But not here.
These were real plates and silverware, and Matt’s eggs were almost as fluffy as the stack of pancakes.
Julian tapped Ben’s shoulder. “I wanted you to get some rest and Matt wanted to feed you. We compromised. Everyone wins,” he signed. He stepped forward and grabbed Ben’s chin, tilting his face upward and to each side before releasing him. “Your eye looks better. Is your vision clear enough to read lips?”
Ben nodded.
Julian’s eyes narrowed. “Good. Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold,” he said, no longer signing, likely testing him. Seemed he and Matt hadn’t changed in their style. Julian hadn’t ever been one for wasted words. And it was likely why he preferred to sign or speak, but rarely did both simultaneously. Matt always signed key words as he spoke, just enough for Ben to follow the conversation, regardless of whether he chose to read lips or signs.
Without further prompting, Ben planted his butt in the chair and shoveled a forkful of breakfast into his mouth. He closed his eyes and moaned as the mix of flavors flooded his taste buds. Damn, he missed this. He glanced up when Matt entered his line of sight. He gestured a quick thank-you, then resumed eating. Matt smiled, just as he used to do back then when the residents would attack the food he had cooked for them.
Ben was thankful some things hadn’t changed.
He ate as Matt and Julian cleaned up the remaining items in the kitchen. After eating the food in record time, Ben grabbed his empty glass and stacked his plates, washing them in the sink and handing each item to Matt to dry off. Once finished, Matt slung the towel over his shoulder and leaned back against the counter.
“Shaw and Ryan know you’re here. They’re coming over today.”
Ben shook his head, his hand movements sharp and firm. “I don’t want to see them.” He lowered his head, the fight leaving his body. They had all gone through the same house and had followed the same process. And yet, Ben had been the only one to screw up.
He shook his head again, pleading with Matt.
The hand on his shoulder stopped his protest, drawing his attention. “Stop hiding from them.”
Ben blew out a deep breath, sensing the looming defeat. Matt obviously still had the skills to guilt someone into doing something. It was no wonder Matt had his partner wrapped around his finger.
“You’re not alone and you need to know that.”
He chewed his lip as he looked away. He wanted to believe that, but even his sister hadn’t bothered to visit him inside or respond to any of his texts since his release. People he had called friends had betrayed him. Not once, but twice. To avoid it happening a third time, he had pushed away the two he had called friends during his stay at HH. He didn’t trust his judgment anymore and couldn’t handle serving a third term. In his heart, he was certain he wouldn’t survive it.
Matt squeezed his shoulder. “We’ll go through the job listings later today. We’ve got two other residents living here. They’re at work right now, so you’ll meet them later tonight. I want you to settle in, unpack, and get comfortable before Shaw and Ryan swing by. Okay?”
Ben nodded. “I…” He fisted his hands and looked over Matt’s shoulder, spotting Julian as he reentered the kitchen. Ben glanced back and forth between them. “I don’t want to mess up again.”
“You won’t,” Julian signed. “And you need to start believing that.”
The power of positive thinking was a strong force in this house. Yet another factor that hadn’t changed.
“And we’re here to help you,” Matt added, his hand movements slow and his facial expression warm, punctuating his sincerity.
If Ben was going to start working on his trust issues, then Matt and Julian were the safest bet. He squared his shoulders and nodded, wishing he could trust himself just as easily.
They sat on the back porch bench at Halfway House. The roof shielded them from the blazing afternoon sun, but it did absolutely nothing to guard against the suffocating humidity hovering in the air.
Ben didn’t care. The freedom of being outside, staring at the trees, sun, and grass were enough motivation to tolerate the heat.
He wiped the trickle of sweat rolling down his temple, needing to busy himself with…something. Ryan’s visit had been tough, but they had drifted apart after their time at Halfway House years ago when Ryan had moved up to Broward County. Stopping by had likely been a courtesy and Ben couldn’t blame him. Ryan had moved on and had settled into a new life with a wife and newborn baby.
Shaw was a different story. After the zombie bunny surgery, he and Ben had become fast friends. Shaw and his partner, Drayton, were ridiculously wealthy and often appeared in some magazine or online article because of their innovative automobile company or some philanthropic project. Shaw had gotten him a job at their company and had played a part in helping Ben reconnect with his sister. So much had happened between them and somehow, Ben had screwed that all up. He appreciated the visit, but he didn’t want to feel like an obligation or a burden.
A tap to his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He closed his eyes and sighed. Finally mustering up enough strength, he turned to face his friend.
“Don’t do that,” Shaw signed as he spoke, his hand gestures firm and confident. He had once confided in Ben that his ASL was rough and based on crash course lessons from a prison friend from his own time inside. Shaw understood how to read the signs but didn’t feel confident enough in his own skills to only use ASL to communicate in a conversation. But Ben didn’t worry about missing anything important during their exchanges. Shaw’s lips always shaped his words clearly. He spoke but also signed the critical words of whatever he wanted to say. And if he wasn’t sure of the sign, he fingerspelled the word to ensure his message came through loud and clear.
Ben’s eyebrows twitched. “Do what?”
Shaw shook his head and jabbed his index finger at him. “That,” he said, his lips moved with force as if he had yelled the word.
Ben cringed, the silent yell like a slap to his face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I screwed up. And I’m sorry I didn’t want you to visit me in prison. I know you tried.”
Shaw’s gaze never broke their connection. “I denied Dray’s visits.” He stilled his hands for a moment but maintained the steady eye contact. “If anyone understands why you kept everyone away while inside, it’s me.”
Ben looked away for a moment and chewed on his lip. Blowing out a heavy breath, he returned his attention to his friend and signed, “I was stupid. I messed up.”
“I’m going to tell Julian you said stupid in his house.”
Ben’s eyes rounded as he shook his head. He couldn’t move his hands fast enough. “Don’t—”
“I’m kidding.”
He couldn’t fight the smile that curled his lips as he shoved his friend. He had forgotten how much of a tease Shaw could be.
“You didn’t mess up.”
“I did,” Ben signed. One thing Julian and Matt had drilled into their residents was the need to take ownership and be accountable for their actions. He wouldn’t deny his screw-up had landed him back into a gated hell. “You trusted me. You gave me a job at your company, and I paid you back by getting arrested on my lunch break.”