“I’m fine.” I turn back to my computer, but I can’t quite focus on the screen. It keeps blurring across my vision. I blink a few times, but it doesn’t help.
“Meg.” His voice sounds closer. He rounds the desk and, after the briefest of hesitations, takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. And then I’m in his arms and he’s holding me tightly. “Don’t cry, Meg. It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”
“I’m not crying.” Even as I say the words, wetness trails down my cheeks. “I’m fine.”
“Meg.” He tightens his grip, practically crushing me to his chest. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
I should push away, should tell him I can stand on my own, but I don’t. I just rest my cheek on his chest and let him hold me. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t feel that way. I’ve been fucking up ever since I got here.” He laughs harshly. “I’ve been fucking up a lot longer than that, if I’m honest.”
“Hercules…”
He strokes a rough hand over my hair. “All I wanted was to help you, and it feels like all I’ve done is make your life harder.”
He’s not exactly wrong, but he’s also taking all the blame when there’s more than enough to go around. I shouldn’t have seduced him in the first place as part of a game with me and Hades. Hades shouldn’t have used us both as pawns without communicating his plans. A whole lot of shouldn’t. “I guess I should apologize too.” My voice is watery and rough, and I hate the weakness it represents. The crack in my armor.
“What a mess we are.”
“You can say that again.”
He lifts me and carries me back to the chair on the other side of the desk, sitting with me curled in his lap. Again, I know I should stop this. Again, I don’t. I let him hold me, let him comfort me, even though I don’t deserve it. “What did you mean before? When you said you’ve been fucking up a lot longer?”
He takes a careful breath, and I wonder if he’s going to lie to me. But Hercules just rests his chin on the top of my head and exhales. “My father hurt a woman. I found out and tried to make things right. I just thought if the truth came out, then he would be punished for the harm he did her. I didn’t realize I’d be putting her reputation on trial more than his. He traumatized her, but I’m the one who ruined her life. I told her I could protect her, and then I wasn’t able to.” I start to sit up, but he tightens his hold on me. “Please don’t try to comfort me. I don’t deserve it.”
It doesn’t take much to read between the lines and know what kind of harm his father delivered that would put his victim’s reputation on trial. “You were dumb to think that it would play out any other way than how it did, especially if you father has any power.”
He makes a choked sound. “Thanks, Meg. That’s very helpful.”
I lift my head. “But that doesn’t mean you’re to blame. You tried to make things right. It blew up in your face, but you tried and that counts for something.”
He looks so goddamn upset. Those blue eyes hold horrors in a way they never have in the other times we’ve talked. “I appreciate you saying it, but it doesn’t count for shit.”
I know how I would have handled that situation. I know how Hades would have. In that, we are too much alike, perhaps. No matter how powerful, we would have taken the bastard down. The only difference is that Hades would have required a deal to put things into motion. I don’t know if telling Hercules that he should have sought justice outside of the system is helpful. Probably not.
I cup his jaw. “What happened to her?”
He looks at me, but he’s not seeing me. “She ended up dropping the charges. She just wanted to get out of town, to break fully from everything connected to what happened. I gave her as much money as she’d take and promised never to look for her.” Hercules shakes his head. “I should have done something more.”
Easy enough to follow this to the next step. “So that’s why you left.”
“That’s why I left.”
Noble or stupid? I honestly don’t know. Maybe he could have done more good back in that place, fighting against the powers that be. Maybe. I’m not about to judge cutting his losses and leaving. I walked away from my entire life and all my future plans for a man who threw me away like trash the second he got what he wanted from me. And after I fell for Hades, I never once considered leaving, not with any kind of intent. Does that make me a coward for being content to live in his shadow? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Because I have no answers, I do the only thing that makes sense.
I kiss Hercules.
He tastes like mint and something surprisingly sweet, and after a moment of shock, he returns the kiss with interest. The man might be submissive but he’s all enthusiasm as he slips his fingers into my hair and tugs until he’s able to deepen our kiss, to tease my mouth open. To claim me, just a little, just right now. To connect.
It’s not enough. I knew it wouldn’t be the second our lips touched. I want that connection as much as he does, want the purity Hercules brings to every interaction. He hides nothing. It doesn’t even occur to him to try. After a decade with Hades, it’s refreshing in a way that goes straight to my head.
I straddle him and the new position makes my shift dress ride up. Hercules strokes his hands down my back and squeezes my ass, urging me to grind against him. He’s hard, all thick and long and full of promise. Exactly what I need. I reach down to the front of his pants, but he catches my wrist. “No, Meg.”
“Excuse me?”
“Hades—”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. The reminder stings. I yank my hand away from him. “Do you always do what you’re told?”
The guilt on his face confirms it even before he says, “This time, I do.”
The reminder is a slap in the face. I was willing to suffer whatever punishment Hades dreams up for his command. Apparently the same can’t be said for Hercules. He might say he came here for me, but he stayed for Hades. I see the way Hercules watches him, recognize it on a soul-deep level. He’s caught in Hades’s gravitational pull. He’s not the first, and he won’t be the last. There is absolutely no reason for that to sting. And yet it does. “So much for that shining armor you’re so fond of. You’re just as bad as the rest of us.”
I climb off him, but he catches my wrist again. “That’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not, but I’m not in the mood to be fair right now.” The lost feeling from last night washes over me again. I’m just a raw nerve right now, not good company for anyone. That seems to be the rule, rather than the exception, these days. “Please leave.”
“Meg.” Now censure creeps into his tone. “We have a job to do.”
The sudden urge to scream and throw things washes over me. I have to close my eyes and breathe through it. I am Megaera, Queen of the fucking Underworld. I do not indulge in petty temper tantrums. It takes far longer than it should to wind myself back into something resembling calm. A facade, and not even a good one, but it’ll have to do.
I carefully put my desk between us and sink into my chair. Hercules is still sporting a cockstand for the ages, but I ignore it. The room feels too small with him in it, but I ignore that too. I’ve never been claustrophobic, but right now the entire city feels too damn small. There isn’t enough air, enough space, enough freedom.