The laptop is placed gently on the floor, and the papers neatly stacked beside it. He doesn’t dare to move Marthe. It’s not his place. Not his child.
There is only a small space next to Jens, just enough for Axel to crawl under the covers and rest his head against Jens’ chest, which doesn’t even startle him. He just groans gently in his sleep and wraps his arms around Axel. Nudges his hips slightly to the side so they fit. Legs all tangled up. Hands and arms and lips. Soft kisses on Jens’ cheek.
Axel knows he shouldn’t be here. But there is nowhere else he would rather be.
Sommerfeldt apartment, Skøyen, Oslo
Thursday morning
Jens wakes him up with kisses, just soft little pecks on the top of his head. Fingers tracing his jawline and tipping his chin up so that his lips can get kissed too. Just quietly. Softly and gently. Whispering that Axel should stay in bed a little longer because it’s really early and Jens is only getting up so he can catch his flight.
Oh yes. Axel’s brain is catching up. Fast. He is on babysitting duty.
“I will miss you. I will miss you so much.” He whispers into Jens’ chest.
“It’s only one night baby and I am so grateful that you are here with the kids, so I won’t worry about them. I have never left them alone before, not since Sofie passed away. I haven’t been away from them, so it will be strange for me too. And I will miss you. I love that you came here last night even though you said you wouldn’t. It was a lovely surprise to wake up with you in my arms.”
“Sorry. I just needed you last night. A few beers apparently turn me into a lovesick puppy or something. Paulina was laughing at me when I said I needed to go home and cuddle you. They all know I am a hopeless softie now. And that I love you. I might have spent the whole night talking about you and how gorgeous you are.”
Jens laughs softly. “You tell all of Norway how lovely I am every week on your blog.”
“You shouldn’t read my crazy ramblings. It’s embarrassing. It all seems a like a good idea when I write it, then I post it and people go all crazy on me. I need to start to censor myself a little.”
“What do you mean crazy on you? Should I be worried?”
“Nah, just things like, we had an invite to go on Good Morning Norway. They wanted the two of us to come and talk about our relationship on morning TV.”
“Fuck no. Why would they want that?”
“That’s what I thought. I said no. I’m not dragging you and the kids through that. Malena would die of shame.”
“She would never speak to me again and move out the same day.”
They both smile. Kiss again. Jens’ body leaning over Axel’s, letting his chest press him down on the bed.
“I need to get up. I’m sorry. I would much rather stay here in bed with you.”
“I know.” Axel replies. “Me too.”
He does know. Somehow Axel wishes that they could have this sometimes. Just being able to wake up and lie in bed and make out. Talk. Without the children asleep in the bed with them. All he wants is to pull Jens’ trousers down and let his cock slip into his mouth. He wants Jens to jerk him off. Fuck it, he would love Jens to actually fuck him. Here and now. Hard. Fast and dirty. He would love to let Jens take him away, let his mind switch off and just let himself feel, let his body go and just let himself be loved. Touched until his mind goes blank and nothing matters but Jens. It's becoming addictive, thinking about Jens. Thinking about sex with Jens.
Instead Marthe crawls up and lets her arms wrap around Axel’s neck and mutters something in her sleep. He wraps his arm around her and lets her settle back into his chest while Jens is hopping around on one leg trying to put his sock on.
“Axel?” Mikki sits bolt upright in bed. Axel hadn’t even noticed him tucked under the duvet.
“Hi, Mikki.” Axel replies.
“Is it time for breakfast?”
“It’s a bit early, Mikki. You can sleep a little longer if you want.”
“Pappa Axel.” Marthe squeals. “Kissy-kissy, Pappa Axel.” She is wide awake trying to sit up on Axel’s chest while Mikki starts pulling at Axel’s arm. All while Jens laughs softly and Axel is a little bit in shock. Pappa Axel? That’s a new one.
“Pappa Axel?” He says, letting himself giggle as Jens shakes his head and leans over to give him a kiss.
“I love it.” Jens whispers. “Pappa Axel.”
“Axel, I’m awake now so I need breakfast. I want cereal today. With chocolate milk. I don’t want bananas. I don’t like bananas. Bananas are yuk.”
“Not banana.” Marthe echoes. “Banana yuk.”
“Marthe, you love bananas. Don’t be silly.” Jens sounds stern but Axel can see his eyes twinkling and hear the laughter in his voice. “I love you.” He mouths at Axel while buttoning up his shirt, while Axel sits there with a silly smile on his face. Pappa Axel.
“Pappa big poo-poo Pappa.” Marthe scrunches her face up. “Poo Pappa Axel.”
Axel gets up. He decides it’s the best option.
He does get death stares from Malena when she finds him in the kitchen pouring milk into glasses and loading some strange Disney-branded cereal into a bowl for Mikki. Slicing bananas onto a plate for Marthe, and handing Malena a cup of coffee before she can start to protest.
“I know I promised that I wouldn’t be here this morning, Malena. I know I said I would give you space. I am an idiot. I got a bit drunk last night and couldn’t stay away, I just missed your Pappa too much.”
“You are an idiot. I mean, anyone who is madly in love with my Pappa must be an idiot.”
“I am an idiot. I fully agree. You are allowed to be disappointed in me today. You are allowed to be pissed off. I would be pissed off at me too.”
“I’ll live.” Malena snarls, taking a sip of the coffee. “Are you dropping the kids at nursery then? You know where to go?”
“Yes. I should be fine. Then I’ll come back here and tidy up and then I’ll go home. I will be back for Mikki and Marthe and bring them back and cook dinner. If I get some salmon and grill it, would you guys eat that?”
Malena shrugs her shoulders. “If it comes with pasta, we should.”
“Cool.”
Jens leaves and Axel dies a little on the inside as he tries his hardest not to cry. Because this is hard. This is a lot of responsibility, and even though he knows what he is supposed to be doing, actually getting Mikki to cooperate in the ‘getting dressed’ game is proving harder than he thought, and Marthe will just have to go to nursery in her pyjamas because he just hasn’t got time to actually dress her. And anyway, she is a baby and the pyjamas is cute. She looks fine. So, he wrangles a pair of socks on her and puts her trainers on and almost gets her into the back-pack carrier without dropping her on her head. Almost. He hopes she is strapped in right and that he won’t lose her halfway to nursery.
He puts his hat on his head. Wallet in his pocket. Phone in his hand. Baby on his back. Child's hand in his. He can do this. This is easy.
They get on the tram and Mikki talks nonstop in his ear, and Axel feels strangely proud. Hoping that people around them think that this is real. Axel with his children. That people are looking at him and thinking, “Aww, look at that very capable father and his two adorable children.”