Callan sighs. “Yeah. She still won’t forgive me. I finally got her to hear me out, and I thought that once she did, things would go back to the way they were.”
“And they haven’t?”
He laughs. “No.”
“Want to tell me about it? It’s what this place is all about. I’m here to listen while you have your tea.”
Callan wasn’t a fan of talking through his problems and he sure as shit didn’t like sharing his life with others, but he and Colleen had forged a friendship, a bond, from day one and this didn’t feel like an interrogation, it felt good to him. Like she cared and wanted to know more about him, maybe even help him. He also knew he needed to push her on the Teyler issue and figured what better way to get her to share her drama. He’d share his first, even if it wasn’t his favorite thing to do, it’d be worth it in the end.
Callan smiles to himself as he considers how he’s like this small harbor town. They both seem to be growing, going through changes for the better.
Callan nods at his new friend. “Sure, on one condition.”
Colleen raises a questioning brow. “What’s that?”
“I’ll tell you about the drama I survived at Elliot’s picnic if you tell me what’s going on with you.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Teyler Walker is in town. He doesn’t want to be found and needs security. My boss from the city received a call from him the other day. Come on, Coll. I saw the way you watched him play and when he got hurt. I was here when they broadcasted that he was suspected to be returning to a small town that held his past. I see the resemblance between him and Taylor and it’s more than just their names.”
Colleen gives in and nods then grabs her own cup of tea and a piece of her famous fudge that remains a staple in her new store. She plates a few flavors for Callan, too, he has a sweet tooth as bad as hers.
“Thanks. You first?”
Colleen chuckles. “That rule is only for the bedroom. The fact that you know it, makes me further question what Jordan Collins could possibly be thinking.”
Callan throws her a bone after throwing his head back and laughing at that. Then he shares the details of his disastrous day that ended in the case of blue balls he fears he’ll be nursing until Labor Day…or longer.
After he finishes, Colleen laughs and says, “Well, I guess I should offer you an icepack, too.”
“I need it more for my ego than my dick,” Callan admits, shifting his aching dick in his shorts. “She spent the day flirting with those four assholes living there. She threw herself at them in front of Ace and Elliot and made me look like an asshole. She made what we had seem trivial and spent the day writing shit about me in that notebook.”
“Hmm,” Colleen hums. “Sounds like your picnic wasn’t any more fun than mine.”
“Why? What happened with you?” Callan asks and finds himself shocked that he wants to listen to Colleen and cares about what she’s going to say. He’s only ever felt this way about Ace and Elliot. Then sure, Courtney, because he had thought he loved her. And of course, he cares about anything where Jordan is concerned, but…
Colleen huffs in a sigh. “I love Falls Village, but sometimes living in a small town really sucks. Everyone knows your business, your past, and your present. I feel like mine is colliding.”
She reaches for a napkin as she tears up and wipes her eyes.
“Whose ass do I need to kick?”
That makes Colleen smile hard. “You’re a sweet guy, Cal. No one’s just yet.”
Callan finally gets it out of her that while at the James’ picnic, Colleen had run into a few of the guys she’d gone to school with. They were home visiting their families and hadn’t seen her since they had graduated over twenty years ago. They hadn’t known about Taylor, so they had never seen her daughter until earlier today.
“They were total douche bags growing up,” Colleen begins. “And I fell for their shit.”
“What do you mean? People call me a douche all the time.”
Colleen smirks. “You are a douche sometimes.”
“But you love my douchiness.”
Colleen pats Callan’s hand, and he doesn’t flinch away from her touch. “I do. But theirs, not so much.”
“Did they do something to you today?”
“No,” she says. “Actually, they apologized profusely for their behavior when we were younger. It’s just me. I can’t help but reverting to the way I felt when I was younger after being around them. Dr. Hughes is not going to be happy with me when I see him tomorrow.”
Colleen sighs and explains what it feels like to be her.
She can’t remember a time that she felt good about herself. Her self-esteem has been ruined by her weight issues for so long now, that she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to feel comfortable in her own skin. She feels unworthy of love because of her body, not deserving of because of her size and shape.
She knows she might be able to find more happiness in life if she could put her old hang-ups behind her. She knows it’s a climate of understanding and body positive thinking, she’s seen what’s happened to those on social media who have body shamed plus size models, but she wasn’t a model and she wasn’t living in high society. She was a small-town girl who saw herself as fat.
Because of her feelings of being inadequate, she knows she’s been missing out on so much, holding back on a life she desperately wishes she had.
Colleen hasn’t had a romantic relationship in her entire adult life. Hell, she’s barely dated since having her daughter and her sex life consists of a ménage of animals: a rabbit, a butterfly, even a dolphin. The last man she felt cared for by was really only still a boy at the time.
She’s put her life on hold.
At first, she used Taylor as her excuse. She was a young, single mother and her daughter needed all her love and attention. As Taylor started school and made friends that she wanted to spend time with, Colleen found herself spending more and more time alone; she blamed it on her past. She’d been what she likes to think of now as experimental in her younger years, but in honesty, she had been promiscuous. So she then used that as an excuse. She didn’t want her past to come back and bite her in the ass. She needed to be a good role model to her growing daughter.
Now, as she works with Dr. Hughes to come to terms with herself and her body, she knows her reason for putting off living a full life that includes sex and romantic love has more to do with her heart than her body. However, old habits and feelings die hard.
“Being with them, the guys I dated when I was younger and had a different body, brought back a lot of feelings. Them seeing Taylor…”
Colleen sighs, and Callan jumps in.
“I know what it’s like.”
“What?” She laughs at the person who is literally her opposite. Callan is a man. Callan is young and a perfect physical specimen of a human. Callan has no idea what it’s like to be judged by your body, to have people think of you as less intelligent because your hips were big. How could he know what it was like to have people assume you’re lazy because your thighs were almost as thick as their waists?
“What happens to you is the opposite of me,” he explains. “People see how I look, my face and body and assume how I should act and feel. When they see my insides, they judge me differently and make assumptions because of my diagnosis. I have Asperger’s, by the way.”