“Not bad at all, Errol. You still got your stash from the main robbery you did? Did they ever find it?” I asked quietly.
I sank into the lumpy mattress, working to get comfortable. My large frame didn’t fit so well on a single bed. My long legs hung off the end like a man in pants that are too short.
“Nah. Stupid cops. I got that stash waiting for me. I’m all set. Just have to make it through the year and get the fuck out of here.”
“How are you stashing that money? You better be careful in case they raid the cell.”
Errol cackled. “My guy, I got players still in the game on the outside. They’re stashing the money for me.”
I rested my hands behind my head and quizzed him. “How do you know they will keep it for you?”
“Because I have too much on them. If they double-cross me, I will make sure they get ten years apiece. You hear me?”
“Loud and clear.”
“What about you? Are you salty for taking the fall? You could have tattled on the Russians.”
“If I wanted to be shot at point-blank range, that would be a viable option.”
“You got a point there. They aren’t too friendly. I’ve had a few run-ins with them myself. I managed to outsmart them, though. Not so bright, those Russians. Big oafs, really.”
Errol and I had these enlightening prison conversations, and his bank robber stories kept me entertained. I even retained a few ideas from him. I would never forget when he gave me the rundown on prison etiquette when I first came in the cell. I smiled fondly at the memory.
“Number one, never hit the showers on Tuesday morning by yourself. You’re bound to meet a big hunk of burning love in there. There’s a standing arrangement,” he had told me. “Two, stay away from Frankie, Chase, Chester, and Raymond, the prison guards. Don’t test them. Otherwise, they will test you with their batons. Three, get in good with the old-timers. They’ll protect you if they choose to take you under their wing. Four, we got a cigarette run going, so if you need any, just let me know. I’m your man. All the rest, you learn on your own. Godspeed.”
His advice had never steered me wrong.
“It’s all good. When I get out…I got plans for Bella and me. It’s going to be a better life for us both.”
I visualized the trails I had yet to take her on beyond the farm and stopping at the brooks she used to love swimming in. My mother, for all her great qualities, wasn’t the one to do those things with Bella. She would teach her about growing crops and cooking. Bella would be free to roam, though. My mother didn’t hold her kids to her. She didn’t really need to. She knew all the mothers in the neighborhood and their kids. My mother was the quintessential farmer’s wife.
I let my thoughts drift. I ran my mind’s eye over the sensual-looking social worker’s legs. She might have had those pants on, but they were tight enough for me to see what she was working with. I bit my lip as I pictured all the things I could do with her. I was at half-mast just thinking about it. I would be at full mast if I were back home in my own space. Hell, I would indulge that fantasy with her.
That was another thing about being in jail. You had absolutely no privacy whatsoever, so jerking off while your cellmate was right above you was a no-no.
Thing is, I’d seen her before. The more I envisaged her face, the more I realized it. She’d been talking to another young guy a few months back. A visit. I only caught a glimpse of that long, thick ponytail that reminded me of a horse’s tail on the walk out.
A scuffling sound on the floor made me raise my head. I glanced sideways and saw that an envelope had been slid underneath the door. The bed creaked as I reached over and picked it up.
Errol didn’t hear anything, and the incessant humming that he liked to do kept ringing through the cell. I opened the envelope and slid out the paper.
Meet me in the yard tomorrow. Frank.
The vindication I sought was about to be served up on a platter. I hoped Frank would be able to point me in the right direction to Anna’s dealer.
The news had come hard and fast in my fourth year. My mother was on the other end of the line. The warden came past the cell at noon on a stinking hot Merced day.
“You got a phone call, Winters. Your mother is on the line. You got half an hour for the call. C’mon and step out.”
My mama never called. She just came on her regularly scheduled days like clockwork. She always had the same hairstyle: a shaggy salt and pepper bob with bangs that she got cut at the same place all the time. She never complained. My mother was the strong but silent type. She was tall, wispy, and strong. I guessed that’s where I got my height from because Pops was small, wiry, and athletic. They were an odd couple, but they sure as hell knew how to run an abundant farm.
As I walked out, a strange sensation came over me. When I picked up the payphone on the wall, I knew why. I had the phone cord linked around my fingers. Her weeping made it hard for me to talk to her. I hated the thought of my mama in pain. She’d toiled long and hard all her life, and taking over the farm was the least I could do to ease the burden.
“Mama. What’s wrong? Quit crying and tell me.”
“Anna. It’s Anna.” She could barely get the words out as the ugly cries filtered through the other end of the line. “She’s gone.”
My mouth dropped open, and I blinked rapidly, not sure of what I’d just heard. “Come again? Who’s gone? What do you mean, Anna’s gone?”
“She—she couldn’t do it anymore, I guess, son. She overdosed on heroin. I found her with a needle in her arm. Bella was there. I made sure she didn’t see it. I promise you. She didn’t see it. God, Colt, it was awful.”
I slumped down the wall. “No. You’re lying. Tell me you’re lying. Bella…Anna. No, Mama.”
“Son, I’m so sorry.” My mother’s distress and pain vibrated in every syllable that rolled off her tongue.
“What am I going to do?” My face screwed up in agony, and anger ripped through me in a million different ways. My heart broke like shattered glass hitting the floor.
“I have to go. I have to pick Bella up from school. I will see you on Tuesday, and we can talk more then. The police are coming, too. She just couldn’t live without you. You were her anchor.”
“Mama. Please. Stay on the line. Mama. How did she? When did she do this?”
“I didn’t tell you. I thought it best. She was trying to get clean. She tried. She really did.”
Anger, despair, rage, and an acute sense of grief took me over as my mama changed her tone and delivered the final blows. But I knew. I just didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to ask. The sunken black eyes were evident every time Anna came to visit. I saw it in her visible collarbone jutting out on both sides and her shaky, bony fingers. I was just happy to see her and to know that someone was by Bella’s side. Maybe if I’d said something, she could have gotten help. I could have saved her. But I didn’t. I just smiled at her through the perspex glass and gave her a kiss goodbye every time she came. I let her die.
I held on to that in my heart for a long time.
Now I had the chance to set the record straight, once and for all. I had a mission of vengeance for a worthy cause.