So my mind tells me to grab the wine glass and break it…
I point and when my mother looks back, the man at the sliding door opens it.
My mother laughs.
The stranger steps into the house.
He’s shirtless. Built like he’s on his way to a bodybuilding competition. Wearing black sunglasses with slicked back black hair. Tattoos on his boulder sized shoulders.
Walking with swagger right toward my mother.
I grab for my mother’s arm but she shakes me away and moves toward the man.
Then comes the surprise of a lifetime as she reaches up and touches the man’s face. The man grabs her by the waist. He picks her up and kisses her.
Lips on lips.
My mother and another man.
Right in front of me.
My face feels like it’s eight hundred degrees.
He puts my mother down and she turns to look at me. She looks like she’s blushing. She touches her lips and shrugs her shoulders.
I turn and walk out of the kitchen.
I’m done here.
I make it to the front door before I hear my mother call my name.
I stop and turn.
She’s racing toward me.
“That’s Bullet,” she says.
“What?”
“Bullet.”
“His name is Bullet?”
“Yeah,” my mother says. “He’s for protection.”
“And how exactly do you pay him?”
“Is my love life any of your business?”
“So Dad cheats on you and you cheat on him?” I ask.
“Listen to me, Jolie. Whatever your father has done, I knew nothing about. Ever. Okay? I knew he gambled here and there. I knew he had side business deals here and there. I never for a second thought they were anything bad. I have no idea how much trouble he’s in. He told me everything… but I’m sure it’s not everything. So my question to you is are you tied into this?”
“No,” I say.
“Then get away from it,” my mother says. “Right now.”
“Excuse me?”
“This guy that you’re with… fine. He’s tough and he’s bad. But he’s not the one worth throwing your life away for.”
“Says the woman who was just tongue fucking a chunk of muscle.”
My mother shakes her head. “I know my position here. I know what I’m doing.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning why not?” she asks. “And this isn’t about me. This is about you. You’re going to mess up your entire life, Jolie.”
“It already is messed up… because of you.”
“That hurt.” My mother sighs. “You’re not going to do this.”
“Do what?”
“You’re not going to live this kind of life. Coming here to threaten me? Pretending to be kidnapped? Getting involved with your father’s dirty secrets? Dropping out of law school?”
“It’s all about finding the truth,” I say. “That’s what I wanted. That’s what I got.”
“The truth… okay, Jolie. Here’s the truth for you then. You’re going to make a choice.”
“Oh yeah? Says who?”
“Me,” my mother says. Her face becomes serious and somber. “This isn’t the life I want and I’ll change that. But for you, Jolie, for my daughter, there’s no way this can happen. There’s a difference between fun and danger. This is beyond fun. And it’s beyond danger.”
“What’s the choice, Mom?” I ask.
“Here or there,” she says.
“Here or there?”
“Jolie, I’m not living this life,” she says. “I’m not. Your father is figuring out his next move and then that’s it. No more of this life. That includes Bullet, for the record. And that includes… you. And the guy you’re with. Here or there.”
“You want me to choose between you and Mac?”
My mother nods. “You can be smart or stupid here, Jolie. It’s up to you.”
I shake my head. “I can’t believe you. Everything that’s happened and you’re doing this now? I came here to check on you. To make sure you were okay. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you must have been feeling. That your husband was involved with gambling, debts, in trouble, and cheating. And this is what you do to me?”
“It’s called being a mother,” she says. “I’m protecting you.”
“Protecting me… right. What about all these years of Dad pushing me in a direction I maybe never wanted to go?”
“That’s different,” she says. “You were always smart and destined for something great. Law school was that. You would have done great things. And you still can, Jolie. You can still go back. Make this right. Fix everything.”
“Fix what?” I ask.
“Yourself. Get yourself back to the Jolie we all love.”
I feel like she’s twisting my heart. I kind of understand what she means though.
I swallow hard.
“No,” I whisper.
“No?”
“No,” I say. “I’m not sorry either.”
I turn and open the door.
When I step outside, my mother comes after me.
“Jolie,” she says. “I’m being serious. This is it. You leave… then you’re leaving for good…”
“I know,” I say.
I walk down the large front steps of the house toward my car.
My car had been parked at my apartment the entire time I was fake kidnapped. I don’t know why that hits me right then… but it just does. Everything hits me at once. All that’s happened. And why.
In a way, none of this is my mother’s fault, yet I’m walking away from her.
But she’d already started to walk away from me first.
I’m losing everything just to gain Mac.
And I can’t stop myself from doing it.
I can’t imagine not having him.
I can imagine never seeing my parents again.
And I’m not sure what’s right or wrong or up or down anymore…
I get into my car and drive away.
I find Taz waiting in his truck for me.
When he sees me, he nods.
I drive by him.
I fight back the tears.
I’m doing what I want and need for myself.
17
MAC
I finish my cigarette as I grab for the door handle to Mama’s house.
When I open the door and smell food, it brings a smile to my face.
Mama turns around, a spoon in one hand, a gun in the other.
I show my hands. “Don’t shoot or smack me.”
“Mac,” she says. “You startled me.”
“What’s on the menu?”
“I’m finishing up a chicken,” she says. “I’ve been roasting it slowly for hours. The trick is to get the skin crispy but the body juicy.”
“Sounds like most of the girls I’ve fooled around with,” I say.
Mama shakes her head. “Where’s Jolie? I miss her.”
“You miss her?”
“Of course I do.”