“We need to talk.” I told her.
The little grin took me by surprise. “We are talking.”
I couldn’t help grinning back at her but that faded when I confessed, “The first day of fourth grade, you wore cupcakes.”
It took her a second, her expression going from confused to surprise. “That was before the fort,” she said, then her expression turned to something so much sweeter. “You remember that?”
“I remember a lot.”
Her brows scrunched up, right before she started chewing on that lip again. My eyes drifted down, lingered. “You stepped back because of your father.”
Lifting my eyes, I looked right into hers when I confirmed, “Yeah.”
“What’s changed? Why seek me out? Why not keep me at arm’s length like you’ve been doing for the last three years?”
I didn’t answer right away because the answer hit me as I stood there looking into her green eyes. “What’s changed? I have.” I said. “Not living my life, even if I’m not living the one he has planned for me, gives him power. I’m taking that shit back.”
Her eyes softened before she whispered, “I’ve missed you, Brock.”
“Not as much as I’ve missed you.”
It was instinct when I reached for her hand again. It was so small compared to mine. Her gaze drifted down before a smile spread over her face again. She was my best friend, but I wanted more. I knew she wanted more, too. We’d get there because I was never going back. I was starting over, and this time, I wasn’t letting Cedar go. No fucking way.
Declan found me at the garage. He leaned up against the car, crossed his arms. “You good?”
“He’s an asshole.”
Declan picked up a wrench, flipped it around in his hands. “They both are but then they’re worth a fortune and that kind of reward doesn’t come without some sacrifices.”
I glanced at Declan. I wouldn’t call their blood money a reward. Kenneth and Dustin manipulated to get what they wanted and could because they had the money to back them. It wasn’t anything to be proud of. It was more a source of shame. “To keep on top, they have to make some questionable calls, but at least your dad has the conviction to follow through. Dustin is a pussy,” Declan said, then quickly added when he saw the hard look I was giving him, “Not that abusing you is acceptable. That shit is just wrong.” He put the wrench back. “So, you leaving then, following your girl?”
I answered without thought. “Yeah.” Then changed the subject because I didn’t want to share my plans with Declan. “What’s going on with you?”
Declan grinned, almost like he had a secret. “Got me a new piece,” he said, leaning in. “She’s fucking hot. A wild cat in the sack.”
Declan had a new piece every other week. Talking about his most recent conquest wasn’t an improvement in the conversation.
“I think she might be the one.”
I stopped working. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, I mean she comes with baggage, but yeah, I think I fucking love her.”
I wasn’t sure Declan was capable of love, but I said, “Congrats, man.”
“Thanks.” He dropped a hand on my shoulder and added, “It’ll all work out.” He strolled from the garage; I watched him go, unable to shake the sensation that there was more to that conversation.
Chapter Five
Cedar
Brock’s father had hit him, again. Seeing his back, I know he used a belt because I saw the imprint of the buckle on his skin. And not just once, he’d hit him repeatedly. I’d always hated the man, but that hate grew.
Brock had left home. It was for the best, the best for him. Over the years, I wanted to believe it had gotten better. Even knowing, deep down, it hadn’t. I felt like I failed him, even though he was the one to push me away. Would his dad give up so easily now that Brock was reaching the age where he would be of value to his father? I didn’t think so, but this time, I wasn’t going to let Brock pull away from me. We were better together than apart. Whatever it took, we’d find our way through whatever lay ahead.
He remembered what I wore in the beginning of the fourth grade, before we met in the fort. He’d never told me that. I wondered why. But then I never told him I remembered him too. He’d been new to town: quiet and unassuming. Unlike now, he didn’t draw attention, but he had drawn mine. I think I knew, even from the very beginning, that my life was meant to include him. We’d lost our way for a bit, but maybe we were finding our way back.
Entering independent study, I didn’t see anyone but Brock. He turned, saw me and smiled, before he stood and waited for me to join him. When I reached him, he took my hand, brought it to his lips and kissed my palm. He’d been my best friend, my family, and now I wanted the rest. I wanted him. It was stupid to deny it, particularly when I could see he wanted that too.
“Saved you a seat,” he whispered.
“Sit with us, Brock,” Sarah called.
He didn’t even look at her when he said, “Nahh, not really into sheep.”
I couldn’t help the grin.
“Shall we?”
I didn’t pull out my notebook, didn’t think about my designs. I spent the period staring at Brock while he stared back.
After school, he was waiting for me at my locker. In silence, I grabbed my stuff and walked outside with him. Reaching his car, he held the door for me. We drove just outside of town where open fields reached to the horizon. He pulled to the side of the road and looked over at me. “Do you remember?”
“Our spot up that hill? Yeah.”
He waited for me at the front of his car. We walked up the hill to the tree. I hadn’t been here since we stopped hanging out. It hurt too much. The tree was thriving, which made me happy. The large oak’s leaves were turning yellow, its branches reaching out to the sun. We used to bring food and spend the entire day, losing track of time and only knowing we had to go home when the sun went down.
We rested up against the thick trunk. It was like we’d never left. “Talk to me, Brock,” I said, turning my head to look into those gray eyes. “How bad has it been for you?”
“It’s gotten worse recently.” He turned his focus to the horizon. “I think he’s into some bad shit.”
It didn’t surprise me. It made me scared, but not surprised. “Why do you say that?”
“He’s been more on edge, drinking more. I don’t think it’s just his usual. I think there’s more.” He looked back at me. “I think he’s made some calls that are coming back to bite him in the ass.”