“I’ve been doing exactly that. He just can’t seem to accept that. He thinks I’m a loser.”
“He doesn’t think you’re a loser,” he said. “He just doesn’t know how to relate to you. The service was his life. It’s all he knows.”
“I design fucking ships,” I snapped. “He’s Navy. Shouldn’t that be something we could talk about?”
“One would think, but it’s Dad. I know you two love each other. I’m not sure why you two butt heads so bad, but I think it’s time to bury the hatchets.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think it’s possible. Mom was the mediator. With her gone, I feel like we speak different languages.”
“I’m not home very often. I might not be back on the west coast for another year or longer. Please say you’ll come up.”
I sighed. “Fine. Call me when you are in Oregon and I’ll either drive or fly up for a couple of days. But don’t ask me to stay at the house. I’m not staying at that house.”
“Got it. I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you soon. Answer your damn phone next time.”
I smiled. If he knew why I had been unavailable, I doubted he would be upset. I ended the call, leaving my phone on the counter while I slapped some butter on my toast. I sat down on one of the stools. My muscles were a little stiff. Last night had been amazing and exhausting. I was sure we had only gotten a few hours of sleep.
My body felt used. My muscles were a little sore but relaxed at the same time. She had used and abused me in the best way possible. I regretted nothing, not even the bruised knees. She had been insatiable. Or maybe it was me that was insatiable. Either way, it had been a wild night.
I finished my toast and refilled my coffee cup before going upstairs. I was glad Kade was back stateside. That was always a relief. It was hard to think about him putting his life in danger somewhere far away.
I wanted to see him, but damn, seeing my dad would be difficult. I had never meant for us to drift apart. It just kind of happened. Years of listening to him praise Kade and look at me like a maggot had taken their toll.
It had been tough as a kid growing up in the shadow of my little brother. I used to ask my mother why Dad hated me. She always told me he loved me in his own way. I didn’t know what that way was. I still didn’t. I wasn’t sure I believed her at all. The years of his constant insults that were thinly veiled but very present had made me into the teenager I eventually became.
I could admit I was rebellious. I didn’t jump when he barked an order. I didn’t call him sir. I stayed out too late. I drank and I wrecked two cars before I was eighteen. Every little thing I did to disappoint him only cemented his belief I was a lost cause. Kade was his son. He was the son my dad always wanted. I was the failure in his eyes.
When I decided to go to college, it was the last straw. It was a little ironic that a parent would be pissed that their kid chose college over the military, but that was my dad. I went to school and that was when our relationship really fell apart. He could barely stand to look at me when I did show up for holidays or other special occasions. The tension grew to a point I couldn’t take it anymore.
I chose to avoid him. Then Mom died and there was no reason for me to visit. I didn’t blame Kade for my father’s behavior. Kade was a good guy. He was funny, kind, and I had no reason to dislike him, even if I was convinced my father tried to turn Kade against me. We were brothers and nothing would change that.
We didn’t always see eye to eye, but we were never mean to one another. Kade used to apologize for our father’s behavior, which was unnecessary. It wasn’t his fault our dad was the way he was. I didn’t hate the man, but I sure as hell didn’t particularly like him. We had a strange relationship. It hurt my head to try and figure out why. That was one of those strings I chose not to pull. Pulling on it would unravel decades of hurt.
I preferred to keep my shit buried deep. I liked it nice and repressed. One day, I would probably need therapy, but for now, I chose to ignore those feelings of rejection and isolation. I knew those feelings were why I was the way I was.
I didn’t care. I wasn’t exactly failing at life. I was doing okay being my reclusive self.
Chapter 28
Evie
“Finally!” Nelle said as she rushed around the bar to greet me. “I was beginning to think you fell off the face of the earth. I texted you last night.”
“I know. I went to bed early. I was exhausted.”
She looped her arm around mine and dragged me to my usual seat at the bar. “Tell me everything. Did your dad like him? Did they hit it off and talk all night and leave you out of the conversation?”
“No. The very few words they spoke to each other were rather ugly. They did not hit it off.”
She frowned. “Well, that sucks.”
“You’re telling me. They hate each other.”
She waved a hand and went back behind the bar to pour my usual glass of wine. “Did you smooth things out?”
I rolled my eyes. “There is no smoothing that train wreck out. Turns out, they know each other. Knew each other.”
“Really? How? I can’t imagine your dad hanging out with anyone younger.”
“Xander was in my dad’s class. You should have seen and heard my father. I have never seen him behave so badly. It was ugly. Horrible. I was so embarrassed and pissed at the same time.”
She winced. “That bad?”
“Worse than bad. My dad has forbidden me from seeing Xander. In fact, he said if I have anything to do with him, I can count him out of my life.”
That seemed to surprise her. I was glad it wasn’t just me that was a little floored by my father’s ridiculous reaction to Xander. “Seriously? What did Xander do? Was he one of those pranksters that superglued the chair or something?”
“No, much worse,” I groaned.
She shook her head. “What? What did he do?”
“He was too smart.”
She blinked. “What?”
I nodded. “Yep. Xander was too smart. Too innovative. Too arrogant. Too everything, and my dad didn’t like him. Xander came up with his ship designs when he was in school. He presented them to my dad and my dad shot him down. Xander used the idea for his final grade in the class and my dad failed him. Fortunately, Xander had a solid A and the failing grade didn’t prevent him from passing.”
“Wow. And they still have beef?”
“Apparently. It was not a pleasant scene. Xander ended up storming out of the restaurant before we ever got around to ordering appetizers.”
“Holy shit,” she breathed. “I never saw that coming.”
“Neither did I.”
She waved a hand. “Then what happened?”
“My dad and I had some words and then I went after Xander. I found him at his place, we had dinner, I stayed the night, and yada, yada, yada.”
“This was after your father forbade you from seeing him?”
I slowly nodded before taking a drink from the wineglass. “Yep.”
“Holy shit. Have you talked to your father since then?”