Out in the driveway, Chuck Andolino, my dad's buddy from high school shop class, had cornered my father and now both of them were staring at my rental car like it had offended them. Chuck's wife was in here hustling my mother out of the kitchen and loading up the freezer for her. My sister's friends flew by in a flutter of whispers and I glanced up, wondering if Ruby was with them, and then looked back down, oddly disappointed when it turned out she wasn't.
Ruby. She didn't feel like a memory. Something about that hug, that new haircut of hers that made her eyes look impossibly big, felt like the present. She felt brand new, and that was weird because I'd known her since she was six years old.
I wondered where the heck she was. It might be nice to start over again with her. That hug had felt pretty damn good.
"Hi Jonah!" A teenaged girl, probably one of the Hanovers based on the amount of freckles she had, suddenly blocked my path.
"Hi there," I paused and let her supply her name.
Which she did with a breathless gasp. "Andie," she interjected. "I'm sorry about your uncle."
"Thank you."
"I know it's probably not the right time," she started.
I took a deep breath. "No, what can I do for you?"
"It's just, you're never home any more..." I winced. Inwardly. "And I didn't know when I was going to get another chance..."
I tried not to show any expression as she shoved the poster and marker at me. I'd been asked for autographs in weirder places, but my uncle's wake was definitely up there. "Sure," I said, signing my name with a flourish.
Andie peer critically at it. "Could you write my name too? Andie. A-n-d-i-e."
I looked up at her and as I did I caught Gabe staring at me. His expression was halfway between rage and resignation, but when I caught his eye the rage took over. "What's with you?" I wanted to know as I finished signing the poster.
As soon as I said it, I realized those were the first words I'd said to him face to face since last Christmas. Half of me wished I could stuff them back into my mouth and try again.
But Gabe had heard them. He lifted his chin at me as he folded his arms. "You're unbelievable."
"What?" I glanced at Andie over in the corner, staring at her picture with a predatory look in her eyes. She was definitely going to sell it on Ebay. "I was being nice. You wanted me to tell her to piss off?"
Gabe's lip curled. My brother had bulked up since our lean touring days, packed on some muscle around the shoulders and arms. His face was different too. Harder. Less open. Getting his heart stomped on by the girl he thought he was going to marry could have something to do with it, but that didn't explain all the hate I saw in his eyes. "It's a funeral, you asswipe."
"It's actually considered a wake now," I corrected. "And I was doing something nice. She's a fan."
"You can't turn it off, can you?" Gabe spat. "Not even now."
I spread my hands. "Should I have done what you do and tell her to go fuck herself?"
"Nah, Andie's a sweet girl. A bit intense, but nice. You wouldn't know that though."
"You're right, I wouldn't. So you'd have signed the autograph too, then." Fighting with Gabe felt like pressing on a bruise. I felt nauseous and spun around, hurt and confusion and righteous anger all fighting to be the top feeling. "Don't get all high and mighty. You're just pissed she came to me!"
Gabe snorted. "You really think I haven't signed all her memorabilia already? I was in that band too you know."
"Oh I know." I rolled my eyes sarcastically. "Believe me. Until you ended it over a girl."
I hadn't meant to bring it up. Really I hadn't. It was a funeral after all, this wasn't the time or the place to have this out. But Gabe's selective memory about how the break up happened pissed me off. He needed to remember that I wasn't the one in the wrong.
Two years ago, Gabe was off the rails - high on pills and drunk on love with a gold-digging hellspawn. He wanted to marry her for some reason, but when he went to propose, he found her down on her knees, blowing our manager. Walked right in on the both of them.
He broke up with her, of course. That was obviously the right thing to do.
But then he took it a step further and broke up our band.
To this day I don't understand why he did that. Or why Beau and Finn took his side. I told them all it was a huge fucking mistake, but they didn't listen to me. Arguments lapsed into silent treatment - phone calls unreturned, emails never opened. I knew he was pissed at me for some reason, but the way I figured it, he was the one who'd fucked up, not me. Throwing away ten years of hustle and hard work over a girl was the stupidest thing he could ever do, and I told him as much last Christmas.
We'd said more to each other in the past five minutes than we had the whole year prior.
His nostrils flared. "Fuck this shit," he muttered under his breath. He yanked his leather jacket off the banister and threw it over his shoulders.
"Gabriel?" My mother was coming into the living room, but Gabe was already out the door.
She whirled in a circle. "What did you do?" she asked me, already frantic.
Heat spread in my belly. I shouldn't have come. I should have sent flowers and stayed away. "Nothing," I spat. "I didn't do a damn thing."
"He can't..." My mother trailed off and I could feel the worry rising off her in waves. Gabe rushing off in anger had her instantly on the alert. The months spent dealing with him after the breakup of the band - getting him sober, getting him off the pills our shithead manager had gotten him hooked on - all that had fallen to my mom because he wasn't ready to listen to his older brother.
But I could try to make him listen now. "Don't worry, Ma. I'll go get him."
I ran out after him, the November chill raising goosebumps on my bare arms. Gabe was at the turn-out where he kept his bike. I shouted for him, but he kicked the motor to life, intentionally drowning me out.
"Hey!" I shouted, breaking out into a run, suddenly ready to tackle him to the ground. Fuck the heart to heart my mom was hoping for. My fists itched for a fight. "Get back here!"
Gabe twisted the throttle and roared out of the drive. "Hey!" I shouted again, this time panicked as I saw the figure picking its way up the gravel. At the last second, Gabe swerved, maneuvering into the ditch that banked the drive and then shooting back across into the road.
"Jesus!" Ruby cried.
I rushed over to her. Gabe had showered gravel in her direction, but she looked less hurt than pissed. "You okay?" I asked, glaring at Gabe's retreating bike.
Ruby leaned down and wiped the dirt off her legs. "Guess you guys still aren't talking, huh? Where the fuck is he going?"
"I was trying to find that out myself." She looked at me and shifted a vase of flowers in her arms, and without thinking I grabbed it. "I got that," I told her. "You coming inside?"
"Yeah, that was the plan," she exhaled.
I looked down at her, all panting and pissed off, and couldn't help myself. "You're late."
Instantly her dark eyes snapped. "Shut up."