“Sometimes the truth is the hardest,” Johnny says.
I nod knowingly. The truth can hurt worse than lies sometimes. I swallow because what I want to tell Johnny right now could rip him from me. He’s only known allegiance to his father and the Crew, but he has to see that he can’t live like that anymore. “My truth is… I think you deserve better than your father.”
Johnny’s body locks up as if he’s a mechanical part in a working cog that’s frozen in place, refusing to work. Slowly yet surely, he relaxes, and with each breath he takes toward deflating, my heart rate returns to normal. “That’s my truth, too,” he admits.
The pain in his eyes is very real. “My father is my everything, Kyla. I understand it took a lot for you to say that to me. You feared how I would react, and you have every reason to. People have died for lesser infractions.” He pauses for a moment. “I didn’t see it until you. I thought my life was one gang problem to the next. An endless succession of things that needed to be fixed for the good of the Crew. You showed me something different. You showed me what life could be like. You showed me what love is supposed to be.” His lip trembles, and he bites down on it like he can’t stand for me to see the vulnerable side of him. Little does he know I want to see all his parts. The vulnerable part of him only makes me believe he can be saved. That he deserves it, and that I would do anything to give that to him. “Going against my father upheaves everything I’ve ever been taught. It feels so wrong in here, Kyla,” he says, pulling his other hand up to his chest, placing his palm over his heart. “My head is telling me one thing, but my heart is telling me another.” He licks his lips. “My head is whispering traitor. Traitors get gutted. Traitors don’t deserve to live. It’s only my heart that says anything differently.”
I kiss his knuckles again. “I think you should listen to your heart more often.”
He shakes his head. “My father...” He clears his throat and starts again. “My father...I know he acts tough, but if he ever heard the words I just said, it would be like stabbing him in the heart. He’s wanted me by his side since I was a little kid. It’s all he’s ever talked about.” He glances over. “You sure you don’t want to leave? I can’t get out Kyla. It would kill him, but you can.”
I bring his hand to my lap and stroke my fingers up and down his arm. “I’m never changing my mind about that, Johnny Marx, so you can stop asking. When you’re ready to leave, I’m ready to leave.”
“There’s no saving me. I see it in your eyes. I know that’s why you want me to work with your friends. I’ve done too much fucked up shit. The only life I’ll know is this.”
“I refuse to believe it.”
He gives a quick shake of his head. “This is my life.”
“The gang itself isn’t all bad,” I tell him, trying to reason. “Maybe you could make it better. Maybe you could...”
He’s already waving my thoughts away. “He’s ruined me.”
“Fuck that,” I growl. “You’re not giving up.”
Johnny wraps his hand around the back of my neck, squeezing a little. It doesn’t hurt. In fact, it does the opposite. I lick my lips as need burns through me.
“My father has shit on me. He has shit on everyone in the Crew. That’s why no one gets away, Kyla.”
“You could change it.”
“He’d have to die, and that’s not happening. He’s the most protected man in the Heights, and he’s still my father. Family has to mean something.”
I worry over my lip and cuddle in next to him. He lifts his arm so I can get closer, even though I’m careful not to touch his bruised ribs.
In a way, I understand what he’s saying. I would do anything for my family. Hell, I am doing anything for my family. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m making amends. I’m getting them justice.
As far as Johnny’s concerned, he’s doing the same. He’ll stick with his father until his father does something irredeemable. Something Johnny won’t be able to look past. Not even a black eye and some bruised ribs can convince him, so I don’t know what it will take to get him to see that Kingston Marx is not his family. Family doesn’t treat each other like that.
Somewhere deep inside, I think he knows that. But maybe like I think Johnny can be saved, he thinks his father can, too.
I lay my head on his shoulder, knowing K will never get that far. Even if he could, I’m not allowing him the chance. Just like he didn’t give my parents.
20
The next morning, Johnny and I discuss my return to school as we sit on the couch after breakfast. We decide I should wait until after the fight is over. It’s only another week, and I can keep up with my studies through the online schooling anyway, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. Somehow, schooling just doesn’t seem as important when bombs are going off and bullets are whizzing over my head.
Instead, we decide it’s more important that I train with Jax and Finn while he calls a meeting with the Candy’s workers to get that up and running as a nightclub facility again. “Be careful,” Johnny tells me, squeezing my fingers. “Call me if something happens. Anything. I want to know about it.”
“Don’t worry,” I tell him, knowing he has a bunch of shit on his plate. “Do what you have to do. Mag, Brawler, and Oscar will be there with me. Not to mention Finn and Jax. I’ll be surrounded by a bunch of badasses.”
Johnny smiles, shaking his head in disbelief. “How you got so many people on your side in such a short amount of time is mind-blowing. Finn jumped at the chance to see you when you were away you know.”
I give him a teasing smile. “I’m just that good, I guess.”
He reaches his hand around to cup my ass over my tight training pants, bringing me close to him in a possessive move. “Mmm, that you are.” He bites my earlobe and gives it a playful tug.
My breath whooshes out of my chest. Now that Johnny and I have taken our relationship to the next step, I can’t stop thinking about it. “Keep that up, and neither one of us is going anywhere for another hour or so.”
Chuckling, he kisses a trail down my neck, nuzzling me and breathing me in. He pauses before trailing his lips over my sports bra straps until he hits my collarbone. “I don’t know. I think I should send you off with something.”
As amazing as that sounds… “Magnum will be here any minute.”
He cuts my excuse off, placing his hand between my legs where he strokes me through my pants. I buck into his grip. “Magnum can wait,” he breathes. He pulls my shirt over my head, then unclasps my sports bra in the back, pulling the cups away until I’m bare before him. He stares at me in wonder, his finger still igniting the fire inside me as he passes it over my inseam. He leans over, sucking my nipple into his hot mouth. He sucks and tortures it with his tongue until breathy moans escape me.
Johnny bypasses my pants and panties, sneaking his hand inside to find me wet, easily pushing a finger between my folds.
My pussy involuntarily clenches around him, and he curses. With his free hand, he pulls my pants and panties down, then leans me back onto the couch cushion as he spreads my knees, opening me to him. He watches me as he pushes his finger inside again and again, and I drop my head back to the leather. “I’m going to taste you until you cream in my mouth.” He crooks his finger, and I buck off the leather, searching for him.