It hadn’t stopped me from blathering on though, had it? God, I was so stupid.
I didn’t fit here. These were nice people, but even Katherine fit in better. She knew where to get the silverware from Carol’s kitchen to help set the table. She knew where the dishes went after unloading the dishwasher. She offered to fix Jake and JR a drink and knew without asking how they took their whiskey.
“You okay?” Katherine whispered at my side as we passed platters and bowls of the feast around.
“Yeah,” I lied. “Just a bit of a headache.”
Katherine knew Easton and I were sleeping together, but whenever we’d talked, I’d downplayed my feelings for him. She thought we were casual. She thought we were fleeting. She didn’t know how much I’d grown to care for him and she definitely didn’t know I’d had a jealous breakdown about Liz.
“Do you want me to get you some Advil?” She pointed toward the bathroom down the hall because she knew where they kept the medicine. That shouldn’t have annoyed me, but it did.
“I’ll be fine.” I scooped a heaping spoonful of stuffing on my plate. “Nothing some carbs and more wine won’t knock out.”
“Amen.” She picked up her fork and dug into her candied yams.
With any luck, we’d all be too busy eating for much more conversation. And once this meal was over, I’d explain my headache was unbearable and return to the cabin where I’d barricade myself in the bedroom, hide under the covers and if Easton showed up, he’d find the door locked.
“So, Gemma. You and Katherine grew up together, right?” Liz asked.
“That’s right.” I looked to Katherine who gave me a slight headshake, which meant she’d told the Greers about our childhood, but not the local bartender.
I doubted many others outside this family knew how we’d grown up because it wasn’t easy to share.
“And you’re working at the lodge?” Liz asked.
I nodded. “Just while I’m here. Katherine was nice enough to give me something to do until Christmas.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were leaving. I thought you lived here.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Easton spoke before I could answer. He finally dared to make eye contact.
Those eyes were unreadable. The tone of his voice wasn’t flat or annoyed or cold, it was just matter-of-fact.
I didn’t live here.
So why stay until Christmas? This dare, his challenge, didn’t matter. I had nothing to prove, not anymore.
I’d already lost.
“I’m on my way to California,” I told Liz. “I just came to visit Katherine.”
“Ah.” She nodded and there was no mistaking the hint of relief in her gaze. She’d pegged me as competition, even though Easton excelled at making sure I looked insignificant to him. Liz nudged Easton’s elbow with her own. “I’m going snowmobiling next weekend. Want to come?”
“Maybe. What day?”
“Saturday. Mom and Dad will be back to cover the bar.”
I held my breath, waiting to hear his answer. Saturdays were our day. Or at least they had been until I’d opened my mouth and told him about Mom.
“Let me see how the week shakes out,” he told her. “Maybe.”
Maybe.
He hadn’t said no.
My nose stung with the threat of tears but I kept them at bay, taking a long drink of my wine and concentrating on the meal.
Conversation around me continued, light and jovial and festive. But the delicious food had lost its flavor. The wine wasn’t numbing the pain. And the headache I’d lied to Katherine about began pounding in my temples.
It was only by sheer force and years of practice that I managed to hold a slight smile through dinner. But when Jake mentioned giving it an hour before eating dessert, I knew my façade wouldn’t survive the rest of the night.
“Excuse me.” I stood from the table and went to the powder room, closing my eyes once the door was locked and dragging in a shaky breath.
I just wanted to go home.
But where was home? Boston? California? The cabin?
None of those places were home. I was filthy rich and utterly homeless. The closest thing I had was that Cadillac outside.
Maybe it was time to get in it and get on with my life.
I washed my hands and gave myself a few minutes to compose my emotions, then I returned to the main room, finding Carol and Liddy in the kitchen clearing plates. “Thank you both for an incredible meal.”
“You’re welcome.” Liddy smiled. “Would you like more wine?”
“Actually, I think I’m going to get going. I’m getting a nasty headache and I don’t want to infect everyone with a lousy mood.”
“Oh, no.” Carol rushed around the island for a hug. “Do you want to rest in the guest bedroom and see if it passes?”
“My sweatpants are calling. I think I’ll just sneak out.”
“You go on ahead. We understand.”
Liddy came over and hugged me goodbye, then without returning to the dining room, I gathered my coat from the hook beside the door and slipped into the night.
The Cadillac’s tires crunched on the hard snow as I steered the car on the bumpy road to the cabin. It was quiet outside, not a breath of wind rustled through the trees. The black and soundless night only made it more obvious I was alone.
That there was only one heartbeat in the car. There were only one set of footsteps in the fresh snow outside the cabin. There was only one jacket to hang on the coat hook.
Easton’s scent clung to the air and I could smell his spice. I dragged in a deep breath, wanting so much to curl into a ball on the couch and cry.
It wasn’t his fault. Easton was being nice to his friend and nothing he’d done tonight had been remotely flirtatious. Like a typical man, Easton probably didn’t even know Liz had feelings for him.
This urge to scream and wail was not on him. This was my issue.
Yet another to add to my growing collection.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I swiped them away and marched to the bedroom.
I knew when it was time to leave. I’d had this same feeling at sixteen. I’d had this same feeling in Boston.
My time here was over. Montana wasn’t the place for me anymore.
So I dragged my empty suitcase from the closet.
And packed.
Chapter Fourteen
Easton
“Here, I’ll take that.” I stood from the table, collecting Liz’s empty plate to take to the kitchen along with my own.
“Oh, I can help.” She began to stand but I shook my head.
“Nah. You sit. I’ve got it.” Something was wrong with Gemma and I’d been looking for a reason to leave the dining room, but I hadn’t wanted to make it obvious.
Mom and Grandma were in the kitchen and I’d expected to find Gemma with them, but she was nowhere in sight. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Grandma took the dishes from my hand and put them in the sink. “I’m going to grab the ice cream from the freezer in the garage, Liddy. Just in case anyone wants dessert.”
“Okay.” Mom pushed the start button on the dishwasher. “I’ll get out the pies.”