He enjoyed interacting with people, but that was sometimes a bumpy road. There was only so much typing and texting he could do before the other person found some excuse to give up. Most didn’t know sign language and simply assumed that meant they couldn’t communicate with him while others spoke to him slowly, breaking up each word into syllables the moment he pointed to his lips to indicate he could lipread. They didn’t realize slowing their speech screwed up his attempt at interpreting what they were saying. Lipreading involved more than just reading the movement of the mouth and tongue. It included reading anything from the tiniest of frowns to the exaggerated hand gestures to fill in the words that might not have been clear. And even though he considered himself a skilled lip-reader, he still missed words, especially if he was nervous or anxious or if the sound of the spoken word came from the throat rather than the movement of lips.
But he tried damn hard to understand everyone who took the time to communicate with him. Everyone spoke differently. Even though he couldn’t hear the sounds, he found other ways to listen if someone wanted to talk to him.
Another tap to his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He glanced up at Matt and gave him a tired smile, shrugging in surrender. He didn’t want to be chained to a desk or computer, but at this point, he would work anywhere that would take him if it meant he could call it a night and go to bed. He needed to secure a job or he would return to prison. Being a deodorant company’s sniff tester sounded acceptable if that meant he could stay out of that iron hell.
The flashing light in the corner caught his attention. Warmth bloomed in his chest as he remembered Julian installing the doorbell notification earlier that afternoon. He glanced up at the wall-mounted clock as Julian stepped away, likely to check on who had rung the doorbell. With barely a chance to ponder who might have been at the door, Shaw walked into the kitchen with his partner, Drayton.
After a quick greeting, Drayton handed Matt a folder containing several documents. “Here are the forms to put our company back into the work program. Mia prepared a list of job openings. If we need to find a different department to get Ben back on our staff, please let me know.”
Ben straightened in his seat. He wasn’t sure what shocked him more, the fact that Drayton and Shaw wanted him back at their company, how much Drayton had communicated in a single exchange, or the fact that Drayton had taken the time to learn ASL after Ben’s probation violation.
Julian flattened his hand on the file before Matt had a chance to open it. He glanced over at Ben, his jaw tensing as he clenched his teeth. “No.”
Those lips were easy to read. Ben wanted to protest but followed Julian’s gaze back to Drayton.
“We don’t have a problem re-hiring him,” Drayton signed.
Julian shook his head.
“He didn’t know the car was stolen,” Shaw signed, his hand gestures sharp and rapid.
Julian angled his body, just enough to give Ben a clear view of his lips as he spoke. “Ben needs to learn how to trust his judgment. He didn’t know his friends were using him with his first arrest. He should have known better the second time around. He needs to figure that out on his own. Because no one is going to give a shit about him the third time around. He won’t get forgiveness or understanding. What he’s going to get is ten years or more in prison. You should know better than anyone what ten years in that hell does to someone,” Julian finished, jabbing his finger in the air toward Shaw.
Ben hadn’t missed the way Shaw took a deep breath and a step back. Or the wince in Drayton’s expression he tried to disguise. Ben knew their history, and Shaw’s decade in prison had been torture for them both.
“His need to be nice worries the hell out of me, and that’s what I’m trying to stop from happening,” Julian continued.
At some point in the argument, they had turned their bodies to face each other, abandoning any attempt at signing. Ben’s head throbbed with greater force. He hated this. While Julian hadn’t said the words, the disappointment was evident. Ben looked up and his blood boiled when Shaw and Julian continued to argue, the anger screaming from every inch of their tense bodies.
He didn’t want this friction between the people he cared for.
And he sure as hell didn’t want to be the reason for it.
He slammed his fist against the dining table, stopping the three men and forcing them to turn toward him. He stared at each of them as he signed, his hand movements fast and hard. “I’m right here!” He slapped his hand against his chest. “Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here.”
He pushed the chair back with more force than intended and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room.
Shaw and his partner had decided returning to their company was the best answer while Julian thought working elsewhere was a better option. They were treating him as if he couldn’t make a decision on his own. But the worst part of it all…he was pissed off at himself for understanding both positions and wanting to please everyone.
Ben threw himself on the bed, facedown. If they wanted to continue yelling at each other and act as if he wasn’t capable of making a smart decision for himself, then screw it. They could have that argument without his presence.
He could take care of himself. He had done it for years.
He just wished he could find a way of doing it without screwing things up along the way.
Almost an hour later, Ben’s attention snapped to the door when the lights switched on and off in his room. He sat in his bed and leaned back against the headboard. He gestured with his hand, welcoming Julian into his room.
Julian stepped inside and stood at the side of the bed, waiting.
“Did they leave?”
Julian nodded.
Ben scoffed. “You didn’t need to go there.”
Julian cocked his head and frowned.
“You hurt Shaw by bringing up his time. You hurt Drayton too. That wasn’t nice.”
“I’m not nice,” Julian signed.
“You are. But you weren’t. That was mean.”
“Sometimes I have to be the bad guy. Sometimes I have to say no. Sometimes I have to be the one to stop something I think is going to be worse for everyone in the end.” Julian took a deep breath, his entire body slumping with his exhale. Guess the argument had taken the fight out of him as much as it had for Ben. “I know they want to help. We all do. But working with friends isn’t going to help you. They’ll make it easy for you. And that’s not what you need.”
Ben saw the pain staring back at him from those pale green eyes. “I’m sorry I disappointed you.”
Julian immediately shook his head. “I’m not disappointed.” He scrubbed his face and then pulled his phone from his back pocket.
Ben inched closer when Julian sat next to him and launched the note app, reading as Julian typed.
I’m worried. You have a good heart and there are too many people out there who would take advantage of that. So if I have to be a mean bastard who pisses people off just so you can find your way without losing who you are, then so be it. I’ll be the asshole when it’s necessary.
A smile tugged at Ben’s lips as he signed. “You said asshole.”
Julian narrowed his eyes as Ben muffled a laugh.