www.PNN.no/ASKAXEL /Sixweeksandcounting.
Last week I asked for parenting advice and you, as always, rose to the task with gusto. I have taken note, learned, laughed, cried and marvelled at your incredible advice, the life changing parenting hacks and superb ideas. Below you will find my top ten parenting tricks as suggested. The most brilliant advice from Norway’s finest parenting experts: You.
On a different note I feel the need to write a few words about the past week.
When I agreed to take on this gig with PNN.no and become your expert on all things with regards to pregnancy, birth and the care of your babies, I never in a million years thought that it would become the monster it has. I say that in the kindest possible way.
I am, as always, overwhelmed by the response my blog posts receive, and the very surprising and flattering interest in me as a person, and my family.
I am going to ask this, as someone who has never been the subject of this kind of attention before. I know you all mean well and believe me when I tell you that while I thoroughly enjoy meeting and interacting with you on social media in a professional capacity, I need you to remember that I am a person too. A human being who can become a little frightened and intimidated by the sudden outpouring of love from the incredible people of PNN.no.
Many of you may have seen the article in The Oslo Daily with regards to my relationship with J. Let me tell you that while it may seem petty to complain, there is not a single word in that article that is anywhere close to the truth apart from one. That I love J. With all my heart, and I have no problem with the world knowing that. I am incredibly proud of him. I am incredibly proud of us and our family.
In my professional role I am bound by the restrictions of my profession, and although I would love to be able to care for every single one of you first-hand, I just can’t. I do appreciate all the gifts, letters and cards that have been left for me, and the emails and interest in my lectures and courses.
Your words mean a lot to me. I do ask in the humblest of ways, please keep your communication with me to this blog. While I cannot respond to every message, I do read everything you send me. Every word matters. Every email is read. Thank you. You are heard.
Six weeks on in my new life with J, we are taking baby steps into the future, tentative steps in every part of our relationship. I have chosen to share a part of my life here on this blog, and while I understand the craving to know more, I have to protect some of my dignity and privacy, and retain the choice to keep some parts of my life just that. Private.
Which is why it may come as a surprise that I have chosen this week’s ASK AXEL questions to center around SEX. Sex in a relationship where there are young children who drain every sense of alone time from your life. Sex, when you are too tired to want it or crave it. Sex when your partner needs it and your sex drive just got up and went. Because these things are completely normal, and as in any relationship, finding the time and space to be intimate with your partner may take a tiny bit of cunning planning, and a sneaky encounter or two behind locked doors may just turn out to be what you both need. Or not. There are no rules here apart from respect, kindness and love. Because while full on sex may be what one of you needs, the other might be desperate for those couple of minutes when you just hold each other in silence, and remember that you are not alone. That you are together in all this craziness. That having the other person there is what really matters.
Go find your partner and give them a hug. It might just be what you both need right now.
Love
Axel x
PAPPA: Jens, Son. Mother has ordered a rainbow flag for the flagpole. I just wanted to ask your opinion before we raise it on Sunday. She used the one-day delivery option to make sure it arrives on time. Just know that we are incredibly proud of you and more than happy to fly the pride flag if it is the right thing to do. Does it sit above or below the Norwegian flag? Or on its own? See you Sunday. Have you remembered to check the tyres on the car? I can check the oil and water as usual. Pappa
Oslo University Hospital lecture hall 4
May
He often wonders how he ever survived life before Jens. How he lived. What on earth did he do with all that time he must have had. Because suddenly Axel’s life is moving at warp speed and he weirdly keeps struggling to catch up with himself. It’s a never-ending circle of things to do, words to be said and hugs to be given. Of thoughts in his head that birth laughter, where he sits on the tram and laughs out loud at something that happened earlier. Where he can’t help but fish out his phone and re-read his text conversations with Malena.
How Jens is even worse, completely unorganised and scatty and hilariously clueless. Axel wonders how on earth Jens survived the last year with his heart and soul intact. How the children have lived through it all. How they have all ended up in this little mess together. Because it is just that. A mess. A total mess.
Axel laughs, like he laughed at Morten’s face when he dragged Axel in to the Parent Teachers’ meeting earlier, that Axel didn’t have a clue was on the agenda. He laughs at the memory of the teacher’s confused face when Morten introduced him as his other Pappa. He laughs at his own clueless expression shaking the teacher’s hand, and laughing along with Morten, a new inside joke that only the two of them would ever understand. They had tried to retell it over dinner, only to be met with blank faces and eyerolls and sighs, while Morten and Axel were hysterically trying to explain how funny it was that the teacher couldn’t quite figure it out, and how Morten had played along, with a blank face, while Axel tried to justify the idea of being allowed to be Morten’s parent. Because honestly, Axel had no idea where Jens was, and Malena had just laughed in his face. Over the phone.
Axel’s chest is full of pride. Of warmth and smiles. He sat there beaming at Morten as the teacher went over his grades. Praised his work ethic and knowledge. His easy friendship with his classmates, and the support he has shown his friend, Tom. Things that Axel had no idea about, but felt he should have known. Things that Jens should have heard, but instead Axel had the privilege to share with Morten. Axel had wrapped him up in a hug there and then, making the teacher laugh and Morten squeal with embarrassment. It was just one of those moments. One of those firsts. One of those days when Axel felt larger than life. Whole. Full. Content.
And Axel still beams as he takes the floor in front of the twenty-five parents-to-be who have gathered in the lecture hall at the hospital. Axel beams as they beam back at him. It’s obvious to him which of the couples know exactly who he is, but there are a few with blank expressions and worried glances. Hands grasping across tables. And the one single mother lowering her gaze whenever he tries to meet her eyes. He always chooses an uneven number of participants to ensure he can pair up with the lone parent, as there is always at least one. The one who enters last and hides at the back. The one who wishes things had been different. The one who is the strongest in the room, the one who will do this alone. Axel has always known, but he now realises just how strong these women are. He smiles at the lady and nods his head. He has her back. He’s got her. Don’t worry.
He has done these courses hundreds of times, but this evening he shines. Paces the floor, and laughs along with his crowd. He lies. He cheats. He ridicules his own PowerPoint slides and ensures everyone rips page twenty-five out of the hand-out. The page that tells you the Do’s and Don’ts of Parenting. Because Axel knows. He knows what a load of bullshit it all is. And the room erupts in laughter and cheers as he makes everyone scrunch the page up and chuck it in the wastebasket that he hands around the room.