I stare at the door, my heart thundering in my chest as the reality of what just happened sinks in.
I sent her away.
I closed off any chance of ever seeing her again. I . . .
My face twists with anguish as I bury my head in my hands, the tears falling like rain through my fingers as the fireplace crackles across the room.
What have I done . . .
Chapter Twenty-Five
I lean on the bannister of the balcony overlooking the small lake behind the castle. It’s always beautiful at night. Dary passes me the bottle of mead and I take a drink, making a sour face.
“This is a strange mix,” I cough, handing it to Mira instead.
She sips the bottle slowly, as if it’s nothing more than water, before passing it back to Dary with a grin. “It tastes fine to me.”
“It’s from the Eastern Isles, isn’t it?” Mira asks. She’d know. Her father has drilled the facts of the family business into her head since she was a child. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons our parents have always been so close; both of them have female heirs.
“It is,” Dary chuckles before taking another swig and smiling at Mira, clearly impressed with her knowledge.
“Do you think we’ll finish the jubilee?”
“I’m not sure there’s time, most of the kingdoms are due back soon.” I glance at Dary, my heart twisting as I realize I’ve lost my entire week with him this year. Mira is getting wed whether she tells Dary what’s in her heart or not, and one day, Dary will be wed as well. These spring visits will be very different when they’re married. No more late-night balcony drinking parties, no more picnics on the knolls surrounding the castle, and I hate that thought.
It’s as if my childhood is leaving me. And while I’m a grown woman, I still very much want to hold onto those parts of myself. The parts that make me me. My friendship with these two has definitely contributed to who I am as a person.
“Yeah, the visiting rulers will have to head back soon. Being away from your people too long is dangerous. Regents get greedy with power, people become accustomed to accepting orders from someone that isn’t their king.”
“Or queen,” Mira corrects.
“Or queen,” he laughs, saluting me with his bottle.
I smile at the two of them, noting how Dary’s eyes sparkle each time he looks at Mira, at how her cheeks flush whenever he catches her looking at him. How have they not put it together, yet?
“I’m sure Izvora is about to leave, at least. Father really pissed off Aeron.”
“He did,” Dary snickers. “But, to be fair, Aeron was incredibly bold with that offer. I’d respect him for it, if it wasn’t for the tantrum that followed.” Dary runs a finger through his long hair and shrugs. “A man is only as good as his ability to take the word ‘No’.”
I blink as his words sink into me. “Thank you,” I murmur.
“For what?”
“For always being kind to me. For not trying to force my hand when we were engaged. I know uniting our kingdoms with a shared heir would have been something historic, and our parents loved the idea as well. You never faltered as my friend, Dary, thank you.” I smile, truly grateful for the friendship we’d found in one another. Not everyone is so lucky as me.
“I didn’t—” Dary clears his throat and shakes his head, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I didn’t do those things for praise. They were the right thing to do.”
“And that’s precisely why you deserve praise, Dary,” Mira points out. “You truly are a good man. You had Taryn at a severe disadvantage, you could have manipulated her to your own ends or flat out refused to dissolve the agreement. Instead, you were kind, and that deserves to be said.”
“Well,” Dary murmurs, blinking as he looks first from Mira then to me. “I’m glad you two think so highly of me.”
I slowly drag my gaze to Mira, watching her reaction. She needs to tell him. Before the lottery.
The lottery.
“How are they going to handle the wedding lottery if the jubilee is basically cancelled?” I ask, tapping my lips.
“Several have already entered. I suppose they’ll pick from those.”
“That hardly seems fair,” I murmur.
“It seems silly to me,” Dary sighs. “I’m sure your parents will pick someone perfect for you, but you should just . . . wait.”
“Wait on what?” Mira asks, her cheeks tinting pink.
“Well—”
“What should she wait on, Dary?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest as I watch the two of them stumble around this topic like drunken toddlers.
Dary coughs, looking away with a shrug. “I know the lottery is a tradition, but it feels . . . forced. Doesn’t it?”
Mira huffs out a breath and pushes away from the bannister, storming past Dary as she disappears into my room. I blink at him, my mouth falling open as I shake my head.
The slam of a door signals Mira’s exit from my room and I narrow my eyes on my other oldest friend. “For all the sugar in your veins, you’re an idiot, Dary.”
“Now you’re mad at me, too?” he hisses. “Weren’t you both just going on about how amazing and sweet and kind I am? What the bloody hell have I done?”
I take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Why have you had an attitude about Mira’s wedding lottery?”
“It seems silly.”
“Don’t lie to me,” I snap. All the anger and hurt I tried to bury from the night before comes flooding back as I watch Dary’s face twist before his eyes lose focus somewhere over my shoulder.
“I just think Mira deserves better.”
“Better like you?” I ask, cocking my eyebrow.
“Taryn—”
“Stop. I understand the problems a relationship between the two of you presents, she said the same thing. All of it. I know.” I hold up my hand, puffing my cheeks out as I consider my words. “Mira is in love with you.”
“She—” Dary’s eyes go wide as he turns around, looking into the room behind him. He turns back to me, raking his hair back as he sputters. “She is? How do you know?”
“She told me. At the jubilee this year, right before I was abducted,” I murmur. “I shouldn’t be betraying her trust, but this seems like an exception to me. She’s going to be married, Dary. Whether or not you think you two can be together, she is going to be married. So, if you have something to say to her, say it while you still can.” I tilt my chin in the air, swiping the bottle of mead from his grasp before I roll my eyes. “Because even princes aren’t immune to jealous husbands.”
Dary scratches nervously behind his ear, his chest rising and falling. “Should I—”
“Give her a few minutes to calm down. You know Mira,” I sigh.
“How did you know?” Dary asks, jumping up to sit on the bannister beside me.
“You two aren’t nearly as discreet in your affections as either of you think you are. It’s painfully obvious. I only noticed recently, but once I did, I realized you’ve been in love with one another for years.”