I’m startled by a knock at the door. I quickly switch off the movie. No one needs to catch me watching chick flicks at Mom’s. I look out the peephole and see Mindy Morse. She went to school with Caleb and me. I know Caleb has been in love with Mindy since the seventh grade. I’d bet my stock portfolio that the feeling is mutual, but for some reason they have never expressed anything but friendship to each other.
As I open the door, she greets me with a compassionate look. “Jack. How are you?”
“Hey, Mindy. I’m okay. Just clearing through Mom’s things to prep for the sale of the home. You know.” She gives me an understanding smile.
“I heard you were up here going through things. I’ve got the week off for spring break. Could you use a hand today?”
“Thanks. I was just trying to tackle the craft room. Could you use a lifetime’s supply of rubber stamps and scrapbook paper? What about a truckload of yarn?”
“I’m sure I could use some of it in my classroom, but probably not all of it. I can ask at the Bozeman Senior Center and the afterschool program about the rest. Let’s get it boxed up.”
Mindy walks with me back to the craft room. As we pack, we reminisce. “Jack, your mom truly was one of a kind. I remember how she came to sit with me when I sprained my ankle and couldn’t run in a cross country race I had trained so hard for.” A wistful look crosses her face.
“I’m sure she loved being there. She had a way of filling in the blank spaces in people’s lives and hearts. And, you meant a lot to her.” Mindy smiles at me.
It’s obvious we are both fighting tears, but then Mindy brings up a funny memory. “Jack, do you remember when Caleb taped one of those dollar store air horns to the bathroom wall? A bunch of us were over doing homework together that afternoon, and when your mom opened the door the handle hit the air horn so it blared.” Mindy starts giggling at the memory.
“She screamed like someone was trying to kill her! I bet they heard her on the other side of Montana!” Now we’re both cracking up. It feels good to laugh after so much heaviness has been dominating my thoughts.
I know I saw a glimmer in Mindy’s eye when she said my brother’s name. He needs to get into action and pursue her. I’m going to say something when I visit him on the way back to California. Girls like Mindy are rare. I’d hate for Caleb to miss his chance at something real with her.
We finish packing the room and carry the donations out to put them in her trunk. As Mindy drives off, I feel simultaneously lighter and heavier. I’m that much closer to finishing cleaning out the house so it can be put on the market. Every step I take towards that goal solidifies the fact that my mom isn’t coming back. She’s gone and the hole in my soul makes the Mariana Trench look like a thimble.
* * *
On my way back to California, I stop in on Caleb at the fire station. He lives only two hours from Mom’s, right outside of Yellowstone. Caleb serves as a wildland forest firefighter in Montana. On the off-season he gets called out to fires around the state and even around the nation, or sometimes he joins a Hotshot crew. He was made for the job: high-energy, adrenaline junkie, a love for the outdoors, and the ability to foster camaraderie in a team.
As I drive up to the station house, I see why this is the life he chose. It’s gorgeous here. No sooner have I put my car in park than he comes bounding out the door like a Labrador puppy. No bad days for my brother. His energy is contagious – just what I need after packing up Mom’s.
“Jack!” He embraces me in a big hug.
“Hey, Caleb.”
“Come on in, man. Some of the guys are out at one of the towers, but the rest are inside waiting to see you. How’d everything go with Mom’s house? I’m so sorry I couldn’t get time off to be there and help.” He opens the door and leads me into the station house.
“I know how it is for you. It was actually good to be alone and take things bit by bit. No complications. Mindy popped by the last day to help pack up the craft room.”
“Mindy, huh?” Caleb’s eyes get a distant look in them.
“Yes. She misses Mom too. Of course. Who doesn’t?”
“Yeah. We all miss her, Jack. So, what was Mindy doing stopping in?”
“You know her. Asking if she could help in any way.” When I say that, Caleb smiles big, with pride, as if she were already his.
We walk into the kitchen where a few guys are sitting around the dining table and Jared is at the stove. Everyone waves hi to me. Caleb looks at me. “Mindy is about the sweetest thing this side of the Rockies.”
“You might want to tell her that before you are both old and gray. You know that, right?” I nudge him with my elbow.
“I know. I know. What am I supposed to say? Hey, Min. Did you know I’ve been crushing on you since before I got my first pimple, and you know, I live in the woods with a bunch of guys risking my life on a regular basis. How ‘bout we hook up sometime?”
“I don’t know what you’re supposed to say, bro. I do know this. You never stay constant on much, and you’ve been constant on her for nearly your whole life. That’s got to tell you something.” I give him an intentional stare – like the one Dad used to give us when he meant business. Caleb runs his hands through his sandy blonde hair and blows out a sigh.
I know I’ve said my piece – again – so I shift the subject as I look around the kitchen. “So, who’s cooking in the fire station today? This traveler is hungry for some home cooked food.”
“It’s Jared. He makes a mean breakfast burrito. Don’t you Jared?”
Jared stirs something in a skillet. “You got that right. Hey, Jack, glad you could stop by.”
“Hey, Jared. How have you been?”
“You know, the usual, single guy, living on the edge of a forest with a bunch of guys like your crazy brother.” He chuckles.
“That bad, huh?” We share a laugh. It feels good to be with these men who are like family to Caleb.
“Well, I’ve got to hand it to you, Jared. I don’t know if I could maintain my sanity in this testosterone-fest.” A few of the guys at the table make some grunting noises and we all crack up.
Caleb chimes in. “Yeah, Jack needs a desk and all his files in order. Not exactly the qualities we look for when hiring a Hotshot.” I think about how uncomfortable my desk job has gotten lately. He may be right about my need for order, but I feel an itch to pursue something else. I don’t share my thoughts with Caleb. They feel a little too personal and unformed right now.
Caleb was right about one thing. Jared makes a mean breakfast burrito. After we eat, I hang out a bit and then I tell Caleb I need to take off. My drive home will be a little longer since I decided to go out of my way and head down the California coast on the way home. Mom and I took a trip there two years ago when she came to visit me, and I feel a yearning to revisit the spots we enjoyed together. It’s out of my way, but something in me feels like going there will help me hold onto her a little longer.
* * *
I find a bench on the boardwalk where Mom and I took our walks during our visit to this seaside town of Cambria. After watching the ocean for a while, I decide I might as well head to L.A. The drive down the coast is refreshing. I even crack the windows for a while and let the salty breeze whip through the car. Little towns scattered along the shoreline come into view and pass behind me in the rearview mirror.