I blink. “He wouldn’t do that without telling me.”
“Are you sure? He’s tied to you right now, and if you can’t get another show, then he’s SOL.”
I know he’s right, but it still pisses me off. “You act as if it would be hard for me to get another show.”
“That’s not what I meant at all. Have you told him you were thinking of coming back to the show?”
“No.” That much is true. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Marty about it, and we definitely need to discuss my options.
“Of course you haven’t.” He shoves a hand through his hair. “What are we doing here?”
I blink. “What?”
“I mean, what does this all mean? Us.”
The fact that I was thinking along the same lines doesn’t matter. I’m in the mood for a fight. Travis and I usually fight to communicate, but lately, we’ve been having so much sex, we haven’t had the time. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“I can’t reach you, Nancy. I feel as if you’re keeping a part of you closed off.”
“That’s ridiculous.” It’s not, but he’s scraping at my emotions and I don’t like that at all. I like to keep all that under wraps because…that’s what Howards do. Oh, crap. But I can’t back down, not right now.
“It’s not. You let me touch you in bed, but if there is no chance of a quick fuck, you keep your distance.”
“I don’t think you could call anything we do in bed as quick.”
I expect at least a smile. I get nothing. Fear races through me but I push it back. I have to.
“Ever since the night of your grandmother’s birthday party, something has been off.”
“I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
His features soften just a bit, and suddenly, I want to hurl myself into his arms. I don’t know why, but I am so close to crying that I’m not sure I can keep it from happening.
“We both have.”
There is a long beat of silence.
“What’s going on, Travis?”
He shifts his weight again, and I know at this point that it has to do with what is on his mind. Whatever it is, he doesn’t want to talk about it.
“I think maybe we need to do something. Maybe get out of town on a trip.”
That was not what I was expecting.
“Josh said—”
“He said to do what you normally do. You usually go on vacation somewhere. Syd and you go do the spa, or the three of us go somewhere.”
That’s true. “I want to avoid the press. If we’re seen together, people will start gossiping.’
“They already are. And it doesn’t matter, really. We tend to take vacations together, so the tabloids wouldn’t pick up on it.”
“Yeah, but Syd usually goes with us. If we went by ourselves, they would notice.”
He studies me for a long moment, the air heavy with tension. “Midge called and wanted to know what the hell was going on.”
His agent. I hadn’t even thought of that, but that’s because my brain is mush. For the last four years, all I have cared about was this show. Even before we got the gig, it was all I could think about.
“And?”
“What can I tell her? You aren’t on the show anymore.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at me. I can read the challenge in his eyes, and I want to surrender. I didn’t want to leave the show, but I didn’t think I could take another season. Now that we’re together, it would be so easy just to accept the contract. There is one thing I have never been and that’s easy.
“And you want an answer? Is that what this is all about?”
Yes, I know it’s a big jump, but talking about not working together anymore makes me sad. I want to tell him that I want to stay. That’s what I’ve been trying to talk to Marty about and that I forgive him. But there is that shadow in the background, hovering over any of my decisions. It makes me even angrier that it was my grandmother who put the doubts in my head. But, as much as I hate to admit it, she usually has my best interests at heart.
“What is all this is about? What are you talking about?’
I know it’s stupid, I know that my grandmother’s nasty whispers aren’t true. I hope they aren’t, but there is that little niggle of doubt that’s leaving my stomach in free fall.
“This,” I say pointing between the two of us. “Us.”
His eyes narrow, confusion marring his expression until the meaning of my words hit him.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? This is what you want to argue about?”
His voice rises with each word he says, and it fuels my anger and fear. I don’t notice anything but the fact that he didn’t deny my accusation.
“Yes. I think it’s something we should talk about. I mean,” I say, knowing in my heart I shouldn’t do this, but knowing that it’s easier to push him away than to watch him walk away, “I shouldn’t be surprised that you jumped at that chance to fuck me to save the show. You know it will fail without me, and once I sign that contract, you will probably be onto the next groupie and leave me in the dust.”
His face goes blank, but his eyes…damn his eyes go hot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry before in my life. And I’ve thrown things at him and purposely sprayed paint on him.
“You think I would do this, that I would start something up with you for the show?”
Every word sounds like it’s wrenched from a deep, dark well of pain. I’m not listening though. That fear is turning to outright panic, and I tend to lash out when that happens.
“It’s the most important thing in the world to you, right?”
He doesn’t say anything for a really long moment. Like there is a good chance that it’s only a few seconds, but it feels like hours.
“Why are you doing this?”
I step back, but he grabs my arm. Not in a threatening way, but it’s like I’m a lifeline for him.
“I’m just stating facts.” That’s a lie and from the look in his eyes, he knows it.
“You’re scared.”
“I am not.” More lies.
He shakes his head and releases me. The look of pity and disgust leaves a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“If you think the show is the most important thing to me, you don’t know me at all.”
I open my mouth, but he turns away from me and stalks away.
“Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“So, I question your motives and you abandon the idea that you’re here to protect me?”
He stops at the door and looks back me. “Security detail has been here over a week. I could have left the day they showed up.”
Then, he slips out the door and I draw in a deep breath. What the hell did I just do? I just started a fight for no reason. Instead of asking him what his intentions are, I accused him. Isn’t that always my way? If I have something good, I blow it up. My friendship with Syd and my show is the only things I haven’t ruined. Well, I did sort of blow up my show, so just Syd and that’s because she’s more stubborn than I am.
I sigh and grab my phone. I can’t call Syd. She’s his sister and while she can be objective, I don’t think I can put her in that spot. I guess I could hit Becca and Everly up. But before I can text them, there’s a knock at the door. No neck Ned, my favorite of the security detail, is there. “Hey, Nancy, there’s a guy here.”