When I finally make it into bed, I toss and turn all night. Something is going on with Nichole, I just know it, but what? Is she sicker than she’s letting on? No, if something serious was going on she’d tell me, at least I think she would. This last year Nichole has turned into a whole different person I do not recognize. Bringing Jade in, damn near pushing me out the door to cheat on her, seeing Jade as a means to an end instead of a person with real feelings. This is not my wife. Has cancer eaten away something in her? Something vital? Her empathy is seriously flawed, and I hate not knowing what’s really going on with her. Maybe I should take some time off and be around more. With work, I have left her to her own devices. I want to prove to her that despite her beating cancer, I’m still here for her. I always will be.
12
Jade
I’m nervously tapping my foot as I sit in the warm waiting room with Nichole. This morning when I woke up, I didn’t feel any better. I think I spent at least thirty minutes in the bathroom, hurling my guts out. I didn’t even want to eat breakfast, which clued me in that something was definitely wrong with me. Even when I’m sick, I can always eat.
“Will you stop that? You act like they are going to tell you you’re dying,” Nichole whisper-yells. Unlike me, she looks right at home in this fancy waiting area. Her skin looks fresh, her hair perfectly coiled behind her. The cream sweater she is wearing is cashmere, her jeans designer. In fact, she looks so put together, I wouldn’t think she is sick. Grayson texted me this morning letting me know Nichole will take me to my appointment and to be careful because she may have the flu.
“Who knows, they might. I feel like shit,” I mutter and the lady sitting across from us gives me a scathing look. She’s the same lady that looked me up and down with disdain when we first walked in. Sure I could have chosen a better outfit to wear than my AC/DC band t-shirt and ripped jeans, but I didn’t think anyone would care at the doctor’s office on a Saturday. Guess I was wrong. After catching her eyeing my neck tattoo for the hundredth time, I turn my body towards Nichole.
“Language Jade. Cursing is not good for the baby,” she chastises.
“I highly doubt the baby can hear me and that’s even if I’m pregnant. I could be like you and just have the flu.”
“We’ll see,” she murmurs before going back to her magazine.
After what feels like forever, we finally get called back. First, the triage nurse sees us, taking my blood pressure and temperature before handing me a cup to pee in. Lucky for them, I had to pee and I was able to fill it with no problems. Then she leads us to an empty exam room and asks me to change into the gown provided.
“I can leave if you want privacy,” Nichole says and I wave her concern away.
“It doesn’t bother me if you stay,” I tell her before I start to pull my clothes off. My side hurts like hell and I had a nasty bruise from Robert’s psycho fan. I swear the next time I see her, it will take everything in me to not chuck a weight at her. When I look at Nichole, I see she’s gazing at my body and I thought it was my tattoos that had her attention until I notice the finger size bruises on my hips. Blushing, I quickly pull on the gown and tie it.
“Is this weird?” I ask breaking the silence.
“No, at first I thought it would be, but with you, I find it isn’t. When I saw you in the elevator that first day, I knew you were the one. Even though you are the opposite of what others, even my own husband, may have thought we’d choose, I knew better. I haven’t been what my husband needed for a very long time and I was grateful to find you. These marks,” she says, laying her hand on my hips, “are a reminder of how much we were never suited for each other.”
“You talk like you don’t want to be with him, like you don’t love him,” I say.
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do. I love him more than anything in this world. I just know he needs more than me in his life.”
“You know this isn’t permanent, right? Once I push the baby out, I’ll be gone from your lives, and it’ll just be you three.”
I don’t hear her reply or even know if she’s going to answer when the doctor walks in with a smiling nurse trailing behind him. “Ms. Cooper, my name is Doctor Rockford, can you tell me what’s been going on?”
I explained how I’ve been feeling since yesterday evening. He asked all sorts of questions and I tried my best to answer. Having me lay down, he checks over my body, pressing his stethoscope here and there. Then he gives me an exam and takes samples to send off to the lab. When he leaves, he’s only gone for a minute, returning with a clipboard.
“Ms. Cooper, your urine results have come back. Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”
“Oh, wow,” is all I say. Sure that’s the point of all this, what I’ve been working towards, but it’s one thing to try to make it happen then being told it’s actually happening. I feel like those big teeth, white bunnies running around in my head in a panic.
“I’m sorry; I thought this was good news,” the doctor says.
“It is,” Nichole speaks up. “She’s just in shock.”
“I’ll say,” I mutter. “I think Pikachu just zapped me.”
“Nurse Rathers, can you bring in the portable ultrasound machine?” Doctor Rockford says turning to the nurse. She leaves and comes back with a square machine with a screen attached.
“Now, Jade, this will be cold at first and feel funny, but it will be over with quickly. I want to check to see how far along you are.”
“Okay,” I agree, lying back.
I let him do his thing as he sticks a cone looking thingy up my whoha. It was cold at first and then I felt like squirming as he moved it around. Keeping my eye on the screen, I see nothing I can make sense out of, just a black hole until spots of grey start to form.
“There you are, little one,” Doctor Rockford murmurs. “There’s the heart,” he points out and I watch fascinated as the little hole moves, fluttering on the screen. “I’ll say you’re around twelve weeks,” he replies, and I gasp counting the time in my head. That means Grayson got me pregnant the first time he fucked me. Wow, go him and his super egg seeking sperm.
“That’s wonderful news,” Nichole says, beaming, clapping her hands together like an otter.
I’m still in shock as they clean up everything and leave for me to put my clothes back on. When the nurse comes back, she has a bunch of papers in her hands. “You’ll need to make an appointment with your OBGYN as soon as possible. Here’s a prescription for prenatal vitamins. It can be filled at any pharmacy. Congratulations, again.”
I barely hear her. It’s Nichole who takes everything from her and helps me up gently pushing me out the door. I’m freaking pregnant. A little life has been growing inside me for three freaking months now.
“I’m so excited,” Nichole says once we’re back in her SUV. “In fact we should start moving your stuff in the brownstone. There’s no need for you to stay at the hotel now.”
“You mean there’s no need for Grayson to have easy access to me,” I spit out. Her chipper attitude is getting on my nerves.