"I shouldn't let you in," I said, dancing from side to side, directly in her path.
"Really?" She watched my feet for a moment, then tried to run around me. I blocked her and she huffed in irritation.
I knew I was being a dick, but I was spoiling for a fight. I was working as hard as I could but this was turning into a disaster just like the other night onstage. The tension, Gabe's reaction, the suffocating feeling of being here with no Gid to escape to. I could almost hear boos in my head again.
I wanted to shout at someone until things felt right again, until I was back in control, back on top where I belonged. And since Ruby seemed like she was hell bent on hating me today, she was the likeliest candidate get a win off of. "Can't let you in, sorry!" I jeered, raising the pitch of my voice to match hers.
She put her hands on her hips and glared up at me. "Nope, you're late," I teased, shaking my head.
A wicked glint darkened her eyes. I paused.
I'd never seen that look from her before.
And before I knew what was happening, she was reaching up, her arms around my neck.
"It's okay," she murmured as she yanked me down to her in a fierce, almost aggressive hug. She patted my back. "I know it's hard."
I was too stunned to move, and I almost dropped the vase out of sheer surprise. Her cheek was soft and she smelled like baby powder, and her voice in my ear was like the gentlest kiss. As she hugged me tight, I actually felt myself relaxing for the first time this whole awful day.
Until she patted me again. "Thanks," she jeered, in a low voice that sounded like a mocking impression of mine. "I think I needed that."
And with that she darted around me and into the house.
I stood there reeling, with no idea what the fuck had just happened, but the boos in my head suddenly switched to applause.
Chapter Four
Ruby
My email was up on my classroom computer. Three notes from parents and a faculty wide announcement were all waiting for my responses. But I was just staring at the screen, my finger hovering over my mouse. Frozen in place.
Gid wasn't in the music room right now. I could feel his absence like a missing tooth, and I couldn't keep my mind from probing that aching, empty space. He wasn't there. He wasn't going to be in the break room later with my coffee already poured and ready. He wasn't here in the school with me. He was ashes in an urn.
The last email Gideon has sent me was dated six days ago. And as I read and re-read it, I kept waiting for the tears to come, but they seemed to have all dried up, leaving only that physical ache.
It didn't seem fair that the last note I got from my mentor wasn't even spelled right. I could tell he was dashing it off real quickly, in a hurry to head out and get home. "Gonna be playing the Crown Tavern Sat. If your not busy, come cheer an old man on."
Too much of a hurry. This email was sent the day he died. He never played that show.
Half of me was filled with sorrow to see a ghost in my inbox. The other half was filled with anger that his last words to me were so mundane. He had no idea that he was going to die. It was as much of a surprise to him as it was to all of us that he hit that icy patch on Whalen Station Road. One single car, alone on the highway, wrapped around a telephone pole.
He hadn't hit anyone else, he hadn't hurt anyone's property or anything on his way out, but he did manage to knock out cable for the whole west side of town. He would have like that, I think. More of a fitting tribute than the fussy urn Izzy had picked out.
I clicked on the email and dragged it over to the side, into a folder marked "Save." I never looked through that folder. I just felt comforted knowing that it was there. That my digital memories sat ready for me to run through them, whenever I felt brave enough to venture into them once more. Until then, I'd keep them safe.
A soft knock startled me out of my funk. I looked up to see Madison Keely with her perpetually running nose staring across the top of my desk. Which meant that...
"Good morning," her father said softly.
I sat up straighter, smoothing my hand down my skirt and trying to find my smile.
Luke Keely stood in the doorway, smiling back. His light eyes looked bleary, but his ruddy face was cheerful enough.
He was also wearing a red shirt today. A red shirt to go with his red face. Totally the wrong color for him. I smiled for a moment as Claire's loud, drunken manifesto from our last girls' night played out in my head. And they expect us to dress all cute while most of them have no more fashion sense than a toddler!
Jonah definitely knows how to dress though. That thought popped into my head, buzzing around like an annoying mosquito. I reminded myself that a stylist most likely chose his clothes for him, but there was no denying he wore them well.
Poor Luke. You could tell he didn't have a wife at home to act as a stylist for him.
And the way he acted around me, I could tell he was hoping to change that problem. "Morning Maddy!" I cooed to his daughter. "Could you go hang your stuff in your cubby?"
She nodded, all solemn big eyes. "And let's wipe that nose, okay honey?" I told her, handing her a tissue.
"Right," Luke said, patting his pockets. "I never remember to pack Kleenex. Her mom always had them in her purse because she - "
"It's fine," I said, cutting him off before he could launch into the spiel about his ex. Madison's mother apparently was in league with the Devil himself, to hear Luke tell it. I wasn't exactly sure how to tell him that shit-talking about his ex did not make me eager to accept his offers to take me out for drinks after work.
Luckily Luke was quick on the uptake. "Sorry we're a little early today. Maddy decided that four thirty eight was a good time for us to be up and at 'em."
Maybe other schools, in bigger towns, had closed door policies. Maybe other schools in bigger towns had organized drop-off and pick-up times where parents couldn't just wander into the school at all hours and chat up the teachers. But Crown Creek Primary was not that kind of school.
And I wasn't the kind of teacher who could enforce that sort of discipline anyway. With the students, sure. But not the parents. I related a lot better to kids than these people who were supposed to be my peers.
"You're going to be tired, Maddy!" I said brightly, turning away from Luke. "Are you going to have a good day today?"
"Yes, Miss Riley," she mumbled sleepily.
I turned back to Luke who shrugged helplessly, tugging at my heart. He knew I had a soft spot for his kid. "She's been doing really well in spite of the issues at home," I told him. "You're doing a great job."
The corner of his mouth flicked up. "I'd love to hear more about it," he said with a shy smile. "Over drinks?"
I swallowed. I'd been dancing around the idea of going out with Luke Keely since the school year began. Gideon had called him my "ardent swain." He'd joke about bringing a baseball bat with him, fending off my suitors and I laugh and turn red and remind him that he wasn't my father. And then his eyes would get all soft and he'd remind me that nobody could replace him.
I looked down, blinking at the flood of memories. First my real dad, then my surrogate dad. Life seemed determined to deny me father figures.