The truth is, I can’t lie to another guy I like. I can’t sit here and tell him I care for him and then hold back the reason why I’m here. I can’t do that to Magnum like I did with the others, and there’s no way in hell I can tell Magnum the truth. He works for the Crew. He’s literally trained to take out threats, and I’m going to be K’s biggest one.
Magnum loosens his hold on me. “I guess I misread...everything.”
I watch as he slowly pulls his hands away from me. My heart breaks inside. Motherfucking shit! “Don’t.”
I bite my lip at the word that just forced itself out. Fuck me sideways. I literally have no restraint at all. It’s not my fault. A life filled with love is in my grasp, and I just can’t fucking let it walk away. Sure, some people might not understand me, but if they lived life in my shoes, they’d get it. They’d understand the longing for something that was ripped away. I want it back, but I want it ten thousand times greater. I want it to knock me off my feet. I want to be swept away because only that will make what I’ve gone through worth it.
I lay my hand on his to stop it from retreating. I close my eyes. “I made a mistake with Oscar and Brawler.” Johnny, too, I think, as I lick my parched lips. Though that one was far more unavoidable. “One I don’t want to make with you.”
His fingers tighten on me, bunching my jeans in his grip.
“I’m keeping something from you.” I have to force the words out like I haven’t spoken in ages. In all honesty, I haven’t, really. I haven’t had a friend. A lover. No one for six weeks. “I can’t tell you what it is, and I’m not sorry about it either.” What I’m doing is risky. Maybe. I hope not. Gang ties are deep. They’re supposed to be everlasting, and I’m here mixing things up. Asking them to trust me and not the institution they grew up in.
Magnum does that thing with his gaze that makes my insides display like an open book. “You don’t think I see you?”
My lips part. Nerves skitter over my skin.
“I see the real you,” Magnum says. His words set fire to my heart. Or deeper. My soul. I want to lay everything bare, and at the hint that he might see the real me, I’m lost. “I know you’re hiding something.” He swallows, looking away briefly before finding my gaze again. “You came to the Heights for a reason, and I get that it means more to you than you ever let on. I’m here for you.” He tightens his grip on my jeans again as if he’s holding on for dear life. “I’m too fucking greedy to stand by and watch anymore. You want to know what I see when I look at you? Someone who’s trying to save everybody. Even herself. I thought you were playing with Johnny at first, but I realized quickly you weren’t. You like him. You like his messed-up parts. You want to show him a better life the same way you want to help Oscar and Brawler too.”
My eyes itch. Tears work their way to the surface, but I refuse to acknowledge them. “Johnny’s going to hate me when he finds out.”
All the fears I’ve had over the last several weeks rise to the surface like I’m on a rogue wave about to crash. I’m going to hurt him. I’ve wanted to help him, but I might even send him further into a downward spiral of hate he won’t be able to recover from.
“Johnny’s...” Magnum pauses, his throat working. “I told you he’d burn down the world for you once. Do you remember?”
I nod as the first tear falls. Magnum reaches out, smearing it over my cheek before it runs down my face.
“I think you’re the only one who could make him see.”
One by one, he catches the tears with his thumbs, flicking them away. It’s been a long time since I’ve cried. It’s an emotion I hold back because it’s weak. A display that symbolizes how completely overwhelmed I am.
“You just have to show him. We all do.”
My heart skips a beat as Magnum leans in. He licks a tear from my face, then rests his lips against my skin. Not doing anything more, just staying connected.
I like the sound of what he’s said. In fact, I love it so fucking much. Magnum cares for Johnny. I’m not sure I would’ve received the same reaction if I’d said those words to Brawler and Oscar, but Magnum has an understanding of him I’m not sure many do. Maybe he sees what I do.
His eyelashes flutter over my skin as the chaste press of his lips turns into more. He trails his bottom lip over my jawline until he reaches the sensitive spot behind my ear. He closes his mouth over my skin, kissing a trail down my neck that has my core tightening.
“I see you,” Magnum breathes. He kisses my collarbone. “I know you.” He presses his hand to the center of my chest. “This right here is all you need to know about anyone.”
God-fucking-damnit, I’m a goner. As if I had a choice in the matter. Feelings don’t work like that.
His lips linger on my collarbone before he pulls away, situating me in his lap with his strong arms around my waist.
I glance at the divider securely in place, my heart thumping so hard it thrums at my wrists. Thankfully, we’re alone back here.
Magnum presses a kiss to my shoulder. “How’s your neck?” He pulls my collar down, and my neck heats at his inspection.
“Better,” I tell him, moving back to rest my head on his shoulder. “I had electrical therapy today.”
I turn to the side to look at him, and he lifts his brows. “Does that even work?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.” I smile. “The doctors tell me I’m healing perfectly, but they know I want to get back into fighting, so they’re doing everything they can to heal me until I’m brand new.”
He closes his eyes for a brief moment, and the guilt coloring his features is unmistakable.
The car hangs a left, and Magnum holds onto me tighter. “Where are we going?” I ask, peeking out the tinted window.
“You’re headed back to the Heights to continue on as normal.”
Just the way he emphasizes you’re makes me hesitant. “And everyone else?”
“I haven’t seen Brawler since that night. Oscar, I’ve seen a few times, mostly when the Crew was discussing how to get you back.”
I’m sensing he led with the easy parts first. “Johnny?” I ask.
He breathes, and his chest expands underneath me. “He’s hanging on by a thread.” Magnum kisses my neck as if that will soften the blow. “K wants him to stay in Chicago where they’ve been holed up, but he’s adamant he’s coming back to the Heights.”
“They’ve been in Chicago?”
“They left that night.” Magnum rests his chin on my shoulder, his scruff pricking my skin. “He arranged everything from there, talking to the Crew here via video conferencing.”
“So, he won’t be in the Heights when we get back?”
Magnum shrugs. “It depends on who won. Johnny or his father.” The usual steady bodyguard shifts underneath me. I turn my head and catch uncertainty in his gaze. He looks over. “K’s not used to having something as important as the Crew vie for Johnny’s attention.”
A smug smirk threatens to come out, but I hold it back. “Let me guess, Big Daddy K isn’t happy?”