a long shot and I wish I had even a sliver of the confidence she has. Her gaze sweeps around the room as if she’s looking for someone, soft feminine laughter falling from her lips. Ignoring her presence altogether, I start to tug my books out of my bag and set them on the table in front of me.
They start walking toward me, and my stomach tightens, a boulder of anxiety rolling around inside of it.
“Don’t sit over there, Claudia. She’s garbage.” The Claudia chick giggles, but doesn’t listen to her friend. In fact, she slips farther down the row until she’s in the seat directly in front of me. This is going to be bad. I can already tell.
Blondie follows because where one sheep goes, they all go.
“Seriously? I don’t want to sit next to trash, let’s move,” the blonde sneers, her eyes like daggers as they rake over my face. I should be hurt by her words, after all, she’s calling me trash but I’m not. I’m more insulted by the fact that Clark would kiss someone as disgusting as her. It’s obvious she has a rock for a heart.
“Shut up Holly, even garbage needs a friend. Plus, she needs to be warned about Clark. Not that I think he would ever dip his dick inside her.” Claudia’s eyes rake over my clothing, assessing me. I know what she sees, what they all see.
An ugly girl drowning in her clothing, hiding, but they have no idea the secrets that I’m keeping, the pain I’ve endured. I’m silently suffering, alone, but I would never wish for them to endure all that I have.
“Clark is just a friend.” My voice trembles even though I don’t want it to.
“Aw, a friend?” Holly, as her friend called her says, cocking her head to the side. “Of course you’re only a friend, Clark doesn’t date garbage, and you look like garbage. I mean, what the hell are you wearing?”
Heat rises in my cheeks, and I feel the need to back up my stuff and escape the room.
“It doesn’t look like a garbage bag,” Claudia says, tossing her black glossy locks over her shoulder.
Holly snickers, and then leans down, her face like a beautifully painted masterpiece… a mask of ugly. She might be pretty on the outside, but inside she’s mean, evil, ugly. I’ve spent my entire life running away from girls like her, and because of my association with Clark, I’ve gathered the attention of another group of rich bitches.
“I saw the way you looked at Clark when he kissed me, the way your face fell. Like you ever had a chance with him,” she sneers, her lip curling in disgust. “He’ll never want you. If you’re smart, you’ll remove yourself from the situation because I have no problem taking out the trash.”
As if her words aren’t shitty enough, she shoves my books off the table and onto the floor. They land with a heavy clash that garners the attention of other students that are in the room.
“You’ve been warned,” Holly hisses before trudging away, her friend following behind her. I shouldn’t care, and truthfully, I don’t, but I’m angry, sad that Clark would be with someone like her, someone so hateful, so mean. Bending down, I pick up my books and them back down on the table.
A pang of pain echoes inside my chest, but I ignore it. The professor finally walks in and I’m so relieved I nearly sigh.
“Everyone open your textbooks to page forty-seven,” the professor’s stern voice orders. I do as he instructs and focus all my attention on him and the notes he’s putting up on the board. Being that my social life sucks ass, my academics are spot on. Reading, studying, writing, all of those things I’m incredibly good at, if only I could learn to let go of the fear surrounding my heart so I could excel at, at least making friends.
Class zooms by, and before I realize it, I’ve got an entire page of notes taken. The professor releases us with an essay on fear of the human body, which I find funny since it’s the one thing I live in daily.
I wait for most of the students to filter out of the room before I get up and start to put my stuff away. Holly and Claudia slip out of the room with giggling laughter and I do my best to ignore them. They don’t know me, the things I’ve endured, the things that made me the way I am… different.
Shoving all my stuff into my backpack, I zip it up and sling it over my shoulder. Then I pull out my phone, knowing I’ll have to decide on what to do. I’m going to have to face Clark one way or another. It’s the last thing I want to do right now, but it’s going to happen. I could always call Ava and ask her to give me a ride, but our friendship is new, and I don’t want her to think I’m using her. I unlock the screen to find three new messages from Clark.