Magnum runs his hands through his copper hair and doesn’t make eye contact with any of us, and especially not me.
Fuck. “What happened to him? The guy.” I force out.
Mag shrugs. “It depends on how badly you fail the tests. Some are sent away. Some are coaxed into leaving, and others are just taken out,” he says slowly, putting emphasis on each word like it’s a stab to my gut. “They end that way because the recruit realizes in the middle of initiation that they really didn’t want it. If they try to leave, they’re killed. If they try to defect with help of a rival gang in exchange for secrets, they’re tortured and then killed.”
“Your cousin defected...”
Mag scratches his unruly scruff. He hasn’t shaved in a couple of days and it’s obvious. Then again, who has time to groom when bombs are going off and you’re getting shot at? “They couldn’t find him. That’s the only reason he’s still alive. But I assure you, the only people who try to initiate and don’t make it, stick around because they busted their fucking asses and just came up short. If you’re weak, they discard you anyway. If you try to get out, you’re dead. Brawler can’t go back now.” Magnum looks over at the tattooed giant. The fighter’s body is bigger than his own by mass, but Magnum is the one who’s been around the block a few times. “I wish you’d said something. Manning wouldn’t have wanted this for you.”
Brawler narrows his gaze at Mag. “What would you know about it?”
Mag shrugs. “I initiated in with him.”
For a few moments, silence descends over the room like putrid smoke. Brawler’s nostrils flare. If any of us try to break the tension, I’m afraid he’ll just end up losing it.
“Like you said,” Brawler starts. “What’s done is done. I will not fucking apologize. I’ve got two Crew guys standing in front of me right now, I’m sure both of you can give me some tips, and together, we can figure out how the fight between Kyla and me has to go down.”
Magnum reaches out to squeeze Brawler’s shoulder. “I’m here for you.”
Oscar and I exchange glances. Red blotches reach up his neck. “We’ll figure this shit out because we have to. None of us missed the fact that Kyla is on K’s radar. He put her up against Brawler and made it into one of his initiation tasks. He wants to see her get hurt.”
“It’s Johnny’s reaction to her,” Mag says. “Johnny suddenly has more loyalty to her than him, and he’s furious about it.”
“We need to smooth things over with him before he decides to just take Kyla out. Fuck what Johnny wants. K will just kill her. In his mind, Johnny will find someone else. You know he doesn’t give a fuck about women. He never has.”
Brawler falls back onto the couch. “He won’t let it go? Not even for Johnny?”
“Johnny is everything to him,” Mag answers. “But this has everything to do with the Crew, and there’s family dynamics at play here, too.”
He killed his wife for leaving, so he won’t think twice about taking me out. Johnny and Mag know that as well as me. Until Johnny comes clean about the secret he told Magnum, I’ll keep that piece of information I’m not supposed to know to myself. However, with the way Magnum is looking at me, I know he’s thinking the same thing. I’m nothing to K compared to his wife. Presumably, he must have loved her at one time.
I’m just as dispensable as any of the guys sitting around his table. Perhaps even more so because I have tits and a vag. I get sick during big boy discussions. I can’t even control myself around his son, tempting him to the dark side with pussy.
There’s no way around it. K’s gunning for me. I don’t fit into his plans for the Crew. Not when I’m a distraction.
“I have to head back to my place,” I tell them. I need to be there when Johnny gets out of his extra meeting turned physical abuse session.
I sneak past Magnum, but don’t make it any further.
“Hey,” a chorus of voices call out.
Strong, tan hands snake around me from behind. Oscar’s smell engulfs me. The lithe, taut feel of his body presses against my back. “I was so worried,” he whispers. “Don’t do that to me again.”
I turn around in his arms, allowing him to make me feel safe for a brief moment before I pop up on my tiptoes to give him a solid kiss on his mouth. “I’ll try.”
Brawler’s next. A broken man stares back at me as soon as Oscar steps away. I make the first move. I wrap my arms around his big shoulders and kiss the light angel on the side of his neck. “We’ll get through this,” I tell him.
“You don’t hate me?”
I take his face in my hands, making sure he’s looking at me when I say, “I could never hate you. I did think about strangling you though.”
He slips into a small smile. “I did it for you.”
“I know,” I tell him, swallowing down the bile that accompanies that thought. I never want someone to risk their life for me.
He pulls me up to meet his lips, turning the kiss deeper as soon as our mouths press together. Liquid heat fills me. I’d love nothing more than to sit back with these three and comfort one another about the tasks we have in front of us, but I need to make sure Johnny’s okay before we do any of that.
Brawler sets me on my feet. He holds me steady before I turn to find Mag waiting for me. “Jacob...”
Tension leaves his body like a heavy rain washed away all the negativity. He pulls me close and presses a kiss to my forehead. “We’re all here for him,” he whispers. “Make sure he knows that.”
I nod, and he tilts my chin up to press a chaste kiss to my mouth. Our lips linger together, just touching without going further. A tease. A promise.
“I’ll tell him,” I say, and then I squeeze his hand and walk from his place.
I can’t keep doing this me and Johnny life versus the me, Brawler, Mag, and Oscar life. The part Johnny doesn’t know is that he’s already involved in the other half.
There’s a spot for him. He only has to take it.
19
The elevator opens as I sneak across to my room. I stop in the middle of the hall, peering up as Johnny storms out. His wild hair a halo around his head. He’s disheveled, the collar on his shirt stretched out, and murder radiates from his eyes.
“Where’s Brawler?” he demands. “Is he in here?” he asks, pointing toward Mag’s apartment. “There?” he asks, moving an accusing finger to my door.
I step in front of him, terror seizing me as I gape at his appearance. “Are you okay?”
I twist his face back and forth to see if he’s hurt again, but Johnny wrenches his face from my grip. “I’m fine.”
The door opens behind me, and Johnny gently moves me out of the way to step up to Mag. “Is Brawler in there?”
He doesn’t leave Mag enough time to answer. He elbows him out of the way and strides into the room. Mag follows after, and I’m right on his heels. When I get in, Johnny has Brawler pushed against the side of the couch, leaning over him, his face a mask of torture and anger that pains me. “If you hurt her, I will kill you. Do you understand me? I will fucking kill you.”