“I’m not so sure about that anymore,” Kai replied cryptically. “You can only push people so fucking far.”
The glow of his radio reflected off his clenched fists, which were gripping the steering wheel so tight I was sure his knuckles had turned white. “Are we talking about the party or something else?”
“I’m talking about something that is none of your fucking business.”
I rolled my eyes. I’d gotten used to his irritable behavior over the last few months, but his macho display of alpha-male posturing didn’t fool me. “Everything about Violet is my fucking business,” I snapped back.
“Is that why you have a constant lady boner when you’re around Chase?” Kai asked.
My cheeks flushed, and I quietly thanked God we were in the dark cabin of his truck so he couldn’t see the evidence of embarrassment dancing across my cheeks. “Fuck you, Kai.”
“You could do better than fucking Chase, Breeze.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t like him,” I lied.
“Right. You just stare longingly at him for shits and giggles, huh?”
“Why do you care? You don’t know me.” I didn’t like how assuming Kai was. Was this how he was with Violet? Did he always push her buttons?
“I know you better than you think. I’ve seen how you are when we’re all together. Why are you friends with Violet? I mean, really. You’re complete opposites.” His question caught me off guard. “She’s like the star of the show, and you hide behind the curtain. It’s weird. Don’t you ever tire of it?”
I mulled over his question for a moment. Nights like this made the differences between Violet and me seem more daunting, but I still loved her. “You know how it is. Violet is like this force of nature. You can’t help but want to be around her. She just draws you in.”
Kai frowned. “Yeah, well, I’m not so sure anymore. Hurricanes are also forces of nature, and look at how destructive they can be.” Kai turned onto my street, and I felt a surge of protectiveness for Violet. I didn’t like what he was insinuating.
“Careful. That’s my best friend you’re talking about,” I gritted. Kai pulled his truck to a stop, and I quickly got out, turning to look at him before going inside. I took a deep breath. I needed to at least be cordial to my best friend’s boyfriend. He gave me a ride home, after all. “Thank you for the ride. If you talk to Vi, can you tell her to call me? Let her know I’ll take her shift at the surf shop tomorrow.”
Kai stared at me for a lingering moment, his eyes revealing nothing about his thoughts. He was like lake water. Calm. Still. You couldn’t tell what murky secrets were hidden beneath the surface.
“Sure. And, uh, sorry for what I said. It’s none of my business. I was just worried about you,” he replied. Worried about me? Why?
“No need to worry,” I said as I slammed the door. Kai was confusing. No wonder he and Violet were always fighting.
The door to his truck had barely latched closed before he tore off, the rumbling from the engine loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood. It bothered me just a little that he didn’t wait to make sure I got into the house safely. I don’t know why it did. Earlier, I was ready to head into the pitch-black woods by myself. Besides, Kai wasn’t known for his gentlemanly manners.
A shiver went through my body from the slight chill in the midnight air, reminding me I was still standing outside, staring after Kai’s truck like an idiot. I spun to face the front door and took another deep breath. We lived in a small home on the beach. It was falling apart and barely had enough room for the three of us, but the views from our backyard were priceless. The exterior was painted white, but the paint had faded and chipped over the last few years. Rotted planks in the deck created a landmine of holes, but I knew where to step. I could navigate it blindfolded. We didn’t have much, but we didn’t need much. When you lived in paradise, you didn’t need a fancy home to enjoy life.
I briefly prayed that the noise of Kai’s truck hadn’t woken up my parents, and slipped up the walkway to the front door. They wouldn’t care about me being out late, but I tried not to worry them too much. I slid the key noiselessly into the lock and tiptoed up the stairs to my bedroom without hitting a single creaky stair.
Dad had converted the attic to a loft three years ago, and I loved my private space. Once I was safely inside my bedroom, I checked my phone for Violet’s phone call. Nothing yet, but she was probably still dealing with the police and hadn’t hooked back up with Kai yet. I sent her a goodnight text just in case she could look at her phone.
I got ready for bed and snuggled under the covers to catch up on my social media. There were already pictures of the party on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. Wild rumors of why it got shut down accompanied the images, ranging from Violet running a brothel to drugs and everything in between. I giggled at the thought of Vi being a madam. Everyone would be so disappointed when they learned that some neighbors called in a noise complaint. While scrolling, I found a photo where I was off to the side and leaning against the wall. Chase was leaning over me, his smoky gaze hooded and heated. I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. My mouth parted in awe as I looked up at him. I suddenly felt pathetic.
When I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore, I slid on the Do Not Disturb feature. I closed my eyes to sleep, but images of Celeste deep throating Chase invaded the back of my eyelids. Replaying the scene I had trespassed on earlier sent a surge of heat between my legs. I was as confused as I was excited. I wanted to be the one to cause that blissed-out look on his face. The way he threw his head back and bit his lip was playing on a loop in my mind.
I reached down and slid two fingers on top of my panties. Using the friction of the fabric to my advantage, I massaged my clit, building my pleasure. I heard Chase’s voice inside my head, telling Celeste to choke on his cock, and I slipped two fingers inside, moving them furiously. I thought about his clenching muscles as he fucked her mouth. I bit my lip and choked back moans as I envisioned the moment where Chase realized I was watching. His hooded eyes. His mischief. His excitement. I quickly exploded, arching my back in bliss, his name on my lips.
Later, I would realize the tragedy of this moment. Later, I would look back on my furious fingers working my body, with trepidation and guilt. Weeks from now, when I’m drowning in grief and analyzing every little detail of my night, I’d wish I would have turned on my phone and walked through the woods behind Violet’s house, screaming her name.
Shame was nothing but an ocean. I’d swim across it if I could.
But I fell asleep with sticky thighs and hot skin, thinking the world would just keep spinning and that the ocean was nothing but waves and sand.
Dear Diary,
I’ve always been afraid of the dark and attracted to torches. He was like a tall, proud lighthouse, and he knew the effect he had on me. The first time we kissed was at the beach. My feet were buried in sand, and my best friend was just a few feet away. She didn’t see the way our lips collided. She didn’t see the angry way his hands took without question, cupping my breast and pinching my nipple through the flimsy bikini I wore. She didn’t see how he kept his eyes open the entire time, watching her from afar.