“You too.”
Michael puts his hand on my shoulder and guides me away. “You know the new director and you didn’t tell me?”
“You seemed more interested in the groupie who was trying to fuck me.”
“Next time you have information like that, maybe interrupt me to tell me? I looked like an idiot.”
I roll my eyes. “You looked fine. It took her a minute to even recognize me, you’re fine.”
Michael stops me in the hallway, and what seems like a rare moment of clarity he’s looking straight at me. “You two have history?”
There’s no way I’m going to delve into the details of my past with Amber with Michael of all people, so I just nod and say, “Enough.”
“Peter,” he says. “This is huge. This show could make or break you. Swear to me. Swear to me that this isn’t going to make you mess it up.”
Everything in my body tenses, and I shove down the sudden, fierce anger that springs up into my chest. “I know how big it is. I’m not an idiot, Michael. Having Amber direct me is pretty far down the list of things that would mess this up.”
He holds up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I just needed to make sure you’re thinking with your head and not your dick.”
“Are you serious right now?” I turn away and walk a few steps before turning back to him. “First, my sex life, outside of groupies assaulting me, is none of your business. Second, the fact that you automatically assume I’m thinking about sleeping with the brand new female director is beyond out of line.”
Michael raises an eyebrow. “I think you’re overreacting a bit.”
“I’m really not. Amber and I have history, and how that history plays out in private is our business. How we will conduct ourselves on set and with regard to the show will be entirely professional. I’m sure she would agree. And if I hear you insinuate otherwise again, I’ll be pissed.”
Michael has been my agent long enough that he knows when I’m serious about something. So he drops his hands and nods. “Okay.” His tone tells me he gets it and that he’ll drop it. “I’ve got to get back to the office. You’re okay with everything?”
“Should be fine. I’ll text if I need something."
He claps me on the shoulder. “Knock ‘em dead.” And then he’s retreating the way we came, cell phone in his hand, already moving on as if I didn’t just tear into him thirty seconds ago. That’s what makes him a great agent. Almost nothing fazes him.
I finish the walk to wardrobe, and I zone out while final adjustments are made for today’s costume. And then I’m in make-up, and I should be going over my lines, but I can’t stop thinking about Amber.
For the last ten years, I’ve never forgotten her. Every girl I ever dated was compared to her, consciously or not. And there was always something missing for me. I never wanted to admit that it was because they weren’t Amber, even if I knew. Because thinking about her was painful, and I thought she was gone. I looked, but I never found her. Turns out we were in the same city, like fate doing me a favor.
I know that Michael has a point, that this is the biggest moment of my career and I shouldn’t mess it up. But I refuse to believe that Amber could mess up anything in my life. And now that she’s back in my life, there’s no way I’m wasting the chance I’ve been given to win her back.
4
Peter
11th Grade
You have got to be kidding me.
I'm standing in the hallway outside the auditorium, looking at a bulletin board that I think might have just changed my life. The cast list for Pride and Prejudice was posted earlier today, and I've been completely avoiding looking at it until now. Half of me both expected and hoped that my name wouldn't be on the list, and half of me hoped that it would be.
The kids in Drama Club were really nice to me on audition day, and Amber is a force of nature. She ran me through the gauntlet of auditioning like it was second nature. I got up on the stage and was shaking like a leaf, but she read lines with me, and it wasn't so bad. I was stiff, awkward, and awful, to be sure, but I imagined it to be way worse. Just the fact that I got a call back the next day was good enough for me. I didn’t think that performance was any better. But it was fun to talk to some people who don't seem like they have the posh attitude of the rest of the school. And to escape thoughts about my mother for a little while. Honestly, that's all I expected.
But now I'm standing in the hallway, and my name is on that piece of paper. Not only is it on the piece of paper, it's next to the role of Mr. Darcy.
That's impossible. I didn’t think my audition had gone that well.
Then I see something else. The line above mine . Another name. Amber Dwyer. Her name is next to the role of Elizabeth.
It feels like my stomach drops a foot. I've only known her for a week, and I already have a crush. She's not like anyone I've ever met. She honestly doesn't care what people think about her, is unafraid to express her opinions, and doesn't hold back about the things that she loves. The fact that she's going to play Elizabeth makes complete sense. She’s a fantastic actress, and really transforms into her character.
But the fact that she's going to play Elizabeth with me is what makes the floor drop out from underneath me. We're going to have to pretend to fall in love, and I have a sensation deep in my gut that tells me it’s going to be way too easy.
I hear a small sound behind me, and turn to find her standing there. She's looking at the floor, hands clasped together, fidgeting. "I haven't seen it yet," she says. "I'm too nervous."
"Why?"
She looks up at me, very intentionally not looking at the list behind me. "Because I love Pride and Prejudice, and I worked really hard for my audition. I mean, just being a part of the production will be great, but this is something I really wanted."
“I'm really sorry that you had to audition with me, then," I say.
"Don't be silly," she says. "You were great."
I shake my head. “I’m not so sure, but thank you.” We stand together in silence for a couple of minutes, and I watch as Amber seems to be working up the courage to look at the list. "You should look," I say.
"I feel sick," she says.
"Do you want me to tell you? Or give you a hint of some kind?"
“No," she shakes her head. "No, I can do it." Taking a deep breath, she steps around me and looks at the list. I watch her go completely still as she sees it. There's a tiny gasp, and she looks at me suddenly. "Am I hallucinating?"
"If you are hallucinating," I say, "then I definitely am, because you deserve that part way more than I do."
Amber ducks her head, but I see the shimmer of tears in her eyes before she does.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah,” she says. "I'm perfect.”
Those butterflies I felt for the first time walking into the auditorium appear again. "I think you're going to be really great," I say. "I really do."